liljeep
wake up i know you can hear me
- Jul 1, 2023
- 94
I have C-PTSD, DID, and BPD. all are diagnosed please no accusations
I have a lot of triggers that are super common, even simple things, and some extremely specific ones. Inevitably, something triggers me every day.
I'm not someone who mentions every time I am triggered, I try to just swallow it unless it's something reasonable enough to remember. Because of course the world and people, no matter how close they are to me, aren't going to bend this and that way just because things affect me specifically too much. I'm hypersensitive even when I'm not triggered, hypervigilant, and my opinions and feelings change so much I don't understand 'myself'. The 'me' I present to the world isn't how I think and I guess that could be said about everybody, but it's not normal. I don't know how to explain it, I'm just not me and I don't know if there is a me.
I am going to have these disorders for the rest of my life and it's too much to bare. There is no amount of time that makes the wounds less sensitive. There is no amount of 'recovery work' in therapy or through self-help that dulls the pain. All I had was drugs and I've been forced into sobriety, there is no way for me to get drugs where I am. Not through the mail, not through messaging people on social media and meeting up with them, nothing. There is nothing. I have nothing, I am nothing.
I have a lot of triggers that are super common, even simple things, and some extremely specific ones. Inevitably, something triggers me every day.
I'm not someone who mentions every time I am triggered, I try to just swallow it unless it's something reasonable enough to remember. Because of course the world and people, no matter how close they are to me, aren't going to bend this and that way just because things affect me specifically too much. I'm hypersensitive even when I'm not triggered, hypervigilant, and my opinions and feelings change so much I don't understand 'myself'. The 'me' I present to the world isn't how I think and I guess that could be said about everybody, but it's not normal. I don't know how to explain it, I'm just not me and I don't know if there is a me.
I am going to have these disorders for the rest of my life and it's too much to bare. There is no amount of time that makes the wounds less sensitive. There is no amount of 'recovery work' in therapy or through self-help that dulls the pain. All I had was drugs and I've been forced into sobriety, there is no way for me to get drugs where I am. Not through the mail, not through messaging people on social media and meeting up with them, nothing. There is nothing. I have nothing, I am nothing.
