hoppybunny
Fearer of the Future
- Jun 26, 2024
- 270
I really want to not care about other ppl and i try to. In a sense i don't experience "missing" ppl but that's where it ends.
I get very anxious when friends and family take too long to respond to my messages.
When i get into an online argument i spend hours obsessing over if the other person has given up, or hoping they feel humiliated or dropped dead. But i know fully well they don't care and are not even half as angry or affected by the argument.
I worry too much about people's feelings and even when ppl use me as an emotional punching bag or are just terrible to me i can't even retaliate because i don't want them to feel bad.
Whenever i catch myself being rude, i immediately apologize even though deep down i want to be rude a little longer as payback for when the person is rude to me.
One time i doubled down when i was rude to my brother cause i remember all the times he was rude to me or would freak out and yell at me because i showed him something he did not like that i thought was funny. And my chest hurt so bad cause i knew i hurt his feelings.
It's so annoying cause no one ever has that level of care for me. No one.cares when they're rude to me. Everyone treats me like a little bitch cause i never get angry. I hate it so much.
And then when i do get mad and respond usually online cause it's the only place i can't read their body language, the mods only come to stop the argument and make it look like both our faults when i didn't start the issue. Or they just never do anything and the person just starts insulting me while i just don't have it in me to keep arguing or use the same words they use towards me.
But i still get mad and my heart aches a lot and i think about a stupid meaningless online argument all day and let it ruin my day and get in the way of my work.
it sucks So much.
My sister yesterday was being rude and very short with me cause i was tired and didn't want to go out at 9 in the morning when i had barely slept at all.
I couldn't even bring myself to he rude back. I just sent a crying emoji to her and she apologized like 30 minutes later while i couldn't even go back to sleep cause i was just really upset about the situation. Ended up staying in bed upset about it for 4 hours.
I hate it. I just wish i could.stop caring.
And it doesn't help at all that i constantly need attention too while also wanting to be physically alone. So i seek online spaces alot and i keep putting myself in these situations, expecting ppl to be kind online.
When that kind of internet hasn't existed in a long time.
I get very anxious when friends and family take too long to respond to my messages.
When i get into an online argument i spend hours obsessing over if the other person has given up, or hoping they feel humiliated or dropped dead. But i know fully well they don't care and are not even half as angry or affected by the argument.
I worry too much about people's feelings and even when ppl use me as an emotional punching bag or are just terrible to me i can't even retaliate because i don't want them to feel bad.
Whenever i catch myself being rude, i immediately apologize even though deep down i want to be rude a little longer as payback for when the person is rude to me.
One time i doubled down when i was rude to my brother cause i remember all the times he was rude to me or would freak out and yell at me because i showed him something he did not like that i thought was funny. And my chest hurt so bad cause i knew i hurt his feelings.
It's so annoying cause no one ever has that level of care for me. No one.cares when they're rude to me. Everyone treats me like a little bitch cause i never get angry. I hate it so much.
And then when i do get mad and respond usually online cause it's the only place i can't read their body language, the mods only come to stop the argument and make it look like both our faults when i didn't start the issue. Or they just never do anything and the person just starts insulting me while i just don't have it in me to keep arguing or use the same words they use towards me.
But i still get mad and my heart aches a lot and i think about a stupid meaningless online argument all day and let it ruin my day and get in the way of my work.
it sucks So much.
My sister yesterday was being rude and very short with me cause i was tired and didn't want to go out at 9 in the morning when i had barely slept at all.
I couldn't even bring myself to he rude back. I just sent a crying emoji to her and she apologized like 30 minutes later while i couldn't even go back to sleep cause i was just really upset about the situation. Ended up staying in bed upset about it for 4 hours.
I hate it. I just wish i could.stop caring.
And it doesn't help at all that i constantly need attention too while also wanting to be physically alone. So i seek online spaces alot and i keep putting myself in these situations, expecting ppl to be kind online.
When that kind of internet hasn't existed in a long time.
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