d4nknee
dance the night away
- Jun 16, 2026
- 27
wow. its crazy how even just holding out for meds has shifted my life even just a little bit.
I still don't know how to feel about everything but it's definitely not bad. so since joining SaSu, from the advice of others on here and not wanting to hurt ppl around me, I've decided ill give meds a go and one last genuine attempt at recovery before i cbt (since i'm big on if i cbt it will be a one and done).
Since slowly shifitng to that mindset (def wasn't a one time decision), I've gone back to therapy (last week) and opened up to some close friends (a couple weeks ago but more so now). My therapist booked me an appointment with the gp so I can inquire about ssris (happening in 2 days) and will probably get started on them (its pretty easy in aus to get as you only need the gp).
The craziest part though is that two weeks ago, i was still in the depths of the depressive episode and was genuinely just thinking about cbting the second i got the package and I told myself unless the universe gave me a sign to not, i will be following through. Then, last week (3 days before my SN arrived) i started talking to one of my friends and today we went on a date. this was made crazier by the fact I told myself i cannot get into a relo this year because i'm terrified of hurting another person bc of how extra depressed ive been. this guy has been actually pretty nice. Nothing is official as I still want time to get to know him better and give myself time to tell him abt all my baggage. this isn't to say omg i'm saved and im gonna live for him! bc that is literally so unhealthy and i hate that mentality like if he were to cut things off/break up with me in the future I will not let that be a reason to cbt. But i think i'll take this as well as my pen running out of ink when i was writing notes as a sign to give recovery one last genuine attempt.
just a happy little rant.
I still don't know how to feel about everything but it's definitely not bad. so since joining SaSu, from the advice of others on here and not wanting to hurt ppl around me, I've decided ill give meds a go and one last genuine attempt at recovery before i cbt (since i'm big on if i cbt it will be a one and done).
Since slowly shifitng to that mindset (def wasn't a one time decision), I've gone back to therapy (last week) and opened up to some close friends (a couple weeks ago but more so now). My therapist booked me an appointment with the gp so I can inquire about ssris (happening in 2 days) and will probably get started on them (its pretty easy in aus to get as you only need the gp).
The craziest part though is that two weeks ago, i was still in the depths of the depressive episode and was genuinely just thinking about cbting the second i got the package and I told myself unless the universe gave me a sign to not, i will be following through. Then, last week (3 days before my SN arrived) i started talking to one of my friends and today we went on a date. this was made crazier by the fact I told myself i cannot get into a relo this year because i'm terrified of hurting another person bc of how extra depressed ive been. this guy has been actually pretty nice. Nothing is official as I still want time to get to know him better and give myself time to tell him abt all my baggage. this isn't to say omg i'm saved and im gonna live for him! bc that is literally so unhealthy and i hate that mentality like if he were to cut things off/break up with me in the future I will not let that be a reason to cbt. But i think i'll take this as well as my pen running out of ink when i was writing notes as a sign to give recovery one last genuine attempt.
just a happy little rant.
