Venting I don't know what to do

[Dkelwoow]

Every day it just feels like things get worse. I know I'll never be able to feel like a real girl, and my OCD and the voices are just becoming more and more prominent and intense to the point where I don't know what's my thoughts and what thoughts are forced upon me. I can't live like this anymore, and I've been wanting to CTB for years but I don't know how and am scared what will happen if I fail. EDIT - I guess as an extension of this I'd like help. Where I live things like firearms are practically impossible to come by, and I'm unemployed so methods like drugs are unnatainable. How do I CTB as quickly and painlessly without much chance of failure?

 

[bluebus]

I'm really sorry about what you're going through. It seems like a lot to handle. Fear of failure is definitely something that hold many people back. You seem pretty certain about your decision, and I won't be one to try and stop you. If there is anyway to ameliorate your situation I'd say try those methods first (but I'm sure you wouldn't be here if you've already tried that). Anyways I'm sorry that youre at this point. There are lots of methods on here that don't require drugs or firearms. SN, is a well known one here. Here's a thread with a compilation of information:

SN megathread

This post will be dedicated to compiling all the information we have on the Sodium Nitrite method (SN), including what else is needed and comparing it to other popular methods. Before starting, I HIGHLY encourage you read most, if not all, of the chapters on the PPH, as this method may not be...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Stan's Guide to SN.

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document has been designed to give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it works and how to use it. It will use the most simplest way of delivering this information as many members do not have English as their first language. Therefore using...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Another is inert gas asphyxiation:

GasMonkey Setup [Nitrogen SCBA]

🐵 GasMonkey Setup 🐵 [Nitrogen SCBA] Positive Pressure Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus **images have been edited to ensure anonymity** Front view Side view Back view Pressure gauge Lung Demand Valve and Mask Bluetooth pulse oximeter Cylinder attachment Cylinder's connection...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Inert Gas Cylinder & Regulator, General Refresher Summary:

I've stopped posting on this forum for various reasons--including some personal moral and ethical concerns, and the frustration with so many posters who refuse to do the most basic level of research into methods, even so far as bothering to read the relevant mega-threads on this site from the...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Partial or full suspension hanging:

How to hang yourself

I just thought this information is better off here now, because the original source has been taken down. If this violates any rules or if the author doesn't want this information to be reproduced on other sites, the admins or mods are free to delete my thread. I hope you don't mind, this is very...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I really hope things can better for you, and that you don't need this information. But I totally get how you're feeling (and you have every right to make your own choices), and in that case I hope this is helpful.

All the best,
bb

 

[Dkelwoow]

I'm really sorry about what you're going through. It seems like a lot to handle. Fear of failure is definitely something that hold many people back. You seem pretty certain about your decision, and I won't be one to try and stop you. If there is anyway to ameliorate your situation I'd say try those methods first (but I'm sure you wouldn't be here if you've already tried that). Anyways I'm sorry that youre at this point. There are lots of methods on here that don't require drugs or firearms. SN, is a well known one here. Here's a thread with a compilation of information:

SN megathread

This post will be dedicated to compiling all the information we have on the Sodium Nitrite method (SN), including what else is needed and comparing it to other popular methods. Before starting, I HIGHLY encourage you read most, if not all, of the chapters on the PPH, as this method may not be...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Stan's Guide to SN.

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document has been designed to give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it works and how to use it. It will use the most simplest way of delivering this information as many members do not have English as their first language. Therefore using...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Another is inert gas asphyxiation:

GasMonkey Setup [Nitrogen SCBA]

🐵 GasMonkey Setup 🐵 [Nitrogen SCBA] Positive Pressure Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus **images have been edited to ensure anonymity** Front view Side view Back view Pressure gauge Lung Demand Valve and Mask Bluetooth pulse oximeter Cylinder attachment Cylinder's connection...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Inert Gas Cylinder & Regulator, General Refresher Summary:

I've stopped posting on this forum for various reasons--including some personal moral and ethical concerns, and the frustration with so many posters who refuse to do the most basic level of research into methods, even so far as bothering to read the relevant mega-threads on this site from the...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Partial or full suspension hanging:

How to hang yourself

I just thought this information is better off here now, because the original source has been taken down. If this violates any rules or if the author doesn't want this information to be reproduced on other sites, the admins or mods are free to delete my thread. I hope you don't mind, this is very...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I really hope things can better for you, and that you don't need this information. But I totally get how you're feeling (and you have every right to make your own choices), and in that case I hope this is helpful.

