I could always crawl in my skin if I make people uncomfortable. Sometimes the mere notion is enough. Often there is only the notion and there no real certainty how bad an action was perceived. I think people realize when they meet me I try to be self-reflective and I am considerate when interacting with other people in real life. Especially when it comes to body contact. I don't like body contact at the hairdresser, dentist or accidental boy contact for example in public transport.
I am not even sure why it makes me so uncomfortable. I know in my psychoses I have the fear people considered me a pervert. Maybe I am suppressing the primitive elements in my being through a very strict superego. But I think it at least partially unrelated to sexuality.
I think being self-aware is part of my identity. But I tend to false positives. I prefer explanations where I am judged in a negative way. Probably due to the way I was raised I am too harsh on myself. I think it feels right to hate. But I should become much more aware that this judgement isn't rational or fair. I met people who did way worse things than me. And they have a way better life quality and are not constatintly tormenting themselves over their flaws.
I think I tend to oversharing on emotionally heavy topics. My inner feelings are very intense. But when I am sharing what is going on in myself I am in constant self-observation. And I already filter a lot what I am sharing and how this might be perceived. I like it to be around my friends because I mask less with them. I can be me and I can cross boundaries of good taste without the fear to be judged. Sometimes I intentionally make tastless jokes. I only make these jokes when I know I don't trigger other people with my words. I would find the thread idea interesting how much masking are you doing on Sanctioned Suicide. I can give one example at one meeting I joked with one friend without a break about shit and pooping, eating it stuff like that. The most absurd shit there is. I think this feels relieving because usually when I am interacting with other people I am so careful with my words and my intentions. I wonder whether that is myself without masking. This don't giving a fuck about social rules.
I am not even sure why it makes me so uncomfortable. I know in my psychoses I have the fear people considered me a pervert. Maybe I am suppressing the primitive elements in my being through a very strict superego. But I think it at least partially unrelated to sexuality.
I think being self-aware is part of my identity. But I tend to false positives. I prefer explanations where I am judged in a negative way. Probably due to the way I was raised I am too harsh on myself. I think it feels right to hate. But I should become much more aware that this judgement isn't rational or fair. I met people who did way worse things than me. And they have a way better life quality and are not constatintly tormenting themselves over their flaws.
I think I tend to oversharing on emotionally heavy topics. My inner feelings are very intense. But when I am sharing what is going on in myself I am in constant self-observation. And I already filter a lot what I am sharing and how this might be perceived. I like it to be around my friends because I mask less with them. I can be me and I can cross boundaries of good taste without the fear to be judged. Sometimes I intentionally make tastless jokes. I only make these jokes when I know I don't trigger other people with my words. I would find the thread idea interesting how much masking are you doing on Sanctioned Suicide. I can give one example at one meeting I joked with one friend without a break about shit and pooping, eating it stuff like that. The most absurd shit there is. I think this feels relieving because usually when I am interacting with other people I am so careful with my words and my intentions. I wonder whether that is myself without masking. This don't giving a fuck about social rules.
