Venting I crave physical affection

[iw2begone]

But I'm scared of it now. I have been taken advantage of many times - because I'm weak. I don't stand up for myself properly, and I trust too much that the other person is safe, and then they aren't. It's my fault, I don't set clear enough boundaries, but I also just want to be cuddled or hugged. I want my hair stroked, with unconditional love, where there is no ulterior motive. Someone with kind eyes and gentle hands.

I crave it, but in my life experience so far, my relationships and my friends, I was unable to feel that for long, if at all, before it went wrong. Surviving the day to day is so hard, I'm finding it so difficult to do this on my own, and I don't think I can for much longer. I've been on my limit for gosh knows how long now.

 

[SilentVelvet]

I think everyone longs for that, but unfortunately, most people don't really have the best intentions

 

[whorror]

It's only natural to want to be loved and cared for. I'm also on the naive side as I don't generally go out there thinking that people are there to hurt me, but it happens more often than not so I get your feeling.

We need to find our own people, but how and where? And when?

 

[iw2begone]

It's only natural to want to be loved and cared for. I'm also on the naive side as I don't generally go out there thinking that people are there to hurt me, but it happens more often than not so I get your feeling.

We need to find our own people, but how and where? And when?

If I had the answer I would share, it really feels impossible. Part of why I feel like I will CTB soon is not because I don't think I can be happy - it's that I've lost the motivation to keep trying for it. I've been let down so many times, and doing one last push feels immensely out of reach.

I like to believe most people do have good intentions at heart, and that way more people than we think struggle at how to communicate them. We are all here struggling together, and yet we get hurt by each other anyway. I can't wait to become on with the void and not feel these things anymore.

 

[avalanche.]

god i relate to this too much.
everytime i feel that i could just lay my head on their chest, they violate me so badly that i wish i never existed. i want someone to love me and for someone to care about me. i don't want to be raped forever.

 

[discernment]

I definitely relate to this a lot. I don't remember the last time I had a hug from someone. I'm traumatised from things that have happened in the past and I don't really know how to move forward from this but I crave intimacy so badly

 

[FF777]

there definitely needs to be some better way to find people that you might get along with.. all the friend-finder apps suck and so we are still left to just hope we randomly run in to people that we are compatible with.. but yeah i mean, like even if a person seems cool at first you maybe don't know what they are going to be like in all situations i guess..

lot of people have what i call "black spots" in their personality, where they might have some negative qualities (that might not be obvious at first) like maybe they pout, or lie, or get angry, or abuse you or just what ever.. and of course they aren't going to show that side of their self to you at first.. but i think you can see signs of it some times.. like if they get unnecessarily angry at the waiter in a restaurant or some thing, then that means they could get angry at you for some thing later for some thing trivial.. or you can see how they treat other people some times too..

i used to have some black spots in my personality and over time i ended up hating it.. i used to pout really bad at my friends when some thing would go wrong and i would stop talking to them for a while or do other annoying stuff back at them, but it always resulted in both of us being hurt and i finally realized "i don't want to be like this any more, this is stupid" and also thought "does EVERY person have to have stupid traits like this in their personality?!? why can't i try to be some one that doesn't have these stupid dark spots in their stupid personality and maybe i can actually try being a motherfracking decent person for once in my life", and so i slowly changed my self and now when my friends do some thing that annoys me i try to communicate with them about what it is that is bothering me instead of pouting at them and then they are wondering what they did to trigger me again..

it's also kind of lame in general how like, every one wants affection like you are talking about, but then to actually find that you have to trudge through alll these obstacles of like: finding some one, then seeing if they want a relationship, then hoping they don't have too many negative personality quirks, and hoping they are being honest about every thing, and hoping their personality clicks with your's, and so it's all kind of a big mess of hoping all of these things work out, even though both of the people want love and affection.. it's sad that it has to be complicated, but i guess it boils down to the fact that each spirit is very unique and some times it's hard to find an other soul that matches well enough to have a relationship with them i guess..

