Conflicted about helping a friend.

[Parnate]

So there is a friend of mine. He guides me about religious things. Also sometimes I discuss personal details and ask for his advice, I treat him like a counsellor. In the past he loaned a small amount of money from me and returned back in time. He called me today and asked for a big amount of money. I told him I ll try, and asked my father. My father was like, don't give such a big amount unless you have very close friendship with a person. My father said give a small amount. Also what my father said is that it might become a habit. Now I have money and I can give him. But I am conflicted. Also I am people pleaser and I feel he will get upset. I trust him though. Also I need him to guide me through religious things.
What to do?

 

[pedro3211]

You're a human being, not a bank. It's not fair of your friend to treat you as such. Give him a small amount if you really want or just lie and say you don't have enough to give him.

 

[FF777]

it really depends on how good of a friend he is and how desperately he needs the money..
if it were me then i'd probably loan him what ever he needs BUT he needs to pay me back completely before i loan him any more money at all.. i wouldn't let him borrow any more until the loan i gave him is 100% paid back.. and i would tell him he can take all the time in the world he wants to pay me back, but until he does he isn't getting any more money from me..

also, if it were me, i'd probably yap his ear off for a while telling him that he needs to have savings/emergency money stored back for exactly cases like these where he needs money, and that way he won't have to try to find people to borrow money from next time he finds him self in a desperate situation.. EVERY ONE should have a few thousand dollars or so in emergency money.. and the hope is to NEVER need it; you hope it just sits there for ever and never touched, because it is for emergencies, and you don't really want an emergency to happen; it isn't for blowing on fun stuff.. and if a person DOES need to use it then they need to replace it, because if it saved their ass one time then it might be needed again to save their ass again in the future next time..

but yeah, my vote is to lend him the money, and tell him to get some savings, and by the way you should also make sure you have a lot of savings/emergency money too (i guess you do in this case since you have enough to lend him).. also maybe look in to investing in stocks like at least an S&P500 ETF because that will get you 8% returns a year on average at least..

 

[Forveleth]

Also I am people pleaser... Also I need him to guide me through religious things.

You do not "need" a singular person to guide you on your spiritual journey. This sounds like you might have some sort of dependent relationship and he is starting to take advantage of it.

You do not have to share here, but why does he need a large sum of money? Has he made poor choices with money before and is now in debt? Does he not want to bother saving his own money if he can just get it from you? Also, if you are asking your father for money for a friend who asked you, why did your friend think you have that much money? Or did they know you would just get it from daddy? This sounds extremely sus to me.

 

[thelostautistic]

I've been in a similar position to yourself and I'd advise against giving friends large amounts of money. If you're feeling conflicted then listen to that feeling. Don't feel like you need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I can understand as a people pleaser myself wanting to help out but it's not your responsibility

 

[Parnate]

You do not "need" a singular person to guide you on your spiritual journey. This sounds like you might have some sort of dependent relationship and he is starting to take advantage of it.

You do not have to share here, but why does he need a large sum of money? Has he made poor choices with money before and is now in debt? Does he not want to bother saving his own money if he can just get it from you? Also, if you are asking your father for money for a friend who asked you, why did your friend think you have that much money? Or did they know you would just get it from daddy? This sounds extremely sus to me.

I didn't ask y my father for money, I just discussed with him whether I should give that much money. He has taken advantage of me once.

 

[Chili]

My Brother, do not give them your money. Regardless if he is legit, more likely than not people will return a small portion of money and default on larger amounts. Borrowing and repaying smaller amounts of money earns your trust where you otherwise wouldn't be willing to lend such a large amount of money. And, ask yourself, if they're so responsible why can't they borrow on a credit card or get a loan? What are they actually spending the money and why do they need to borrow it from you?

 

[kittypsst]

Religious counseling? Hope it's not about santería, voodoo or folk religions at large. Christianity has pastors, I could DM you places online to discuss stuff free of charge. What is your friend helping you with?

 

[webb&flow]

Also I am people pleaser and I feel he will get upset.

your money. your rules.

you owe him nothing

Also I need him to guide me through religious things.

IF he is a genuinely virtuous person, he will understand and respect your boundaries.

If he cannot give you grace and forgiveness in your relations with him, he is not worth taking moral advice from anyway. He has to express actual virtue in real life as opposed to merely advising, too. Has to walk the walk after he's talked the talk.

Do not give the money out of stress. You are not obligated to give money to this person.

This tie should exist between both of you out of good free will, bona fide, not out of financial pressures.

Whichever path you go, do it for yourself, not out of fear.

I think you should listen to your father on this. You got this. Best of wishes moving forward <3<3.