Venting i cant subconsciously consider suicide as an option

[emptymiku]

for some reason, it just feels like it's completely out of the question in my mind, despite the fact i want it so bad and there's nothing im looking forward to. why does it just feel like something needs to click before i plan anything? it would most likely be several years out from now, but i just can't get it to click in my head... my SI is strong, and i have really specific criteria of how i'd want to die, but i still haven't found a method that matches it, or if it would be possible. does anyone else feel the same?

 

[thehorizons]

Don't know but about you, but my SI is pretty low cause I have oral cancer. I'm not going to let the disease rot my lip, tongue, and gums while I'm still in control. It's already rotting my lower lip a bit. I can't even get surgery for it because I have a neurological condition that makes essentially allergic to anesthesia, so even if I want to live I'll suffer from the surgery (as if mutilation was not enough). I'm not here to play around and choose an attractive method. I just need something that would be effective. I'm at the point where I could jump too and, maybe, I will if I can't accomplish the inert-gas method or night-night. I'm also at a point where I could just raw dog the Sodium Nitrite. Try getting an illness like oral cancer, eye cancer, or nose cancer and maybe you'll have less SI. You can do it like me and smoke shisha every day for a year (keep the smoke in your mouth and blow rings).

 

[EmptyBottle]

Sometimes I feel like I also can't fully consider CTB, I may imagine timeframes for CTB sometimes, tho just let those timeframes pass.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It feels like something I can't do till my Dad goes first. I'm just hoping like mad that following that, I will feel free enough and brave enough to go.

 

[PanaxMan]

for some reason, it just feels like it's completely out of the question in my mind, despite the fact i want it so bad and there's nothing im looking forward to. why does it just feel like something needs to click before i plan anything? it would most likely be several years out from now, but i just can't get it to click in my head... my SI is strong, and i have really specific criteria of how i'd want to die, but i still haven't found a method that matches it, or if it would be possible. does anyone else feel the same?

Not for me but maybe try living out your life a little bit longer. Maybe something will happen that goes well in your favor. You don't know unless your life circumstances force you not to.

 

[2muchpain2]

You can do it like me and smoke shisha every day for a year (keep the smoke in your mouth and blow rings).

is that what did it? wow that's wild. if you are ok with me asking, are you young?

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

I really understand that, I actually wanted to ctb last summer tho my mom somehow felt that, I never talked about it, not irl, not online
I was just gonna do it and before that I hugged my mom, told her I'm going to the mall and I was on my way when she texted me something like that she's scared, that this felt like a goodbye and that she's having a panic attack rn, she was scared
All year I tried to be distant, In the hope it would hurt her a bit less.
Tho it should have been clear for me that this is never happening, my mom loves me so much and I feel bad for her, I don't understand why I feel like this at all

I want to die, I fantasize about suicide tho I can't do it, atleast not any time soon so I'm just trying to get better as that's the only way I can imagine living much longer