I feel like nobody knows me

[burninghill]

More late night rambles from me haha.

I'm not necessarily quiet about my feelings but I'm not open about them either. No matter how much I tell people it just feels like I get nowhere. It feels like I'm under frozen water and everyone else is on-top no matter how much or how little I tell them.

It's very sad and confusing. I don't think I've ever known anyone who I could say knew/ knows me entirely.
It also means that I feel like I'm constantly waiting to disappoint people. If I feel like they don't know me well, then I exist in fear that they might find something in me that they dislike eventually. It makes it hard to ever open up eventually. The longer time goes on for the more apparent that fear gets.

The solution really is to crack yourself wide open from the beginning, but nobody really wants to know that the new person they're talking to is spiritually deluded, chronically suicidal and addicted to self-harm

 

[thefirstluminary]

Lol each time I came across your posts I read them in an asuka voice I can't help it just sounds just like something asuka would say hehe
jokes aside I do relate living in constant fear of what others will think about you in a certain due to not being so open about everything
opening up to people is lame and scary

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

It's rare to form a bond with someone where you can be completely honest with your feelings and have an heart to heart conversation, let go of the mask and pour out pure emotions.

It's hard work to find someone like this and luck aswell, but it can happen.

I'm saying this but i've felt like you, under frozen water, maybe i just poked some hole to the surface and i was almost able to being my true self...

I do believe it's possible, not easy though...

 

[burninghill]

Lol each time I came across your posts I read them in an asuka voice I can't help it just sounds just like something asuka would say hehe
jokes aside I do relate living in constant fear of what others will think about you in a certain due to not being so open about everything
opening up to people is lame and scary

Haha that picture of her made me smile. I think I recognise your account.
I'm sorry you've had a similar experience. It is lame and scary, it also hasn't ever been worth it in my opinion. People never really know what to say

 

[Hollowman]

Relatable, I can't be known cause there is no me anymore.

 

[thefirstluminary]

Haha that picture of her made me smile. I think I recognise your account.

I'm glad that at least made a little happier you are literally asuka
just don't got all tsundere on me now... hehe just trying to make you feel a little better

I'm sorry you've had a similar experience. It is lame and scary, it also hasn't ever been worth it in my opinion. People never really know what to say

I know right it's very draining trying to explain what's on your mind for someone else for them trying to understand what you are going through it's like a maze or solving a puzzle that won't lead anywhere it's just gonna be meaningless efforts by both sides
but that's not always the case some people manage to find people with similar thinking or an experience I'd say can understand people it's just a matter of who that person might and that's gonna be on you to look and find I'm pretty sure you will get someone who fully understand you the way you want and won't judge you about anything you already got a bf I assume that he understands you in some way if not fully and he seemed very supportive and nice based on your posts

@E4syW3y0u7 summarize it very well in his post I'm not very good with words lol