E
estadiare
Member
- Aug 31, 2022
- 46
The dream started as I was sitting on my bed with a kitchen knive in my hand. I wanted to kill myself. As I pushed the knive into my neck, I started getting dizzy. I felt extreme discomfort in my neck, but no pain. I thought I was done with. I started browsing social media etc. I drank some water, and some of it went out of the hole I had created in my neck. But after a couple minutes, I realized that I wasn't going to die; my neck had almost stopped bleeding and the hole was sorta sticked together. The dizzyness was gone. So I grabbed the knive again. Then I was suddenly overcome with desperation, doubt and survival instinct. I could just call 911, drop the knive and continue to live. I had this innate fear and 'sense of impending doom' inside of me. If i don't stop, i could fuck my life up for ever. But then I thought that I went too far to stop now. I may have another try at life, but this all won't matter when I killed myself. If I don't do it, then I will have to explain everyone what happened and i wouldnt be able to kill myself for a while. So I hesitantly grabbed the knive and pushed it into my neck. Slowly I felt my consciousness fading, so I pushed the knive harder. my vision disappeared. Then I realized that it was a dream and woke up at 5 am in my bed.