Autism and constantly feeling like a fool

[mysticall]

I'm autistic and I keep finding that how I feel about people is not how they feel about me. I am no one's best friend. I'll check in with people and try to make plans, even fly to go visit people, and a couple days later realize that literally no one has ever fucking done that for me? I just feel like a fucking fool. I am not taken seriously. Oh, I am transgender, so I suspect that also has something to do with it. But my life has gotten unimaginably small since being diagnosed and coming. I'm really trying to keep holding on to the idea that things will get better but I really am also starting to think and fully accept that they are not going to and perhaps it really is time to ctb. It would be a long time coming. I wrote my first note when I was 8 and the misery just compounds year after year. Anyone else autistic and feel this way?

 

[sixthgun]

I feel the same way. I would always make effort to be there for people, staying up all night texting them, commuting to college when I didn't have lessons just so my friend wasn't lonely during breaks, even going to doctor's appointments with them. Yet that effort would never be reciprocated.

It feels like no matter how much I try to act normal, people feel unsettled by me, like they get some kind of uncanny valley effect, and because of that I have to put in thrice the effort to make people tolerate me. I found out that someone who I admired said that they're "not quite sure how to describe me" when talking about me to someone else. Normally that comment wouldn't hurt but the combination of me admiring that person and them being an authority figure in my life sucked. I'd tried so hard to make that person like me, even hiding personal issues I was having as to not be a problem for them.

 

[1000memoryleaks]

I'm autistic and I keep finding that how I feel about people is not how they feel about me. I am no one's best friend. I'll check in with people and try to make plans, even fly to go visit people, and a couple days later realize that literally no one has ever fucking done that for me? I just feel like a fucking fool. I am not taken seriously. Oh, I am transgender, so I suspect that also has something to do with it. But my life has gotten unimaginably small since being diagnosed and coming. I'm really trying to keep holding on to the idea that things will get better but I really am also starting to think and fully accept that they are not going to and perhaps it really is time to ctb. It would be a long time coming. I wrote my first note when I was 8 and the misery just compounds year after year. Anyone else autistic and feel this way?

i feel like it's because humans are generally fixed to want what they can't have. if you're nice enough to always be available for someone they'll quickly take it for granted and not think much of it anymore, whereas they'll spend more time thinking about someone who doesn't think about them whatsoever because it's something they don't or can't have