densvensken00
Sociopath
- Oct 8, 2023
- 10
I know it doesnt make sense but everytime i feel happy or even just okay, i feel like theres a hole in me. i want to feel shit again and i somehow enjoy the pain i feel when im like this way. i hate the way im feeling but at the same time i find a comfort in it. my life is falling apart and the only sense of control i feel i have left is when i feel shit, cus i can just stay inside, hurt myself and think about ctb. i cant explain this to my girlfriend and so she gets mad at me for not being able to open up. i think shes cheating on me and/or that shes gonna leave me. im not sure how im gonna handle everything if that happens, even though i know i probably deserve it. i dont really feel a lot apart from sadness n anger and im not even sure i love her, I just know that i love the fact that shes mine and nobody elses. i know im an asshole for thinking this way but i cant help it, and to be honest i dont really care. i know that whatevers coming to me is deserved so i dont know why im even writing this lol.
