Help I dont really know

[Stitches]

Since maybe 2020 my naivity to the world has faded and also i kinda fell out of my main character syndrome. 2020 was also the same year i had the death of my ego and i just feel extreme guilt of being the asshole i try not to be today. Trying to be a really good person doesnt seem to work either and shit doesnt seem like its getting better. I try to talk a lil bit to friends and family about it but it doesnt help either. Im not sure if i want to CTB mainly because everytime i try SI kicks in. How do i get it to go away.

 

[UndeadSpectre]

You can't remove SI but you can reduce it with alchocol and drugs.

 

[SVEN]

It's pretty much inbuilt and always there for most of us I'm afraid.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is like the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here, I wish there's a straightforward way to just leave this existence, I find it cruel how suicide is so difficult.

 

[nothingbutmybest]

If I'm being honest, it seems like you're holding onto hope. It's my personal belief that people that are holding onto hope should never let go, it is only when there is no hope that you should choose to die.
That said, survival instinct is natural and built in but humans are built with the incredible power to override our own instincts. Before you override the instinct, you have have absolute confidence that you want to die. Then it's just a matter of accepting death and accepting the method you will use for your death.