Venting i feel like no one will ever love me

[catsunemeek]

ive been in 3 serious relationships before, all theyve all gone wrong. my first girlfriend was an abuser who threatened to hurt me and sexually assaulted me multiple times. my second girlfriend felt more like a friend and there was this one time i called her because i was having a breakdown and i was close to ending it but she cared more about going to a party with her friends and left me alone. i thought my current girlfriend was different because i felt like she actually loved me for who i am and she respected my boundaries and just treated me right. then she dropped a bomb on me saying that she sent my nudes to random people because she thought other people getting off to it was hot and she posted them online to random porn websites. she told me that she's gotten off to all of my friend and she listed all the names, and this also included my mom and sister. it hurts so bad because she knows my past and she knows ive been sexually assaulted and objectified since i was a kid. she knows how much i struggle with my self esteem and how i think im less than everyone around me so this just shattered any self confidence i had left. i just feel like i'll never be truly loved. i mean not even my own mother makes me feel loved, how unlovable do i have to be that even my mom doesnt love me. ive been suicidal since i was 9 and i just want to go through with it already. i just give and give and its never enough

 

[struggles_inc]

I feel so sorry you've met some shitty people. Unfortunately most of them are. It's not about you, friend, the world is just rotten and always has been.
Please don't blame yourself for the pain you've been through.

 

[untothedepths]

Its mind boggling just what other humans will do, especially with zero remorse. Despite all of the trouble I've been in I've somehow never lost a sense of remorse (at least I think?). I always feel bad even insulting people, even the worst types of people, but I never get over knowing that other people just take full advantage over others. I'm guessing deep down they have serious, major issues and trauma but they don't care or their brain is structured not to care. That doesn't excuse their unethical and abusive behavior at all, though! Like what the other person said, its not your fault, but I know how it feels to feel like no one will ever care. Abusers can make you feel absolutely worthless even though it is actually their behavior that is what is worthless. I can imagine the shame you must have felt and still do everyday. I wish you didn't have to go through that.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I had one relationship that lasted 4 year - just left on the day of the 4 year anniversary. She came back 2 months later and I was severely depressed. Ultimately it was either the depression or my financial situation as to why she left even though she said I was family. There is no point guessing it just it what it is.
Your situation with those "people" (I wouldn't describe them as that) is just infuriating.

Don't have another relationship. Fuck people. Just stop. You want unconditional love? Dog, cat, etc. They won't treat you like shit, post images without your consent, abuse you, etc. You'll miss the human interaction like hugs but what's the point if they are going to do things that blow up in your face?

 

[kwittywhiskerzz!..]

Awww.. You deserve much better even though I don't know you. I love you and hope you have a good life!

 

[MortalityScares]

I am so, so sorry. Your soul is beautiful compared to these horrible monsters. Much love to you. <3