I think my body wants to die more than I do

[sleepytime5]

I literally cannot calm myself down if I dont think of suicide my body tweaks out, I can't go to sleep unless I think of me killing myself, I am not exaggerating it feels like I want it subconsciously more than consciously. I also have a RAGING eating disorder that won't let me eat anything unless I think of suicide, it feels as if I am baiting a pig into running with a carrot. In that case the pig is my nervous system and body and the carrot is suicide

 

[Ben 111]

Sounds Grimm..anyways ur not alone

 

[orphy]

I sort-of relate. The thought of suicide presents itself as a kind of emancipation... a golden ticket to liberty. To merely contemplate it, then, is an act of profound repose. That's how I feel about it, anyway.

The pig analogy is great, by the way. Lol.