I hate myself (didn't go through with it)

[MiMif]

Today was my ctb date. I went on a trip for a week with my friends and today was the last day and also was the day I planned on commiting. Throughout the whole trip all I could think about was death and was hoping someone would shoot me before the date my mind was full of suicide.

This however all changed on the day of. I'm not sure why but I just don't feel like doing it. It's not that I don't want to die cause I do but I just don't feel as passionate as I did before. This happened last time I planned a date as well. On the day of my enthusiasm and desire went down.

I was actually planning on still going through with it and doing it just to get it over with but I'm of the belief that you should do suicide if you can't do it with a smile. (Just my personal belief) my desire isn't there anymore I'll wait for it to come again. Damn this sucks. If I wakeup tomorrow and go back to feeling super suicidal I might do it tomorrow

 

[Macc_Lad_71]

Today was my ctb date. I went on a trip for a week with my friends and today was the last day and also was the day I planned on commiting. Throughout the whole trip all I could think about was death and was hoping someone would shoot me before the date my mind was full of suicide.

This however all changed on the day of. I'm not sure why but I just don't feel like doing it. It's not that I don't want to die cause I do but I just don't feel as passionate as I did before. This happened last time I planned a date as well. On the day of my enthusiasm and desire went down.

I was actually planning on still going through with it and doing it just to get it over with but I'm of the belief that you should do suicide if you can't do it with a smile. (Just my personal belief) my desire isn't there anymore I'll wait for it to come again. Damn this sucks. If I wakeup tomorrow and go back to feeling super suicidal I might do it tomorrow

maybe you're not ready for the uncertainty of death.......you're dead a long time!

 

[MiMif]

maybe you're not ready for the uncertainty of death.......you're dead a long time!

Im not sure that's it to be honest. Before I legit was constantly hoping for a freak incident like a car crash or some psycho shooting me for no reason. I've also attempted before without hesitation on random whims...I failed but I did try. I didn't back out when I failed before the plan just didn't work (usually tried hanging/partial hanging)

I've attempted at least 10x by now and each time is on a whim.

However when I actually plan a date when the date comes my desire for death isn't as strong it's weird...I don't know why

But I certainly do want to die and would be happy if someone shot me right now. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Im not sure that's it to be honest. Before I legit was constantly hoping for a freak incident like a car crash or some psycho shooting me for no reason. I've also attempted before without hesitation on random whims...I failed but I did try. I didn't back out when I failed before the plan just didn't work (usually tried hanging/partial hanging)

I've attempted at least 10x by now and each time is on a whim.

However when I actually plan a date when the date comes my desire for death isn't as strong it's weird...I don't know why

But I certainly do want to die and would be happy if someone shot me right now. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Honestly though throughout today I was pretty passionate about doing it. Not as passionate as before but I was excited to do it. However I took a nap before doing It and when I woke up I just didnt feel like it anymore.

Before is slowly opened up all the supplies I got and even did a small test run trying to find my sweet spot and tested to box cutters I bought a little bit. I put it away when my friends came back and took a nap telling them to wake me up when they were cleaning so I could help.

I was planning on waking up at 9, cleaning up (cause we are staying in a rental for our trip) , waiting for everyone to sleep, then writing my suicide letter and commiting while listening to music at around 3.

However my friends didn't wake me up apparently because I looked like I was having a good nap....yeah. They ended up cleaning without me and I woke up at 12 and just ended up going by myself and scrolling through tiktoks mindlessly for 3 hours straight then I didn't feel like doing it like I did before.

I'm honestly just venting but my motivation changes a lot it's annoying.

 

[Adûnâi]

However when I actually plan a date when the date comes my desire for death isn't as strong it's weird...I don't know why

If I announce something, I too tend not to do it. Funny how that works.

If I were to suggest something... Maybe don't view it as a "day", but lengthen it to a weekend of death, or a month? Then you could procrastinate, but still be in the time zone you had selected.

 

[MiMif]

If I announce something, I too tend not to do it. Funny how that works.

If I were to suggest something... Maybe don't view it as a "day", but lengthen it to a weekend of death, or a month? Then you could procrastinate, but still be in the time zone you had selected.

That's a good idea actually