Venting I don’t want to feel this way

[itsraining]

I really don't want to feel this way, I want to be happy and I want to find happiness somewhere. But I can't help but feel that this world is rotten, and that I'm rotten as well. I've been suicidal since I was a young teen, but now I'm almost 30 years old and I don't feel like it's worth it anymore. I used to tell myself that if I held out long enough that I would find happiness, I've always tried being nice even though I've frequently made mistakes but maybe this is just karmic retribution. Do I deserve this? Does anyone deserve to be unhappy? Why do I have to feel this way and why do I feel like wasted potential? It just makes me feel hopeless. It makes me want to die.

 

[アホペンギン]

No one deserves to be unhappy, especially someone who has experienced depression for over a decade. I'm sorry.

 

[itsraining]

No one deserves to be unhappy, especially someone who has experienced depression for over a decade. I'm sorry.

Thank you for your kind words

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Welcome to the forum.
This world is definitely rotten.
It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do because we live in a sick, twisted society that is designed to keep you miserable, and there is far too much cruelty and suffering to make existence a happy one.

 

[itsraining]

Welcome to the forum.
This world is definitely rotten.
It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do because we live in a sick, twisted society that is designed to keep you miserable, and there is far too much cruelty and suffering to make existence a happy one.

That's the truth isn't it? I wish it didn't have to be this way, constantly grasping at whatever tiny moments of happiness that come our way. It's just so cruel

 

[FuneralCry]

This world certainly is such a hellish place to me and it's cruel how people have to suffer so much so unnecessarily, I don't believe the suffering is deserved. But anyway best wishes.

 

[itsraining]

This world certainly is such a hellish place to me and it's cruel how people have to suffer so much so unnecessarily, I don't believe the suffering is deserved. But anyway best wishes.

Thank you