Venting I can’t wait anymore

[greyblue_bian]

As some of you know, I ordered SN about a week ago. They have said I need to wait another week for it to just be shipped out, but I can't. I need to go. The urge to set myself on fire and stab myself to death and starve myself for months just grows every hour of the day because I keep reminding myself that my SN isn't here when I need it. But, I have to keep pretending like I'm still a functioning human being because I'm always being watched, I mean I don't even have my own room and I'm still living with my family that don't even care about me. It's just an area behind the living room with no fucking wall or door for privacy. It's not the worst of my problems, but it's slowly starting to get to me too. I'm a failure and that's my truth. If anyone can please PM me a really good SN source and how to get it shipped to the US. I just feel like I'm dragging myself foward. No one else will change and they expect things and others to change when they want it to for themselves, but they won't do it for other people because in someway, their lives are much more valuable and important. I'm not typing anymore.

 

[picklemick]

I understand the feeling of having your chosen method taken away. It's very stressful. Other methods seem too scary. Hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[FuneralCry]

SN certainly seems to be more and more difficult to access these days, I hate how hard it is to reliably die in this world, I find it horrible how this society is so anti-suicide where reliable method options are restricted. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.