I dont want to get better

[hrbdjdjdjdndjd]

Im so sick of trying, only to end up in the same place again. I feel like i dont have it in me to crawl out of this depression anymore because everytime i do i end up in the same place and its unbearable. I hate myself so much and i hate my life. Im so extremely alone in the world and i just want it all to be over.

 

[Alexandra_]

I feel something similar. I just want to leave and end it all. Hugs

 

[white_car]

"Getting better" just means being around for the next wave of horrible stuff life is so creative at dishing out

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Similar feelings here.

 

[NoIdeaForAUsername]

Im so sick of trying, only to end up in the same place again. I feel like i dont have it in me to crawl out of this depression anymore because everytime i do i end up in the same place and its unbearable. I hate myself so much and i hate my life. Im so extremely alone in the world and i just want it all to be over.

The actual issue is the lack of mental power to actually end this nightmare. Im trapped

 

[usernamesarehard]

Yeah, I'm slowly starting to feel the same way. No matter what I do, no matter my accomplishments, I always end up back here. I think I might force myself to ctb at 28 if things don't change. I'm a pretty big wimp and I honestly think I could make it to the end of my natural life, suffering for another 40-50 years if I don't put my foot down.

I'm on meds and they give me energy and motivation. But that's it. They don't take away the depression or the suicidal thoughts. I have a good job at a company many people want to work at, but my job doesn't give me a reason to live. I fix trains. I'm not a public servant, I don't save lives and if I died they'd be able to replace me within a day. And no real value would be lost.

As far as relationships go. I have one, maybe 2 friends max. I've always been a people repellent. I've only had one boyfriend. No one was interested in me when I was in school. He's gone now. He fell out of love with me. Which at the time was pretty devastating, but looking back on my life shouldn't be surprising. I'm on tinder hoping I'll find something. But with the way things are going I have very little faith. I'm giving myself until the end of the year and then I'm quitting. Being on there just depresses me. And I'm not going to find anything anyway. Might as well as try to find some happiness in my final years.

I don't think the depression will go away. Or the suicidal thoughts. It's been almost a decade now. I guess I will put in effort to try to be happy. Go out, work out, eat better. Maybe things will change. Probably not, but at least I can say I tried everything.

Yeah, I guess I'll give myself until I'm 28. Either I find a reason to keep going in the form of a partner or I can actually, honestly say I'm not depressed anymore. I've been living on copium for the last few years. Telling myself I'm too scared and maybe things will get better! It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much money you make or how nice your house is or how good your job is. Depression and anxiety make everything terrible. There's very little that's worth dealing with this suffering.

 

[just a bird]

Someone once asked me what "better" even was. I think I'm starting to understand what they meant.

 

[wham311]

Ya these people keep offering help and its like dude I'm 38 I know how to like, get a job etc, I don't think want to do this anymore. Yes it is simple, you're 25 you don't know anything I don't, I don't want to get better, I want it all to stop but I can't do jt