 

[iw2begone]

there definitely needs to be some better way to find people that you might get along with.. all the friend-finder apps suck and so we are still left to just hope we randomly run in to people that we are compatible with.. but yeah i mean, like even if a person seems cool at first you maybe don't know what they are going to be like in all situations i guess..

lot of people have what i call "black spots" in their personality, where they might have some negative qualities (that might not be obvious at first) like maybe they pout, or lie, or get angry, or abuse you or just what ever.. and of course they aren't going to show that side of their self to you at first.. but i think you can see signs of it some times.. like if they get unnecessarily angry at the waiter in a restaurant or some thing, then that means they could get angry at you for some thing later for some thing trivial.. or you can see how they treat other people some times too..

i used to have some black spots in my personality and over time i ended up hating it.. i used to pout really bad at my friends when some thing would go wrong and i would stop talking to them for a while or do other annoying stuff back at them, but it always resulted in both of us being hurt and i finally realized "i don't want to be like this any more, this is stupid" and also thought "does EVERY person have to have stupid traits like this in their personality?!? why can't i try to be some one that doesn't have these stupid dark spots in their stupid personality and maybe i can actually try being a motherfracking decent person for once in my life", and so i slowly changed my self and now when my friends do some thing that annoys me i try to communicate with them about what it is that is bothering me instead of pouting at them and then they are wondering what they did to trigger me again..

it's also kind of lame in general how like, every one wants affection like you are talking about, but then to actually find that you have to trudge through alll these obstacles of like: finding some one, then seeing if they want a relationship, then hoping they don't have too many negative personality quirks, and hoping they are being honest about every thing, and hoping their personality clicks with your's, and so it's all kind of a big mess of hoping all of these things work out, even though both of the people want love and affection.. it's sad that it has to be complicated, but i guess it boils down to the fact that each spirit is very unique and some times it's hard to find an other soul that matches well enough to have a relationship with them i guess..

I really don't know how people manage long term relationships, my longest one was 6 years but it felt like I was kind of just going with the motions you know? There were good parts but ultimately it was kind of just convenient.

It really is awful that we're all thrown here and suffer from black spots that conflict with one another and stop us being happy. I feel like a lot of people don't do the introspection necessary to minimise their black spots, and so you end up both suffering from them. I hate having to be responsible for other people's feelings on top of my own sometimes, it is so exhausting and means I can't feel safe around them.

 

[watergun88]

as a naive person my self, i kind of realize whats went wrong, the naiveites and ignorant killed me.

Family is the fortress we HAVE to build to protect ourself, but i was too naive or have been blind by the peaceful time, i was so naive i don't see why the need of family,
(because family mean you have to endure their 'black spot')
until the wolves and reality locks on the door, if you got no one when you fall, its over .

- For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up- Ecclesiastes 4:10

at the end of my life, i understand the ultimate weapon for all these is forgiveness, and mercy. just like Jesus's love...

please forgive me..

 

[FF777]

I really don't know how people manage long term relationships

i think some thing like long-term marriage becomes a different beast.. i think pretty much in all long-term marriage cases (maybe some times exceptions) it isn't going to feel wonderful and exciting with allure like the relationship did in the beginning years.. the relationship (to survive in to long-term marriage) has to kind of metamorph in to more like a team mentality where they are kind of working together as a team to try to make the best of their lives and every thing.. and i guess having kids might help them have an other big shared goal.. although of course the more compatible you are with some one the longer the relationship/marriage can last.. but also i think at a certain point in the marriage, even if you hypothetically get sort of tired of being with the same person for so many years/decades, you don't really have the energy or youth or time to start completely over with some one new, and so that's an other factor that keeps the marriage together..

longest i was in a relationship for was 9 years with some girl.. she was dorky and lighthearted (matches my own energy) and it was a lot of fun, but eventually in the last year of it i kind of got bored of being with her but i didn't know how to tell her that, so i just kept staying with her in the relationship.. but then like a year after that she ended up cheating with one of my "friends", and i took that as a sign that she must be getting bored of the relationship too, so when she finally told me she was dating my friend i told her like "oh okay, that's fine" and so we ended the relationship but still kept talking to each other on the internet some times until that friend decided she wasn't allowed to talk to me any more and so she obeyed him and stopped talking to me.. oh well, not my problem..

i guess i'll also say that people in general (but not always) tend to mellow out as they get older.. and so negative traits that they might have harbored in the past might have been subdued a little over time, hopefully any way..

 

[ctb_warrior]

I went through your thread, I feel your pain, and I feel the right treatment and right therapy can take you out of your situation. Neuro linguistic programming has some methods that could be helpful, such as swish pattern. I know we are tired to look for a possibility. I myself am tired. But may be, give it one more chance.

 

[iw2begone]

I went through your thread, I feel your pain, and I feel the right treatment and right therapy can take you out of your situation. Neuro linguistic programming has some methods that could be helpful, such as swish pattern. I know we are tired to look for a possibility. I myself am tired. But may be, give it one more chance.

