HaibaneRakka
Member
- May 13, 2023
- 80
Its like ive been trying to stablize myself but its like I feel so awful, if I call a hotline they will just try to stall me out for a hour and if I say to much call the police. If I go to the hospital they will just hit me with the what do you want from us line like im ordering from a drive through. sometimes I have this idea we dont live that long anyway like time always feels like its going by so fast and its like even if we lived to 100, 100 isnt that big a number like 100 seasons of picking cucumbers miss one and its a huge blow to your life one year of being away from those you love is a huge blow to. Like you may be like oh thats a long time but before you know it you will be 30 40 50 60 ect and then eventually your body will start to feel wrong and not like it should like scary wrong. I have no family very few friends none irl and my bf is ldr still making me feel even more alone. I have a insane fear of science in a way the way it wants to explain everything about everything like I heard something about the reward center of the brain not firing for some description of something and its like what do you mean reward center why cant it just be we feel happy or sad why does everything need a deep explantation. Like overal every day these past few weeks has been so painful I dont want to be apart of this world but I dont wanna leave my bf behind.
