I can't do this but I have no way to go

[fleshgarden]

I feel so nauseous from my dread and anxiety every day I can barely walk. I am constantly using my brain at a maximum threshold because of my fears . everyday I'm so tired and I have no future. I'm just waiting for the days to end. I'm in a relationship but I think it's going to stop soon because I know she stopped loving me because I'm so repulsive and I really can't stand myself either. all day I dissociate and if I'm not I'm feeling so much pain. I can't stand the thought of me continuing to exist, or even how I exist in the first place. I wish I could either make it all go away or die, and the latter is much more possible.. but I keep looking and looking and there's no way for me to cbt in the way that I want. I can't believe I have no way out and I have to make everyone including myself suffer even more.. I really can't take it.. I am so close to giving up and skipping all of my "priorities" and letting my body and everything to do with it waste away.. if only I could