I feel like I'll never ctb and it hurts

[Sweetsinking]

I'm just so sad like. No matter how bad I want to die and how much I plan it I just feel that it's not gonna happen. I have no access to guns, overdoses are tricky, I have nothing to do full hanging on, I'll chicken out of partial, I have no where high enough to jump from, so on and so on.
It's just so out of reach or is something I know survival instincts will pick up on. I think my best bet would be to have a gun on hand, but again it's not accessible for me. I'm also not gonna make someone hit me with their car or find me hanging off something like playground bars.

It's just so sad. And it makes me feel like a fraud not attempting, but what's the point if I have nothing that will work. For years I've been thinking about it, and I just don't know if it'll ever come.

 

[DivineSpark]

I have been struggling for many years with my mental health problems. I have been wanting to die for so long...but somehow, I managed to live, if not for my own sake, for sake of family and friends, I am really blessed with good supportive kind people in my life.

 

[Grumpy Frog]

I feel you. I've been struggling for so many years and only made a shitty attempt last year trying to cut my radial artery. It wasn't even me, I was psychotic at the time. I still feel like a fraud because there has never been one real attempt in all my years.

The only method available to me is partial hanging and I tried it out and I knew I couldn't do it. I'd prefer a gun or fentanyl but that is hard for me to get because idk anyone to get either. It just really sucks. I'm kind of hoping I become psychotic again with enough clarity to make a real attempt.

Right now I just look at the things that can make me happy and I try to appreciate them as much as I can even though it's hard with suicide always right there. It has me managing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand finding it painful to exist, I wish there's the option to just choose to cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, it's cruel to me how guaranteed, painless ways to be gone are made inaccessible. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Same boat. I pray every day for a fast-acting terminal illness.