Venting I have nothing

[brokenxtheory]

I've given up trying a long time ago. I have nothing. I recently messed my legs up and also my face. I have a hard time sleeping and I'm terrified of breathing. Family doesn't give a shit, that's fine. But now I'm not allowed to find a job to make money. I don't drive so I can't ask for a ride anywhere because my relatives know I'm looking for stuff to off myself. I just want a painless death. I want a helium tank, that is my preferred choice. I only have a little over 100 bucks in cash. Is there anything I can do? I'm not able to have a bank account or get a credit card either. I've never felt "normal" and taking away these rights are making that feeling worse. I'm open to suggestions.

 

[Sleeper System]

I wish I could give up on life and still have a place to live and be taken care of even though I'm a burden.
If I fuck up my life, no one will be there to soften the fall. I literally end up in the streets.
Freedom takes on different meanings depending on the sitation you're in.

100 buck isn't much. You could buy a scalpel and cut yourself to bleed out.
Other than that, rope for hanging? Tough to say. No easy ways when you don't have much resources.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I wish I could give up on life and still have a place to live and be taken care of even though I'm a burden.
If I fuck up my life, no one will be there to soften the fall. I literally end up in the streets.
Freedom takes on different meanings depending on the sitation you're in.

100 buck isn't much. You could buy a scalpel and cut yourself to bleed out.
Other than that, rope for hanging? Tough to say. No easy ways when you don't have much resources.

I'm not sure if you're trying to criticize him, but if you are please don't.

As for you ending up on the streets,
When I got out of prison I was on the streets.
It's really not that big of a deal.
Once you hit rock bottom, nothing the world can throw at you can't even hurt you.

I've given up trying a long time ago. I have nothing. I recently messed my legs up and also my face. I have a hard time sleeping and I'm terrified of breathing. Family doesn't give a shit, that's fine. But now I'm not allowed to find a job to make money. I don't drive so I can't ask for a ride anywhere because my relatives know I'm looking for stuff to off myself. I just want a painless death. I want a helium tank, that is my preferred choice. I only have a little over 100 bucks in cash. Is there anything I can do? I'm not able to have a bank account or get a credit card either. I've never felt "normal" and taking away these rights are making that feeling worse. I'm open to suggestions.

Bro I'm going to be a 100% real with you.
I don't know what happy is.

I know what I don't like.
I don't like fear and paranoia and depression.
And I know I'm basically an alien.
I don't know if you want to ctb or if you or just wanting your life to be different.

I won't try to talk you out of whatever you decide, but I just want you to know I'm here if you ever need to talk

 

[brokenxtheory]

I wish I could give up on life and still have a place to live and be taken care of even though I'm a burden.
If I fuck up my life, no one will be there to soften the fall. I literally end up in the streets.
Freedom takes on different meanings depending on the sitation you're in.

100 buck isn't much. You could buy a scalpel and cut yourself to bleed out.
Other than that, rope for hanging? Tough to say. No easy ways when you don't have much resources.

I didn't take offense to this. I already have a boxcutter, just looking for ways to get money to a painless death.

 

[Sleeper System]

I'm not sure if you're trying to criticize him, but if you are please don't.

As for you ending up on the streets,
When I got out of prison I was on the streets.
It's really not that big of a deal.
Once you hit rock bottom, nothing the world can throw at you can't even hurt you.

Bro I'm going to be a 100% real with you.
I don't know what happy is.

I know what I don't like.
I don't like fear and paranoia and depression.
And I know I'm basically an alien.
I don't know if you want to ctb or if you or just wanting your life to be different.

I won't try to talk you out of whatever you decide, but I just want you to know I'm here if you ever need to talk.

I wasn't. Just a different prospective.

That's my worst nightmare, honestly.
I live in an area where you see folks living like that all the time.
It's really messed up and I feel bad for them.
Jail is tough. You seem to have survived eveything you've been through.
Im always curious about peoples experiences in jail. I never want to visit to find out.

 

[brokenxtheory]

I didn't mean to start accusations. I'm drunk right now maybe I should have worded it differently

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I wasn't. Just a different prospective.

That's my worst nightmare, honestly.
I live in an area where you see folks living like that all the time.
It's really messed up and I feel bad for them.
Jail is tough. You seem to have survived eveything you've been through.
Im always curious about peoples experiences in jail. I never want to visit to find out.

I've been to a lot of jails, some okay and some a lot worse but Prison? I'm just going to be real to you and tell you prison is actually a lot better than jail.
At times it's a lot of fun even.

And the hardest thing about being incarcerated for me personally was losing my ex fiance. She was a total hoe bag and it messed me up and recently we talked again, and I was honestly wanting to ctb over my mistakes with her... But as it recently turned out, she was always going to be the snake in the grass no matter what I did. I feel like we're groomed in society to believe in every action has an equal positive or negative reaction. But a snake is a snake and I'm glad I got to see that before I ctb.

I feel like in a lot of ways spending a year planning to CTB at the end showed me a lot of different angles and perspectives that I wouldn't have seen otherwise however... Currently I don't know what to live for... like... Pardon my cluelessness but...
All this shit...
All of it;
It's pretty fucking boring.

Honestly the hardest thing about jail is basically watching yourself die and everyone else around you move on. While I would never recommend going to jail I will say it kind of makes the idea of CTB a lot less romanticized.

Yeah you can ask me whatever you want if you ever want a private message me about my experiences.

I didn't mean to start accusations. I'm drunk right now maybe I should have worded it differently

You're good bro. I'm a little defensive over people who post on this form because, I feel like a lot of people ctb over subconscious insecurities and unanswered questions versus actually wanting to end their existence. Me and the guy had an argument before that was really dumb so I wasn't sure of his character but that was bias on my part and I recognize that.

He actually seems like a really good dude.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring and dreadful what you go through, I hope that you eventually find freedom from all the suffering, best wishes.