I have tried therapy with two different therapists. I accidentally made one of them cry. I am now a bit terrified of them, and my motivation for it is lacking.

I looked up NLP also, it appears (at first glance) to be pseudo science with no strong evidence for it working.

i think some thing like long-term marriage becomes a different beast.. i think pretty much in all long-term marriage cases (maybe some times exceptions) it isn't going to feel wonderful and exciting with allure like the relationship did in the beginning years.. the relationship (to survive in to long-term marriage) has to kind of metamorph in to more like a team mentality where they are kind of working together as a team to try to make the best of their lives and every thing.. and i guess having kids might help them have an other big shared goal.. although of course the more compatible you are with some one the longer the relationship/marriage can last.. but also i think at a certain point in the marriage, even if you hypothetically get sort of tired of being with the same person for so many years/decades, you don't really have the energy or youth or time to start completely over with some one new, and so that's an other factor that keeps the marriage together..

longest i was in a relationship for was 9 years with some girl.. she was dorky and lighthearted (matches my own energy) and it was a lot of fun, but eventually in the last year of it i kind of got bored of being with her but i didn't know how to tell her that, so i just kept staying with her in the relationship.. but then like a year after that she ended up cheating with one of my "friends", and i took that as a sign that she must be getting bored of the relationship too, so when she finally told me she was dating my friend i told her like "oh okay, that's fine" and so we ended the relationship but still kept talking to each other on the internet some times until that friend decided she wasn't allowed to talk to me any more and so she obeyed him and stopped talking to me.. oh well, not my problem..

i guess i'll also say that people in general (but not always) tend to mellow out as they get older.. and so negative traits that they might have harbored in the past might have been subdued a little over time, hopefully any way..

Thanks for your perspective.

For me the magic ebbs and flows, as long as I don't argue or fall out for some reason I can keep feeling it for a person. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out for you, 9 years is a long time and at least you ended it on somewhat good terms.

I'm also tired of waiting for people to mellow out, it seems to take some people way too long to actually grow up.

 

[ctb_warrior]

I have tried therapy with two different therapists. I accidentally made one of them cry. I am now a bit terrified of them, and my motivation for it is lacking.

I looked up NLP also, it appears (at first glance) to be pseudo science with no strong evidence for it working.


Thanks for your perspective.

For me the magic ebbs and flows, as long as I don't argue or fall out for some reason I can keep feeling it for a person. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out for you, 9 years is a long time and at least you ended it on somewhat good terms.

I'm also tired of waiting for people to mellow out, it seems to take some people way too long to actually grow up.

Let me share a small instance with you. In 2014, i was in a dreadful situation.
I came across this book Telecult power in January of 2015. It taught me about affirmations, i tried it with an open mind, it helped me change a lot of things. I gave it to others also, one of my friend's parents were going for divorce and my friend didn't want that to happen. I asked him to use affirmation, he used it and to my own surprise, his parents never got divorced after that. His father reconsidered. My friend wanted a specific girl, he is married today to that girl thanks to affirmations. Another friend was sick of his manager, and after using affirmations, his department got changed.
So, if you want to, you can give it a shot.
Also, i listened to this audio back in 2015 when i was in a rough mood,

This made me happy automatically.


As far as NLP is concerned, it's not a pseudo science, but a model of the mind and tricks and techniques to deal with problems.

Tony Robbins who worked as a janitor, created his whole career out of NLP to become the world's number 1 life coach.

In India, Antano & Harini charge lakhs for their courses. And they claim they have treated illnesses too.

 

[iw2begone]

Let me share a small instance with you. In 2014, i was in a dreadful situation.
I came across this book Telecult power in January of 2015. It taught me about affirmations, i tried it with an open mind, it helped me change a lot of things. I gave it to others also, one of my friend's parents were going for divorce and my friend didn't want that to happen. I asked him to use affirmation, he used it and to my own surprise, his parents never got divorced after that. His father reconsidered. My friend wanted a specific girl, he is married today to that girl thanks to affirmations. Another friend was sick of his manager, and after using affirmations, his department got changed.
So, if you want to, you can give it a shot.
Also, i listened to this audio back in 2015 when i was in a rough mood,

This made me happy automatically.


As far as NLP is concerned, it's not a pseudo science, but a model of the mind and tricks and techniques to deal with problems.

