i fully have lost all grasp on reality, past and present.

[Lou_Charthethird]

I dont remember who my mom is or who my dad is or who my brothers are to me. I genuinely dont remember the connection that ive had between them, i just act in front of them. But truly there is nothing inside of me that i associate with them. Its like the ability to have connections to people around me have literally disintegrated. Like i am incapable of conceptualizing anything that involves emotion.

I also have forgot how i used to value certain things as well, ive even forgotten what *valuing* something feels like. I used to have a huge, partially painful, passion to draw and really loved listening to piano, and when i do those things now i feel nothing.

The past i think is too painful for my mind
To accept as real, so it destroys anything relating to the past, including my past relationships, my interests, my fears, and everything that made me inherently me.

Just fucking kill me please im not a human anymore

 

[Insomniac Butterfly]

It's heartbreaking to hear how much depression has impacted you.
I relate so much to your words in a way of my own that I'm unable to express properly. Being so out of touch with your inner feelings, memories, and morals for so long can hollow you out. You begin to dance like a marionette, trying to impersonate your own self with growing futility. The pieces of yourself disappear, but you can't even recall what pieces are missing, only that there is absence where something important once was. Everything becomes an act, even for yourself, as you compulsively cling onto that hazy imitation.
I am so sorry you are in such agony...

 

[Lou_Charthethird]

It's heartbreaking to hear how much depression has impacted you.
I relate so much to your words in a way of my own that I'm unable to express properly. Being so out of touch with your inner feelings, memories, and morals for so long can hollow you out. You begin to dance like a marionette, trying to impersonate your own self with growing futility. The pieces of yourself disappear, but you can't even recall what pieces are missing, only that there is absence where something important once was. Everything becomes an act, even for yourself, as you compulsively cling onto that hazy imitation.
I am so sorry you are in such agony...

Yeah you put it well. I dont even remember who i used to be, i have legitimately forgot. But i have no choice but to imitate as best i can. I know it sounds like a cliche, but It feels like life is just utterly meaningless. I dont know how to explain it sadly. Im just deteriorating it seems

 

[Insomniac Butterfly]

Yeah you put it well. I dont even remember who i used to be, i have legitimately forgot. But i have no choice but to imitate as best i can. I know it sounds like a cliche, but It feels like life is just utterly meaningless. I dont know how to explain it sadly. Im just deteriorating it seems

Your experiences and feelings are all valid and unique to you. They aren't cliché at all in my opinion. *Big hugs* :(