dinosavr
and if i’m turning blue please don’t save me 🌛
- Dec 14, 2023
- 668
A year ago today I had my first antidepressants prescribed and I was delusional enough to think it would work on the first try. And here I am, a year later, laying down on my bed in the psychiatric hospital, currently trying probably like eighth type of medicine that still doesn't work for me the way it's supposed to. It's almost guaranteed I'll be dumped by this hospital and transferred to another facility to the daycare department, which I'm 99% sure will result with me losing my job. I've already lost so much. But "STAY STRONG". "Everything happens for a reason". "You're enough". "You can do this".
I mean, it's not that I'm not grateful for their support. I believe supporting a mentally unstable person is the most difficult thing to do, so I'm not here to judge anyone. But I just would so love them to be able to finally understand that I don't fucking want to "get through this". I don't want it to "not kill me and make me stronger". No! I just fucking want to finally get some rest. I'd die one day anyway so they might just as well let me go now. I want to go :( I want to go so badly :( They told me a year ago it would be alright, and it's still nowhere near alright and it hasn't been for years now. Why would anyone keep hoping? It only gets worse.
I mean, it's not that I'm not grateful for their support. I believe supporting a mentally unstable person is the most difficult thing to do, so I'm not here to judge anyone. But I just would so love them to be able to finally understand that I don't fucking want to "get through this". I don't want it to "not kill me and make me stronger". No! I just fucking want to finally get some rest. I'd die one day anyway so they might just as well let me go now. I want to go :( I want to go so badly :( They told me a year ago it would be alright, and it's still nowhere near alright and it hasn't been for years now. Why would anyone keep hoping? It only gets worse.