Tony Robbins who worked as a janitor, created his whole career out of NLP to become the world's number 1 life coach.

In India, Antano & Harini charge lakhs for their courses. And they claim they have treated illnesses too.

what? how do you just get stuff you want with affirmations? this seems a lot like confirmation bias.

I will listen to the video.

 

[ctb_warrior]

what? how do you just get stuff you want with affirmations? this seems a lot like confirmation bias.

I will listen to the video.

Yesss that's the catch. Even i was surprised. I have written an article on the principle of it.. I'll tell u in short, when you engage the abilities of subconscious mind towards a certain goal, be it attracting a job, attracting a partner, anything, you supercharge your chances of attaining it because sub conscious mind is very powerful..while you are reading this post of mine, it is taking care of your heartbeat, blinking of the eyes, digestion and it's also thinking about other things back of the mind, and blah blah blah.
Affirmation is one of the many ways to tune into power of subconscious mind. And when you use it properly, you'll find that almost magically you are able to "manifest" your desires. (There's no such thing as manifestation btw it's just a new age term that self help authors use to make it sound mystical - manifestation is simply utilising all your mental resources to achieve a goal. Because we are not aware how the subconscious works really, so it feels like magic and hence the term manifestation)

what? how do you just get stuff you want with affirmations? this seems a lot like confirmation bias.

I will listen to the video.

Let me share a beautiful story publicly for every reader.
So, when i was in college, i had failed in life to find a like minded friend or a partner. I thought to myself, is there no one in this world, who thinks like me? Am i an alien? I want to meet my soulmate even if it's going to be temporary.
I thought to myself, if i had a soulmate what would she be like, i described all her features, physical, mental, spiritual.
I did this in mid of january of that year. And in less than a month, in the first week of February, i came across this girl who was mutual friend of a close friend of mine. She asked me to look at her pic, and when i looked at her pic, i knew she is the one. I allowed myself to wait and see what future holds.
We became fond of each other very quickly, and we were like minded. Almost similar in every thing. I used to smile looking at her messages and my classmates would ask me why am i smiling so much.
In 6 months, we got into a relationship, that lasted 8 long years. It was a fairytale like relationship. I also taught her the power of the mind, due to which she was one of the two students in her college to get a job. Later on, one of her manager was bullying her, i gave her an NLP technique and that solved the problem for her.
I gave this technique to two of my other friends who were seeking a relationship. They also manifested their partners. Both of them are happily married.


How it works actually?
When you go to a supermarket, if you don't have a list prepared, you'd pick random items to put into your cart, but when you've a list of items prepared, you'll be focused and pick only those items.

So manifestation is not woo woo or witchcraft or anything of that sort. It's just priming the mind to achieve a certain goal. Even if it looks impossible.

E.g. if the wright brothers didn't believe they could create a device that could carry humans and fly, may be, we would still be dependent on road and seas

 

[iw2begone]

Yesss that's the catch. Even i was surprised. I have written an article on the principle of it.. I'll tell u in short, when you engage the abilities of subconscious mind towards a certain goal, be it attracting a job, attracting a partner, anything, you supercharge your chances of attaining it because sub conscious mind is very powerful..while you are reading this post of mine, it is taking care of your heartbeat, blinking of the eyes, digestion and it's also thinking about other things back of the mind, and blah blah blah.
Affirmation is one of the many ways to tune into power of subconscious mind. And when you use it properly, you'll find that almost magically you are able to "manifest" your desires. (There's no such thing as manifestation btw it's just a new age term that self help authors use to make it sound mystical - manifestation is simply utilising all your mental resources to achieve a goal. Because we are not aware how the subconscious works really, so it feels like magic and hence the term manifestation)

Let me share a beautiful story publicly for every reader.
So, when i was in college, i had failed in life to find a like minded friend or a partner. I thought to myself, is there no one in this world, who thinks like me? Am i an alien? I want to meet my soulmate even if it's going to be temporary.
I thought to myself, if i had a soulmate what would she be like, i described all her features, physical, mental, spiritual.
I did this in mid of january of that year. And in less than a month, in the first week of February, i came across this girl who was mutual friend of a close friend of mine. She asked me to look at her pic, and when i looked at her pic, i knew she is the one. I allowed myself to wait and see what future holds.
We became fond of each other very quickly, and we were like minded. Almost similar in every thing. I used to smile looking at her messages and my classmates would ask me why am i smiling so much.
In 6 months, we got into a relationship, that lasted 8 long years. It was a fairytale like relationship. I also taught her the power of the mind, due to which she was one of the two students in her college to get a job. Later on, one of her manager was bullying her, i gave her an NLP technique and that solved the problem for her.
I gave this technique to two of my other friends who were seeking a relationship. They also manifested their partners. Both of them are happily married.