All the best,
bb

Thank you for the kind words

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish there was the option to just leave this world in peace in a guaranteed and very accessible way, it's horrible to me how it's purposely made so difficult to permanently escape from all the suffering that existing brings. But anyway I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for as it must be so tiring having to suffer like that.

 

[Dkelwoow]

I wish there was the option to just leave this world in peace in a guaranteed and very accessible way, it's horrible to me how it's purposely made so difficult to permanently escape from all the suffering that existing brings. But anyway I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for as it must be so tiring having to suffer like that.

Thanks for understanding and not being judgemental. I agree - to me at least there's no excuse for there not to be medically assisted suicides provided to everyone, as it just leads to more chance of people injuring themselves during the process, or suffering much more than necessary. But instead it's seen as this great taboo and even considering it is considered selfish and I don't understand why. Surely making someone feel guilty over wanting to leave, and making them continue suffering when they're struggling so much that ending things is the only option is leagues more selfish

 

[Waterr]

Every day it just feels like things get worse. I know I'll never be able to feel like a real girl, and my OCD and the voices are just becoming more and more prominent and intense to the point where I don't know what's my thoughts and what thoughts are forced upon me.

Its horrible how difficult care and rights have been for the transgender community, not only that but voices and OCD? such an awful thing to put up with... If your thoughts arent trustworthy id say listen to your feelings, if you ever try ctb test it and go by how you felt. Theres nothing worse dying with regret so if you could, try make it your last option, and of course only when you're ready. I would like to say one thing though Girl, no matter what you think and what you feel, you are beautiful. I hope you find the right feelings, whatever path you choose ill be here to support it

 

[Dkelwoow]

Its horrible how difficult care and rights have been for the transgender community, not only that but voices and OCD? such an awful thing to put up with... If your thoughts arent trustworthy id say listen to your feelings, if you ever try ctb test it and go by how you felt. Theres nothing worse dying with regret so if you could, try make it your last option, and of course only when you're ready. I would like to say one thing though Girl, no matter what you think and what you feel, you are beautiful. I hope you find the right feelings, whatever path you choose ill be here to support it

Thanks but I've tried so many different types of therapy including cbt and nothing works at all. It's genuinely hopeless and I just can't keep living like this

 

[Waterr]

Thanks but I've tried so many different types of therapy including cbt and nothing works at all. It's genuinely hopeless and I just can't keep living like this

Aww Im so sorry Girl, you can escape this hellhole calmly and peacefully through the resources bluebus sent but please test run them first... i would hate to know you left us painfully, you deserve atleast a calm end. Im always going to say no matter how you feel about it you can pm me and talk to me and ill be here for you, no matter how slight the feeling
Say have you ever bought a blåhaj before? They're a great comfort itd give you something to hug, cuddle and talk to at night, it isnt like youd get a response but its calming to vent to something you can see (i might just be weird for that)

 

[Dkelwoow]

Aww Im so sorry Girl, you can escape this hellhole calmly and peacefully through the resources bluebus sent but please test run them first... i would hate to know you left us painfully, you deserve atleast a calm end. Im always going to say no matter how you feel about it you can pm me and talk to me and ill be here for you, no matter how slight the feeling
Say have you ever bought a blåhaj before? They're a great comfort itd give you something to hug, cuddle and talk to at night, it isnt like youd get a response but its calming to vent to something you can see (i might just be weird for that)

Thank you