I don't wanna do this anymore

[thorsve]

I've reached a dead end with my mental health. I have Bipolar and Borderline and can't function at all. I try to surround myself with friends and loved ones but I feel so god damn empty inside. It's like I'm a prisoner in my own mind. I get overly attached to people, then if they let me down in any way, iI panic and want to CTB. I just had an altercation with a friend and even tho it wasn't a big deal, my mood just swung down and I felt like a hopeless, miserable, and that I need to die. I don't trust a single soul probably because I was abused as a child.

I can't make relationships last. I ruin every good thing in my life. This existence feels like torture. I want to leave this world but I'm to afraid to CTB. I tried CTB:ing two times in the past but failed. I think my SI was to strong. I never signed up for this shit. And these suicidal thoughts was brought to me with no advisory. I most likely will CTB soon. I can't deal with my constant mood swings. From minute to minute or hour to hour (borderline) , and episodic (bipolar). This existence is hell.

I don't wanna do this anymore

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to go through, it certainly is such a hellish existence where people suffer so much. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[theboy]

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. It must be exhausting and it sounds like you are in a mental breakdown because your previous attempts failed. I wish you the best.