Venting I miss the person I used to be.

[TheCallOfTheStars]

Back then, I was once a good person. Friendly, outgoing, offering my assistance to others when they needed help. But after over a year's worth of trauma and abandonment, I began to push away everyone that cared about me until I had nothing left. Over that time, I had become cynical and jaded and my ex-girlfriend's already ruined mental state didn't help my rumination. I became a bad person in everyone's eyes all because of the mistakes I've made in the past, and now that's all people will see me for. And it all led me to actually become a bad person eventually. I just miss when I was a good person, before all the rumination. Back when I was good at keeping friends and back when I actually treated my ex right. Back before the rumination began. I just want to go back.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Trauma and abandonment can do that :(


Could you try to get back more to who you were before?
Not for anyone but yourself?
We all make mistakes. Doesn't mean they're unforgivable

 

[calebzz1]

This is super relatable, wow.

I miss my old personality too daily and now have become a lot more cold + pragmatic because I'm really limited due to my visual impairment.

I feel barely functional most days but don't make any excuses and still try to maintain a routine.

I had to put my friend group on hiatus because I can't do the activities they would like myself to do, it's brutal being visually impaired because you miss out on so much while going through it.

I looked at my Xbox One controller a couple days ago and shook my head remembering how easy my life used to be.

I could easily pick up the controller, call my best friend and we would play videogames but now I have to work so hard to improve my sight.

I'm sorry to hear of your abandonment and trauma issues.