Venting I fucking hate relationships

[awen]

In my whole life, I just told one soul about my thoughts about life after that he said that he loved me but I didn't. He knew I had some problems, he told me that he could fix me and asked me if he could be my bf. I said that I could let him love me but if I accidentally hurt him, because I fucking suck at relationships and can't get over this obsession over my dear father, he said that he will be fine and that he wouldn't hurt me more. So it's already not a really healthy relationship. He really considers me and loves me more than anything but sometimes scares me when he gets jealous. Today I was talking to him and he asked me how I knew about something and I told him that we talked with my childhood friend that I hadn't seen in 2 years and who lives in a different country. I told him that I missed him in our chat. At first, he was fine with that sentence but later at night randomly he brought it up saying that it hurts to see me wanting other guys, I tried to handle it calmly but the more I told him that I understood and that I only wanted him more aggressive he got. In the end, I couldn't stand it, he was literally calling me "his bitch", I told him that he was acting dumb and that if I really wanted another guy I would have blocked him the moment he started talking like that. And then he slowly softened and started apologizing. This is not the healthiest relationship, but sometimes for a really long-distance relationship it feels really sincere, we both can listen to each other. But I hate it when he gets jealous and loses himself. Just needed somewhere to vent.

 

[puella]

You see how unhealthy the relationship is, so I won't lecture you. Just know I'm worried about you. I'm here for you if you need anything.

 

[awen]

thank you for being there puella

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

and can't get over this obsession over my dear father

Wait what

 

[Rack.-]

In my whole life, I just told one soul about my thoughts about life after that he said that he loved me but I didn't. He knew I had some problems, he told me that he could fix me and asked me if he could be my bf. I said that I could let him love me but if I accidentally hurt him, because I fucking suck at relationships and can't get over this obsession over my dear father, he said that he will be fine and that he wouldn't hurt me more. So it's already not a really healthy relationship. He really considers me and loves me more than anything but sometimes scares me when he gets jealous. Today I was talking to him and he asked me how I knew about something and I told him that we talked with my childhood friend that I hadn't seen in 2 years and who lives in a different country. I told him that I missed him in our chat. At first, he was fine with that sentence but later at night randomly he brought it up saying that it hurts to see me wanting other guys, I tried to handle it calmly but the more I told him that I understood and that I only wanted him more aggressive he got. In the end, I couldn't stand it, he was literally calling me "his bitch", I told him that he was acting dumb and that if I really wanted another guy I would have blocked him the moment he started talking like that. And then he slowly softened and started apologizing. This is not the healthiest relationship, but sometimes for a really long-distance relationship it feels really sincere, we both can listen to each other. But I hate it when he gets jealous and loses himself. Just needed somewhere to vent.

Hey I understand that you are having a stressful time and that having someone close to talk with can usually help a lot to cope with emotions and feelings. But I also wanted to point out (from what I read in your post) that some people tend to develop a crazy obsession towards others and kind of wanting to "control" them all the time.

We are all humans after all and because of this we appreciate affection, but in some cases this might blind our rational thought on the situation which as you might expect turns into a toxic relationship.

I don't know the whole context or how does he treat you so I can't really give an opinion, but you can. So try to notice if the things he does, the names he calls you, show respect and care despite the "love" he might feel for you.

I'm here if you need someone to talk with about something specific or just in general so just PM me anytime! Take care, sending you lots of love and hugs