Venting i don't know anymore

[social construct]

hello. it's my first time writing on here. i haven't been able to bring myself to do it, i feel like a fraud. my perception of self is so blurry i don't know who i am anymore. everyday sounds like the same note, i'm replaying a song with no words or melody. i'm not even sad anymore i'm just numb. i feel like i'm stuck in a clump of flesh that's on autopilot fulfilling it's worldly duties. sometimes i tie a piece of yarn around my stomach really tight so i'd at least feel pain. or eat more than usual to feel full but that just makes me hate myself. i can't get out of this cycle and i'm exhausted i don't know whether to kill myself or come up with another solution.