How it works actually?
When you go to a supermarket, if you don't have a list prepared, you'd pick random items to put into your cart, but when you've a list of items prepared, you'll be focused and pick only those items.

So manifestation is not woo woo or witchcraft or anything of that sort. It's just priming the mind to achieve a certain goal. Even if it looks impossible.

E.g. if the wright brothers didn't believe they could create a device that could carry humans and fly, may be, we would still be dependent on road and seas

I listened to the whole video in a meditative state. I can't say I really felt much happier, but I did feel a little calmer, if anything because it at least distracted me from my thoughts for a bit, so thank you.

You are a very interesting person, I'm happy you were able to achieve your relationship. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I will try the list making technique.

 

[ctb_warrior]

I listened to the whole video in a meditative state. I can't say I really felt much happier, but I did feel a little calmer, if anything because it at least distracted me from my thoughts for a bit, so thank you.

You are a very interesting person, I'm happy you were able to achieve your relationship. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I will try the list making technique.

It's my pleasure and I'm so glad that it helped you feel calmer. Imagine if you do this regularly, all the thoughts will come to rest and you'll feel peaceful just like that.

Hehe thank you. It's just that my failed attempts made me look for alternatives to hack life and i did manage to find some great hacks to it.

Yes , atleast I can say that I have experienced true love. I remember when I was holding hands with her while crossing the road, I felt fulfilled and content. That I have someone whom i could call , Mine. We were watching the animated movie inside out together, that's when I held her hand for the first time.. had some nice experience while it lasted.

Sure. I used to have an audio by Joe Vitale, I'll see if I can find it again, after listening to it, it helps you find a partner easily.
I'll teach you a small principle that i have learnt through all my breakups and mistakes. Love yourself first, when you love yourself first, the other person will love you more. If you love them first, you'll not only lose them but lose your mind too..
Keep yourself above everyone else in your life. Self esteem and self respect are not selfish, but they are mandatory self love.

God bless you.
In love, light and peace

 

[iw2begone]

It's my pleasure and I'm so glad that it helped you feel calmer. Imagine if you do this regularly, all the thoughts will come to rest and you'll feel peaceful just like that.

Hehe thank you. It's just that my failed attempts made me look for alternatives to hack life and i did manage to find some great hacks to it.

Yes , atleast I can say that I have experienced true love. I remember when I was holding hands with her while crossing the road, I felt fulfilled and content. That I have someone whom i could call , Mine. We were watching the animated movie inside out together, that's when I held her hand for the first time.. had some nice experience while it lasted.

Sure. I used to have an audio by Joe Vitale, I'll see if I can find it again, after listening to it, it helps you find a partner easily.
I'll teach you a small principle that i have learnt through all my breakups and mistakes. Love yourself first, when you love yourself first, the other person will love you more. If you love them first, you'll not only lose them but lose your mind too..
Keep yourself above everyone else in your life. Self esteem and self respect are not selfish, but they are mandatory self love.

God bless you.
In love, light and peace

Inside out is a great film, I loved it and the sequel so much, honestly my favourite films. I will be interested in listening to any more videos you recommend, even if only to listen to once out of curiosity. I kind of liked the audio sensations of the first one.

I do try to love myself, part of my issue with CTB is I currently see it as an extension of loving myself. I do not want to cause myself to keep suffering by staying here.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Inside out is a great film, I loved it and the sequel so much, honestly my favourite films. I will be interested in listening to any more videos you recommend, even if only to listen to once out of curiosity. I kind of liked the audio sensations of the first one.

I do try to love myself, part of my issue with CTB is I currently see it as an extension of loving myself. I do not want to cause myself to keep suffering by staying here.

Inside out is amazing i too watched both the parts. It gives a good insight into how beliefs are formed.

Sure, I'll share any such interesting videos with you.
I found the following meditations helpful:





Meanwhile, I like the following motivational songs:




They lift my spirit when I listen to them.


I can relate with self love in context of ctb. It's like saving ourselves from the agony.
For me, ctb is like a way out of my endless suffering. I can correct my life but i don't have the motivation left to do so. I wanna sleep now. But no method so, i have to face this life