A couple of days ago, I had so much anxiety. I walked my dog when it suddenly hit me, and I tried holding in my tears and keeping a straight face whenever people were walking past, since it makes me feel weak. This can kind of be considered the first time I have "cried" in public/in front of someone, so it was pretty unusual for me. When I got home again, it didn't feel any better, so I actually decided to go on a hike, alone. I wanted a place without anyone, quiet and peaceful, where I could just let it all out. The spot I went to is one I haven't been to since I was a little kid; it is a lavvu in the forest where I used to roast marshmallows and whittle sticks. When I got there, it was so quiet, and it had been renewed; I only heard the birds chirping.
I went inside and cried for hours; the wood beneath me was wet with tears, yet the solitude felt nourishing. The time was around 12 AM when I started, and by the time I was done, I was drained. It felt good letting it all out; the walk home was even more peaceful than the walk to the lavvu; it was so quiet, and my nervous system felt relaxed. I appreciated the nature quite a lot. Ever since then, I have not cried as much, and I have not felt as much anxiety as I did. I do tear up a bit thinking about how helpless one can feel when they are at their worst, and how trapped one can feel when they think the only way out is to CTB. I hope each and every one here who wishes for recovery achieves it. Thank you so much for reading.
I went inside and cried for hours; the wood beneath me was wet with tears, yet the solitude felt nourishing. The time was around 12 AM when I started, and by the time I was done, I was drained. It felt good letting it all out; the walk home was even more peaceful than the walk to the lavvu; it was so quiet, and my nervous system felt relaxed. I appreciated the nature quite a lot. Ever since then, I have not cried as much, and I have not felt as much anxiety as I did. I do tear up a bit thinking about how helpless one can feel when they are at their worst, and how trapped one can feel when they think the only way out is to CTB. I hope each and every one here who wishes for recovery achieves it. Thank you so much for reading.
