Venting i just want to die peacefully in my bed

[sevennn]

im so extremely tired. is it even possible. why is peaceful death illegal. i cant do any of the methods. should i just eat less and less everyday until one day i just wont wake up anymore. i cant see any other way out. pls. why is there nothing i can do. i just want to die. im so tired. im just one big ball of pain and thats it. i cant. i dont want to hang myself. its not fair. i dont deserve that. i cant see any other way. just starving. slowly. nobody loves me. and now i just gotta die i could just die from the mental pain if it was possible. i wish it was. this tinnitus is killing my brain inside out. i wish it could eat my brain and leave me for dead. its maddening. punishment. and i had never been properly hugged by someone who isnt family. or kissed. never had a job. never did anything. because it ate at me and ate at me. until i crippled. its too much punishment for doing nothing wrong. for doing nothing. im tired and im done. i just want to die. i dont want to commit anything. i dont want to put forth any more effort into anything. i dont want the embrace of a rope on my neck. its cold and distant. i just want someone to embrace me and to die in my bed. just sleep. why is it so difficult. im of no use. i cant work i wont ever have children. i barely buy anything. why keep me alive. im a ghost im not even a proper slave to the gov-ment. just done. i just want out of this pain. too much punishment. no one cares. no one makes treatment for us. no one spares money for us. told to habituate and get over it. and live in pain. because no one cares. we will never be happy. the noise will continue eating at some brains and we will continue dropping like flies because there are so many people. because they are expendable and only a few of us are buzzing and ringing an hissing and going mental. who cares. whats it matter. i was walking in google maps. looking at pretty houses and ugly houses. well off countries and poor countries. and all the people. and realised thousands and thousands and billions of people. with all their personal pain and personal bliss. whats it matter to all of these people if i die. they wont even laugh. they dont know who i am. i realised why theres no empathy. look at those houses and how far away they are from me. why would they care. why would anyone care about anyone. not because you are evil but you are just unable. they wont ever even be able to imagine me or how i look or what i thought and felt and what my life is like. and know for sure im real. just like i wont ever know them and be aware of them. why would they care about me. im a fictional character. i cant even be thought of randomly. too many variables. unless they see me. ill die and no one but one family will notice. so why does it matter so much. i dont have to go far. i can look out my window. the building opposite of mine. who lives there i cant imagine. i cant know. and they cant know me. and they dont care either. you dont have to go far. just a couple steps. till nobody cares anymore. i wish no one cared right where i stand. so that i lived alone and so that i can die. rant rant rant. just kill me now. theres nothing to attempt. im tired of attempting a good life or a normal life or an endurant life or no life. just give me the death part already. im fuckign tired

 

[Warriorsfan]

I pray to die in my sleep also.
Hopefully my prayer will be answered asap.

 

[Blank_]

how and when did your tinnitus start? how bad is it?

i'm sorry you feel so forgotten and abandoned by the world. people only ever have enough time to care about themselves and what concerns them directly, that's just reality. i really feel for you.

 

[sevennn]

how and when did your tinnitus start? how bad is it?

i'm sorry you feel so forgotten and abandoned by the world. people only ever have enough time to care about themselves and what concerns them directly, that's just reality. i really feel for you.

ten years after a concert. it was mild and liveable. until i was dragged to go to a funeral on a plane i was a sick and it got worse due to pressure changes

Tbh now that I've procrastinated a long time because I felt that hanging is ugly. Because I've felt that I don't feel like doing it each time,now that I'm so much worse I wish I did it back then than to let this much time pass.yeah hanging is ugly but what's worse is the fact that this is exactly what they want to keep us here beyond our will. I was stupid to think that staying here another year is less worse than forcing myself to do it despite any SI.

i get that but i just can't do it. when i try to my tinnitus goes insane. i don't want to die in the last moments hear even more ringing. i just want peace

 

[still_afraid]

That. I tried to CTB last month using Xanax + a bathtub, and I was sure that my head would go underwater when I felt asleep, still, looks like it didn't happen, since I am still here and I have no idea how my head didn't drown. Now I don't know what to do, because I also want a peaceful method.

 

[wordsworth]

I understand what you're saying:"> I'm so sorry you feel like that. It's.... Actually so depressing, the fact that the only one a regular person has is themselves and they have to find the reasons to stay alive at all, all by themselves. It's disgusting that that's the only way it all works. Some people have such a strong will to keep existing they find their reasons, their footing, and their continuation, and then there are people who don't want and/or don't have the energy to keep competing in a never-ending run for anything resembling peace and care. Although I know on some level there must be a place for people like that, it's so difficult to find and you still have to expend such an amount of energy to get there and to just live to see it... To just get to feel loved and cared for, to just stop feeling like a purposeless ghost, to see anything worth doing all that for.

I'm so sorry. It sucks so bad. Saying "it will get better one day" is pointless because the time it does is not there yet. But I hope you and everyone suffering here can live to see it in the end and to get their own reason and their own peaceful little corner, without feeling like a cog in the government machine, or a ghostly nothing, or just an irreparably ill person only wishing to vanish. I hope the world and your brain get kinder to you.

(Haven't noticed you posted this some time ago already until I finished writing that reply, sorry if it's irrelevant by now——)

 

[shampoo sniffer]

I want to die in bed too. I pray every night that I won't wake up, but it never works.

 

[sevennn]

I want to die in bed too. I pray every night that I won't wake up, but it never works.

i used to. i'd get upset when i woke up. im sorry