shinitai_sh0jo
Is it so selfish to want to feel a little better?
- Dec 30, 2023
- 75
This Wednesday, I ended up crying over something that happened around 2 years ago, (s.a related.)
I have only told my therapist about it this whole time, but I think it got too overwhelming whenever I got triggered by something that reminded me of it.
The opinion of two especific people that make up my family was something that made me very paranoid... "Like what would they think of me if they knew?" "I don't want them to be disgusted over me." I was terrified of their thoughts, if they ever knew.
I ended up telling one of them, and eventually both knew of it already.
"I'm not mad at you for being coerced into doing this. If anything, I'm angry with whoever coerced you." My step-dad said.
"I'd never be disgusted of you for doing what you've done. And even if it was worse, I still see you as my daughter." My mother said.
Though I still think it's my fault, I also recognize that I probably shouldn't be upset with myself, over something I didn't wanted to do in the first place.
I'm glad they don't feel disgust over me. I'm so, so glad, I still cry over it. In fact, I can't help but cry a bit while I'm writing this. But at least, not in a bad way.
I'm really glad.
I have only told my therapist about it this whole time, but I think it got too overwhelming whenever I got triggered by something that reminded me of it.
The opinion of two especific people that make up my family was something that made me very paranoid... "Like what would they think of me if they knew?" "I don't want them to be disgusted over me." I was terrified of their thoughts, if they ever knew.
I ended up telling one of them, and eventually both knew of it already.
"I'm not mad at you for being coerced into doing this. If anything, I'm angry with whoever coerced you." My step-dad said.
"I'd never be disgusted of you for doing what you've done. And even if it was worse, I still see you as my daughter." My mother said.
Though I still think it's my fault, I also recognize that I probably shouldn't be upset with myself, over something I didn't wanted to do in the first place.
I'm glad they don't feel disgust over me. I'm so, so glad, I still cry over it. In fact, I can't help but cry a bit while I'm writing this. But at least, not in a bad way.
I'm really glad.
