Help I don't know what to do anymore.

[Anhaedra]

I've been suffering for a long time now, almost a decade. I have severe mental illness problems, and therapy isn't really available or useful in the country I live in. I don't know if I'm allowed to what I'm suffering from, but it's a lot more than I can take anymore. No matter how bad it gets, every year it gets worse somehow. I've always had suicidal thoughts but I never acted upon it until the last few weeks, and since then my life has been hell. I keep thinking of why I shouldn't it but I literally can't find any reason to stay: my mental illness makes it impossible for me to find and maintain a job, or talk to people, or have a relationships. I don't enjoy anything anymore even videogames or watching anime or whatever, can't seem to keep doing anything more than 5 minutes.

I'm in so much pain I can't describe it, I fucking hate waking up, and it takes me hours for me to get out of bed. Seriously, if I decided to live, where do I go from here? I don't want to live my life being a burden to everyone I know, can't even financially support myself, can't even find the energy to learn a skill for a remote online job, can't go outside without feeling so fucking anxious about everything and everyone. I don't think I speak anymore, yeah. I sit in my room for days without speaking a single word, and when I try to speak to anyone (like my parents) I cant even form a single sentence without stuttering.

I wish I had the courage to truly kms, but I don't. And I'm left stuck in this existence, without a clue what to do anymore. If someone offered me an easy, painful way out I'd surely take it. But still after all this, I feel like I'm "throwing away" my life, and that by some miracle my life is going to get better. I don't truly believe that's gonna happen, but that's the thought that sometimes pop in the back of my head. "what if it gets better?" but really, it never gets better. I don't know why I'm writing this, don't think anyone could possibly tell me anything that can help me in this situation, but I want to make sure before I do anything. I don't mind living a simple life if it's just clear of pain.

 

[iloveeetreeeess1]

I've been suffering for a long time now, almost a decade. I have severe mental illness problems, and therapy isn't really available or useful in the country I live in. I don't know if I'm allowed to what I'm suffering from, but it's a lot more than I can take anymore. No matter how bad it gets, every year it gets worse somehow. I've always had suicidal thoughts but I never acted upon it until the last few weeks, and since then my life has been hell. I keep thinking of why I shouldn't it but I literally can't find any reason to stay: my mental illness makes it impossible for me to find and maintain a job, or talk to people, or have a relationships. I don't enjoy anything anymore even videogames or watching anime or whatever, can't seem to keep doing anything more than 5 minutes.

I'm in so much pain I can't describe it, I fucking hate waking up, and it takes me hours for me to get out of bed. Seriously, if I decided to live, where do I go from here? I don't want to live my life being a burden to everyone I know, can't even financially support myself, can't even find the energy to learn a skill for a remote online job, can't go outside without feeling so fucking anxious about everything and everyone. I don't think I speak anymore, yeah. I sit in my room for days without speaking a single word, and when I try to speak to anyone (like my parents) I cant even form a single sentence without stuttering.

I wish I had the courage to truly kms, but I don't. And I'm left stuck in this existence, without a clue what to do anymore. If someone offered me an easy, painful way out I'd surely take it. But still after all this, I feel like I'm "throwing away" my life, and that by some miracle my life is going to get better. I don't truly believe that's gonna happen, but that's the thought that sometimes pop in the back of my head. "what if it gets better?" but really, it never gets better. I don't know why I'm writing this, don't think anyone could possibly tell me anything that can help me in this situation, but I want to make sure before I do anything. I don't mind living a simple life if it's just clear of pain.

I know what you mean, I feel the same way. I know it whats its like to keep extending hope for myself but in the back of my head I know I am trapped. I hope that you know you aren't alone in how you feel and that maybe this will bring some comfort to you knowing that there are others that feel the same way. I hope you truly get everything out of this life because even though sometimes we want to leave, we all deserve the chance of change and betterment, all my best wishes.

 

[iloverachel]

I am so sorry my friend, for your suffering and for your recent loss
It sounds awful what you are going through

 

[Anhaedra]

I am so sorry my friend, for your suffering and for your recent loss
It sounds awful what you are going through

Thank you, your words mean a lot.

