Venting I feel like i’m going crazy

[PotentiallyWasted]

Idk why but recently everything has just been feeling extra out of place. Like nothing is truly there it's just an illusion and it only really exists once you interact with it. Also there's this random feeling i've been getting about people and it's that I see every interaction with anyone a transaction. I listen to you and in exchange later on you might make me laugh or do a favour for me. Like i genuinely don't care about the wellbeing of anybody and if they added no value directly to my life they might as well die in a fire. it's fucked up and selfish but atp i don't know if I should even care or not. And then there's the fact that I have a plan to kill myself but i'm waiting to see if things somehow get better on their own but i'm starting to think they're probably not, which makes things even more pointless.

TL;DR don't read this it won't really add any value to your day

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi.
Sorry to hear you are going through that. It kinda rings of derrealization with the whole everything is an illusion. But then again I can't diagnose I am not a professional. Are you currently seeing one or getting any help at all? If you are not I'd recommend that. Things don't somehow get better on their own usually no, and specially those that deal with mental health or what you might be describing. A bit of help is needed. You might already be getting that, if so that sucks I hope you can voice this there and get something useful, but if not, yeah I gotta say it.
Also, is the TL;DR about not wanting to waste ppl's time reading cos it won't add value also part of that lack of empathy of yours? as in you are showing concern for the people here cos you want some exchange later? dunno I think you might just kinda nice and considerate and going through a rough time :P
All in all what I said. Hope things get better or more real for you, big hugs <3