Venting i feel like catching the bus this weekend

[Claymore7274]

Mom's gonna be away for 3 days and i dunno if ill have this opportunity anytime soon, whenever i feel like doing it. I know i've been waiting for a lot of stuff coming in 2026 but i lowkey wanna be dead before new year, i'm craving to feel the rope on my neck again...

I feel very conflicted right now

 

[Pony Slaystation]

Why "before new year"? Is something bad going to happen after that?

 

[Claymore7274]

Why "before new year"? Is something bad going to happen after that?

My family likes to celebrate new years eve and i kinda wanna ruin it for them, just out of spite. I also don't want to be there (my family is extended and live near my house, they also do all that bullshit dinner just outside my place)

 

[Pony Slaystation]

Seems like a high price to ruin their holiday.

 

[Claymore7274]

Seems like a high price to ruin their holiday.

True though.


I'm still kinda tired of being alive, i'm unsure i even want to wait a few more months for banalities such as upcoming games, songs, anime. That's all that is keeping me alive right now

 

[Pony Slaystation]

If you want to piss them off why not buy a plane ticket to some place far away and just wander around for a while and see the sights? You could send them a picture from a nice beach somewhere on New Year's Eve.

 

[Claymore7274]

If you want to piss them off why not buy a plane ticket to some place far away and just wander around for a while and see the sights? You could send them a picture from a nice beach somewhere on New Year's Eve.

That'd be great, i don't have the money for that, i'm kinda broke right now

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

My situation in life is very different than yours, but I can relate. Sometimes I feel like I want to, and I could, and I crave it, and now is a good time, and then.... It's just frustrating.

 

[monetpompo]

If you want to piss them off why not buy a plane ticket to some place far away and just wander around for a while and see the sights?

most people wouldn't have the money to go on a trip like that lol. it would probably make someone less depressed if they had enough money to buy a plane ticket and airbnb somewhere

 

[itsgone2]

Mom's gonna be away for 3 days and i dunno if ill have this opportunity anytime soon, whenever i feel like doing it. I know i've been waiting for a lot of stuff coming in 2026 but i lowkey wanna be dead before new year, i'm craving to feel the rope on my neck again...

I feel very conflicted right now

If conflicted I'd think SI would be tough to overcome. Do you have a plan?

 

[Claymore7274]

most people wouldn't have the money to go on a trip like that lol. it would probably make someone less depressed if they had enough money to buy a plane ticket and airbnb somewhere

yeah i wouldn't be depressed or at least suicidal if i had that kinda money

If conflicted I'd think SI would be tough to overcome. Do you have a plan?

i'm gonna listen to some music to calm myself down, last time i got really scared with the feeling of passing out and i couldn't go past it, it would be great if i could hold the hand of someone while doing it

 

[interna]

if you want to ruin it then you should ctb after new years, like, early january. that way you would be staining the rest of their 2026.

My family likes to celebrate new years eve and i kinda wanna ruin it for them, just out of spite. I also don't want to be there (my family is extended and live near my house, they also do all that bullshit dinner just outside my place)

 

[Claymore7274]

if you want to ruin it then you should ctb after new years, like, early january. that way you would be staining the rest of their 2026.

They don't care much about me ngl, i'll be forgotten in 3 weeks

Also welcome to Sasu!!

 

[interna]

i think you're underestimating what dying is capable of inflicting upon our brains tbh. i still remember some of the deaths of random people i don't care about bc they've stuck with me for one reason or another. trust me when i say you'll stain the upcoming year for them
thank you, by the way (: been a lurker for a long time but only recently made an account.

They don't care much about me ngl, i'll be forgotten in 3 weeks

Also welcome to Sasu!!

 

[Claymore7274]

i think you're underestimating what dying is capable of inflicting upon our brains tbh. i still remember some of the deaths of random people i don't care about bc they've stuck with me for one reason or another. trust me when i say you'll stain the upcoming year for them
thank you, by the way (: been a lurker for a long time but only recently made an account.

You're right, though my family has been through the suicides of many family members before me, my grandpa, and two uncles, who were very esteemed. They have been dead for a while and my family moved on long, long ago. They don't even visit their graves

What saddens me is that i will actually inflict the most pain to the few people that actually care about me, my grandma and mom, everyone else can go fuck themselves