 

[MarkSmith73]

I've been suffering for a long time now, almost a decade. I have severe mental illness problems, and therapy isn't really available or useful in the country I live in. I don't know if I'm allowed to what I'm suffering from, but it's a lot more than I can take anymore. No matter how bad it gets, every year it gets worse somehow. I've always had suicidal thoughts but I never acted upon it until the last few weeks, and since then my life has been hell. I keep thinking of why I shouldn't it but I literally can't find any reason to stay: my mental illness makes it impossible for me to find and maintain a job, or talk to people, or have a relationships. I don't enjoy anything anymore even videogames or watching anime or whatever, can't seem to keep doing anything more than 5 minutes.

I'm in so much pain I can't describe it, I fucking hate waking up, and it takes me hours for me to get out of bed. Seriously, if I decided to live, where do I go from here? I don't want to live my life being a burden to everyone I know, can't even financially support myself, can't even find the energy to learn a skill for a remote online job, can't go outside without feeling so fucking anxious about everything and everyone. I don't think I speak anymore, yeah. I sit in my room for days without speaking a single word, and when I try to speak to anyone (like my parents) I cant even form a single sentence without stuttering.

I wish I had the courage to truly kms, but I don't. And I'm left stuck in this existence, without a clue what to do anymore. If someone offered me an easy, painful way out I'd surely take it. But still after all this, I feel like I'm "throwing away" my life, and that by some miracle my life is going to get better. I don't truly believe that's gonna happen, but that's the thought that sometimes pop in the back of my head. "what if it gets better?" but really, it never gets better. I don't know why I'm writing this, don't think anyone could possibly tell me anything that can help me in this situation, but I want to make sure before I do anything. I don't mind living a simple life if it's just clear of pain.

I lost everything I had years ago and need heavy meds just to get through the day and night. But I'll keep going for my 15 year old and until God calls me home. There is a reason for suffering and other things that we can't see from the vantage point of this earth. But I can tell you that the world is a better place for you being here. Keep going and just try to do one positive thing each day to make the world a better place. I don't care how small it is. When you eventually cross over you'll be glad you waited and gave things your all. And best of all you won't have to come back here. You'll have accomplished one of the most difficult things imaginable which is completing an Earth lifetime. Don't give up!!

 

[MarkSmith73]

I've been suffering for a long time now, almost a decade. I have severe mental illness problems, and therapy isn't really available or useful in the country I live in. I don't know if I'm allowed to what I'm suffering from, but it's a lot more than I can take anymore. No matter how bad it gets, every year it gets worse somehow. I've always had suicidal thoughts but I never acted upon it until the last few weeks, and since then my life has been hell. I keep thinking of why I shouldn't it but I literally can't find any reason to stay: my mental illness makes it impossible for me to find and maintain a job, or talk to people, or have a relationships. I don't enjoy anything anymore even videogames or watching anime or whatever, can't seem to keep doing anything more than 5 minutes.

I'm in so much pain I can't describe it, I fucking hate waking up, and it takes me hours for me to get out of bed. Seriously, if I decided to live, where do I go from here? I don't want to live my life being a burden to everyone I know, can't even financially support myself, can't even find the energy to learn a skill for a remote online job, can't go outside without feeling so fucking anxious about everything and everyone. I don't think I speak anymore, yeah. I sit in my room for days without speaking a single word, and when I try to speak to anyone (like my parents) I cant even form a single sentence without stuttering.

I wish I had the courage to truly kms, but I don't. And I'm left stuck in this existence, without a clue what to do anymore. If someone offered me an easy, painful way out I'd surely take it. But still after all this, I feel like I'm "throwing away" my life, and that by some miracle my life is going to get better. I don't truly believe that's gonna happen, but that's the thought that sometimes pop in the back of my head. "what if it gets better?" but really, it never gets better. I don't know why I'm writing this, don't think anyone could possibly tell me anything that can help me in this situation, but I want to make sure before I do anything. I don't mind living a simple life if it's just clear of pain.

I have good and bad days and the reality for me is that life was better in the past. I took a wrong turn years ago and lost everything and most all the dreams I have now are about the past. Things were just better then and anything was possible. But now I work a bunch of hours at work, am broke and basically just surviving. But I won't let my 15 year old live in a world without her father so I'll keep on hanging on. A very much longshot is winning the Powerball. I think that would make anything possible once again. But the best consolation I think is from my earlier post. Life is beautiful on the other side and we'll be rewarded for all our sufferings. Stay strong.