Venting I miss my mind

[Loli]

I went completely nuts in front of my friend.

For the past few days I was on the edge but somehow managed to hold myself together in public. But today I felt like I'm loosing the rest of my sanity. I did for a moment, in fact. Out of blue I began to hysterically laugh and cry at the same time couldn't do shit to stop it. I was told that I said things that creeped him out and I don't even remember it.

Summing it up, I'm mad at myself for upsetting him. I've done something absolutely unacceptable, lost control, showed what lies beneath the mask. Now he's worrying unnecessarily. I can't even articulate how sorry I am.

I'm an idiot. Should've stay home.

Fml

Guess I'll have to numb myself with benzos from now on.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you've had a jarring experience. Did something happen to trigger it, or ... ? (I do see that you said "out of the blue" but maybe there was something.) I hope your friend doesn't stay weirded out for long.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

Wheeeeeeerreeeeee isssss my miiiiiind - pixies

 

[jake3d]

Guess I'll have to numb myself with benzos from now on.

Just make sure you can keep a steady supply or definitely want to ctb if you're going to do that, as benzos are a one-way road for many people. Getting off them is what you were when you first started to pop them x10.

I'll give you a big hug now.

 

[AtomicNewt]

You've done nought wrong. And if he's a true friend he'll understand - people do suffer pain and shouldn't have to hide themselves. Realise not everyone is that enlightened however, that's one reason why most of us are here.

(also, wish I had benzos!)

 

[Dead beat dad]

I went completely nuts in front of my friend.

For the past few days I was on the edge but somehow managed to hold myself together in public. But today I felt like I'm loosing the rest of my sanity. I did for a moment, in fact. Out of blue I began to hysterically laugh and cry at the same time couldn't do shit to stop it. I was told that I said things that creeped him out and I don't even remember it.

Summing it up, I'm mad at myself for upsetting him. I've done something absolutely unacceptable, lost control, showed what lies beneath the mask. Now he's worrying unnecessarily. I can't even articulate how sorry I am.

I'm an idiot. Should've stay home.

Fml

Guess I'll have to numb myself with benzos from now on.

Brother I'm sorry to hear about this experience and how bad it has made you feel. There is nothing wrong with what happened, sometimes you have to vent, your true friend will hold you close for this and stand by you. It may be hard and they may not know what to do, but maybe there is an opportunity for you hear to reach out if you want to. Those opportunities to be candid, can be terrifying, a bit like the world at large.
Wishing you love and respect brother.

 

[Scribble Fan]

There's only so much one person can take before they snap, it's not your fault for being a human on edge for days. I hear you, mental sanity is sorely missed once gone, but masks slip. Control is lost. I don't believe you're an idiot at all.

 

[DoomedxFromBirth]

I feel your laughing crying. That's me when Im angry sometimes. Only two people have seen me that way. One is just as crazy and the other is my sister and shes scared of me most days.

I hope he tries to understand you at least.

 

[Loli]

Thank you all for being there ;_; I just woke up and so many kind words already made this day much better.

Brother I'm sorry to hear about this experience and how bad it has made you feel. There is nothing wrong with what happened, sometimes you have to vent, your true friend will hold you close for this and stand by you. It may be hard and they may not know what to do, but maybe there is an opportunity for you hear to reach out if you want to. Those opportunities to be candid, can be terrifying, a bit like the world at large.
Wishing you love and respect brother.

He is a true friend and he does understand. I didn't talk much about it but at least he was my shoulder to cry on. The decision was made months ago. The thing is... I was going to CTB in about a week so it'd put him in a situation aka "I saw it coming but did nothing". I'll hold on a little bit longer, acting like a Picture of Mental Health ™ and let it fade away a little. But jeez, the thought of living additional weeks is unbearable.

I'm sorry you've had a jarring experience. Did something happen to trigger it, or ... ? (I do see that you said "out of the blue" but maybe there was something.) I hope your friend doesn't stay weirded out for long.

I'm not sure. I cried the whole night, been additionally tired after the exam so maybe it's just exhaustion. Been in that odd cheerful/suicidal state whole day. He told some poor joke and then it happened like wtf. He claims he's not weirded out but blames himself for it, asked me if he is a depressive trigger. Ugh.

 

[Soul]

Exhaustion is a good reason. It's good to hear your friend is okay with you letting the mask slip, and that today feels better. Be gentle with yourself and drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest. x

 

[Loli]

Exhaustion is a good reason. It's good to hear your friend is okay with you letting the mask slip, and that today feels better. Be gentle with yourself and drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest. x

I will! Thank you
Take care