Venting Still can't get over that one girl I never even dated

[monday?]

I think it's been a year since I stopped talking to her (funnily enough I was the one to end things) and I still think about her every single day. I tried to kill myself, I did 6 months of therapy, got a job and moved to a different country and yet everything else still feels like background noise. Over the past two weeks I have made a routine out of putting on sad music and crying my fucking eyes out once I finish work and get all of my chores done. In fact that is my favorite part of the day. I can't wait to get home and let out this feeling that keeps bubbling up in my chest throughout the day.
I never cared much about love or dating or anything like that but this one woman turned my whole world upside down. I'm not exactly the most attractive or loveable guy out there and that was never a problem until I met her but holy shit I wanted her to love me so bad and when she did life finally felt worth living for a while.
Every time I meet a new girl it just makes me miss her even more because it feels like no other woman in this world comes even close to being on the same plane of existence as her. I still haven't been able to articulate what exactly about her is so special but it's the kind of thing you stumble onto once in a lifetime.
I'm not even sure I want to move on anymore. I think that, in a fucked up way, I enjoy basking in melancholy and living as a wreck, forever broken beyond repair.
At this point I think it's impossible to go back to not caring about love. The chances that I'll find a girl who loves me the way I am are microscopic and even if I found one who did I really doubt I would be interested in her at all.
I know this sounds like something a teenage boy would write one day after his first breakup but it's been ONE YEAR and I still feel like this fml

 

[Ganymede]

Take your time with it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but she seems like someone you still hold very dear. It's normal to grieve over losing someone (even if it isn't something as dramatic as death). And one year isn't a long time at all, so just keep going. I hope you manage to get over it eventually.