i dont know how ill get through today

[symphonyofthenight]

I have to work and I was in the worst pain I've ever been in yesterday - thought I was going to die and didn't go to the ER hoping I would just die and not wake up again.

Unfortunately woke up this morning. I have to work and I can't handle it. Today is so bad. I ordered SN last monday from a well known big volume dog adjacent seller's website. I want it here so I can stop suffering already.

How do you cope? I wish I didn't have to work. I wish I'd gotten botulism like I thought yesterday so I could be dead already. I'm not handling anything well. People keep asking me how I am. What do you want me to say? That I'm incredibly suicidal and the only reason I'm still here is because my SN isn't here yet?

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

do you have enough funds to tide you over until the SN arrive? maybe you should just quit and relax until CTB. Its rude for me to pry about financials so i would just leave it at that. Another tip: If you don't have enough funds maybe max out the CC before you die.

 

[symphonyofthenight]

do you have enough funds to tide you over until the SN arrive? maybe you should just quit and relax until CTB. Its rude for me to pry about financials so i would just leave it at that. Another tip: If you don't have enough funds maybe max out the CC before you die.

Unfortunately no, I would if I could. But I want to also just put up with appearances I guess - because I don't want my attempt to be foiled. If I quit my job then it's more than likely that I'll be found out. I want to put up every appearance of being "normal" to my family. They already think that something isn't right with me.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Unfortunately no, I would if I could. But I want to also just put up with appearances I guess - because I don't want my attempt to be foiled. If I quit my job then it's more than likely that I'll be found out. I want to put up every appearance of being "normal" to my family. They already think that something isn't right with me.

I'm going to assume you are young and possibly living at home. I can't relate to you because there was a phase in my life where I lived at home but i always had been an oddball so If i did things that were strange like a sudden job quit no one would react.

 

[symphonyofthenight]

I'm going to assume you are young and possibly living at home. I can't relate to you because there was a phase in my life where I lived at home but i always had been an oddball so If i did things that were strange like a sudden job quit no one would react.

I live by myself, but my dad has been texting me throughout the day since my bf died. It's like he's checking to make sure I'm still "here". This was the career I spent a lot of my life getting and then now I can't handle it because I'm too depressed. It would probably be better if I quit but I just can't bring myself to. I worry about what happens if I can't follow through on my SN.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I live by myself, but my dad has been texting me throughout the day since my bf died. It's like he's checking to make sure I'm still "here". This was the career I spent a lot of my life getting and then now I can't handle it because I'm too depressed. It would probably be better if I quit but I just can't bring myself to. I worry about what happens if I can't follow through on my SN.

I wish you luck with the SN method whether you chose to use it or not. I am trying to prepare for it also, i need a source of meto.

 

[symphonyofthenight]

I wish you luck with the SN method whether you chose to use it or not. I am trying to prepare for it also, i need a source of meto.

I am going to try it without. Crippling anxiety means I won't be able to lie to a doctor. :(

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I am going to try it without. Crippling anxiety means I won't be able to lie to a doctor. :(

I know i could lie to a doctor but the question is would they even RX?

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry you have to work even if you're feeling so bad!
I just quit my job and ended up living for my parents. I'm alive thanks to them and it sucks. I've started teaching again but only a few online lessons. Truth be told, I don't wanna work at all. I just wanna CTB.

 

[Lostandlooking]

If you can’t quit your job it’s not at all weird to take a couple of sick days. Because of the pain you described. But also because of your mental state. You don’t have to tell them exactly what’s wrong. If it gets you through today then it’s worth considering.

 

[symphonyofthenight]

I'm so sorry you have to work even if you're feeling so bad!
I just quit my job and ended up living for my parents. I'm alive thanks to them and it sucks. I've started teaching again but only a few online lessons. Truth be told, I don't wanna work at all. I just wanna CTB.

I feel this, so hard. My work is about helping others. It's a hated profession, too. And it's...exhausting. Just life, it's so exhausting. How am I supposed to help others now when I can't even help myself?
I'm sorry it sounds like youre going through a lot. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

If you can’t quit your job it’s not at all weird to take a couple of sick days. Because of the pain you described. But also because of your mental state. You don’t have to tell them exactly what’s wrong. If it gets you through today then it’s worth considering.

I took two days off last week because of my bf's sudden death (I didnt qualify for bereavement) and because I'm new at the job, I don't really have time. If I could, I would, but I'm worried they'll fire me. Thank you for the advice. I just feel trapped.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

I live by myself, but my dad has been texting me throughout the day since my bf died. It's like he's checking to make sure I'm still "here". This was the career I spent a lot of my life getting and then now I can't handle it because I'm too depressed. It would probably be better if I quit but I just can't bring myself to. I worry about what happens if I can't follow through on my SN.

I'm sorry that you are going through this and that your bf died. that's awful.

I'm so sorry you have to work even if you're feeling so bad!
I just quit my job and ended up living for my parents. I'm alive thanks to them and it sucks. I've started teaching again but only a few online lessons. Truth be told, I don't wanna work at all. I just wanna CTB.

I have to work and I was in the worst pain I've ever been in yesterday - thought I was going to die and didn't go to the ER hoping I would just die and not wake up again.

Unfortunately woke up this morning. I have to work and I can't handle it. Today is so bad. I ordered SN last monday from a well known big volume dog adjacent seller's website. I want it here so I can stop suffering already.

How do you cope? I wish I didn't have to work. I wish I'd gotten botulism like I thought yesterday so I could be dead already. I'm not handling anything well. People keep asking me how I am. What do you want me to say? That I'm incredibly suicidal and the only reason I'm still here is because my SN isn't here yet?

can you listen to music at work? what do you do if that is ok to ask?

 

[neverever]

I have to work and I was in the worst pain I've ever been in yesterday - thought I was going to die and didn't go to the ER hoping I would just die and not wake up again.

Unfortunately woke up this morning. I have to work and I can't handle it. Today is so bad. I ordered SN last monday from a well known big volume dog adjacent seller's website. I want it here so I can stop suffering already.

How do you cope? I wish I didn't have to work. I wish I'd gotten botulism like I thought yesterday so I could be dead already. I'm not handling anything well. People keep asking me how I am. What do you want me to say? That I'm incredibly suicidal and the only reason I'm still here is because my SN isn't here yet?

I feel the same way, so I strongly sympathize. I am sorry that I cannot offer a good solution. Sending hugs.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I feel this, so hard. My work is about helping others. It's a hated profession, too. And it's...exhausting. Just life, it's so exhausting. How am I supposed to help others now when I can't even help myself?
I'm sorry it sounds like youre going through a lot. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

I took two days off last week because of my bf's sudden death (I didnt qualify for bereavement) and because I'm new at the job, I don't really have time. If I could, I would, but I'm worried they'll fire me. Thank you for the advice. I just feel trapped.

I understand what you post about not qualifying for bereavement. The society hates people who are in love but are not in the traditional family structure yet or even if they don't plan to be in it ever

 

[Lostandlooking]

Hi OP just checking in. How is your day going? Did you find some relief somehow? Sending you hugs