I lost my job and I'm going insane

[Red.one]

I lost my job. My ADHD makes it even harder to handle cos I lost my routine. The job market is like a mud - I sent over 250 CVs, got 2 positive replice (from DHL wanting me - turned out to be a cleaner for 2 hours a day, and a market 1h drive from my home)...

I was workingas a horse riding instructor past 2 years. I love my job. Or loved. I don't have papers, I don't have any course (in my country if you want to be a sport instructor you don't need any kind od certification). I have A LOT of experience, I'm great at my job. But when I tried to get a new one in that fieald (i lost my previous one because my boss don't want to pay me :b), I heard that I'm not competent, cos I don't have a certificate. And the course means money.

I don't know how to feel. After a few talks about becoming an instructor in another place..., I feelt useless, incompetent and a piece of shieeet. I don't know what to do. My mind is telling me to go and off. That I'm not worthy - even if I got a lot of letters and "good bye" presents from "my kids". I'm so tired of jobgivers treating me like trash. I don't want to feel like trash. I don't want to kill myself because of a petty little men trying to use me as a money machine, giving me scratches.

But right now I rally want to hang myself on my dog's leash. It's calling me.

 

[SDB]

I've been applying for 6 years over 5k applications. Only a contract here and there . You're just getting started

 

[fadedghost]

I lost my job. My ADHD makes it even harder to handle cos I lost my routine. The job market is like a mud - I sent over 250 CVs, got 2 positive replice (from DHL wanting me - turned out to be a cleaner for 2 hours a day, and a market 1h drive from my home)...

I was workingas a horse riding instructor past 2 years. I love my job. Or loved. I don't have papers, I don't have any course (in my country if you want to be a sport instructor you don't need any kind od certification). I have A LOT of experience, I'm great at my job. But when I tried to get a new one in that fieald (i lost my previous one because my boss don't want to pay me :b), I heard that I'm not competent, cos I don't have a certificate. And the course means money.

I don't know how to feel. After a few talks about becoming an instructor in another place..., I feelt useless, incompetent and a piece of shieeet. I don't know what to do. My mind is telling me to go and off. That I'm not worthy - even if I got a lot of letters and "good bye" presents from "my kids". I'm so tired of jobgivers treating me like trash. I don't want to feel like trash. I don't want to kill myself because of a petty little men trying to use me as a money machine, giving me scratches.

But right now I rally want to hang myself on my dog's leash. It's calling me.

It's normal to need to send out 1000 resumes to get an interview or speak with anyone. It's because everything is digital.

I'm sorry it's so hard right now. Most people applying for jobs are having a hard time. You aren't trash, it's just how the market treats everyone.

 

[Red.one]

I've been applying for 6 years over 5k applications. Only a contract here and there . You're just getting started

It's not making my "hang myself" thoughts better... I'm in edge right now. I don't know when I felt so self conscious

 

[SDB]

It's not making my "hang myself" thoughts better... I'm in edge right now. I don't know when I felt so self conscious

My point is you're not alone but also may not be aware of how bad it is. You need to prepare yourself for anything. Moving somewhere anything.

 

[witchcraft]

I relate to this so much. Admittedly, I have not been sending out thousands of applications. My problem is that wageslavery makes me suicidal.

I hope you find something soon and things turn around OP. Horse riding seems so cool. There is an island here in the states called Mackinac Island—it is a huge tourist destination where there are no cars on the entire island except emergency vehicles, everything else is done by horse. Visitors get around by horse, unless they get a bike or walk. There are carriages and also a few businesses that allow customers to ride a horse around (I don't think they can get off though except when they return to the business; not sure, never done it). I wonder if you could find any work there, if your experience would apply. I know it's a tough thing to just move across the world like that, but your English is good, and both times I've been there were a lot of seasonal workers from around the world.

Sorry I can't suggest anything more practical...

EDIT.