Venting i cant decide if i want to ctb and its frustrating

[little_tree]

I have this feeling of escaping, escaping everything. All the problems, every mistake I've made, everything. But I can't for several reasons. I think one of the main reasons is loving someone. When you love someone so much you don't ever want to leave them, you want to be with them. The problem is I can't really be with this person because distance is one of the main issues. And thats why it becomes one of the reasons i want to ctb because i want to be with this person so bad but im not sure if i will be able to be in the future and it eats me up alive. But again at the same time there's a chance i could be with this person in the future so im worried if i end it now i wont be able to experience that. Its just a huge mess for me, maybe its not that big of a deal but its killing me. I already hate how my life is, but i dont want to leave someone i love behind, even though i may not even end up with them. Its like in my mind im ready to ctb but deep down inside i know im not ready right now but i still want to do it so bad and its like frustrating. Im not sure what to do...

 

[Erring]

From here, it seems best that you wait on your decision. It's like putting salt onto your food, in a way. Add to much too soon, you can't remove it later.

PS: In my experience, take your chances to be happy, while you can.

 

[UKscotty]

The only people who are sure have left this world.

Until our last breath there is hope of recovery and we can change our mind at any moment.

I firmly believe that once someone has decided, they will find a way to CTB in that moment.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[1043169]

This post means you're not ready. Take some time to think. Things can change in your future.

 

[sugarb]

I have this feeling of escaping, escaping everything. All the problems, every mistake I've made, everything. But I can't for several reasons. I think one of the main reasons is loving someone. When you love someone so much you don't ever want to leave them, you want to be with them. The problem is I can't really be with this person because distance is one of the main issues. And thats why it becomes one of the reasons i want to ctb because i want to be with this person so bad but im not sure if i will be able to be in the future and it eats me up alive. But again at the same time there's a chance i could be with this person in the future so im worried if i end it now i wont be able to experience that. Its just a huge mess for me, maybe its not that big of a deal but its killing me. I already hate how my life is, but i dont want to leave someone i love behind, even though i may not even end up with them. Its like in my mind im ready to ctb but deep down inside i know im not ready right now but i still want to do it so bad and its like frustrating. Im not sure what to do...

Well, look at this way:

You're going to die eventually no matter what happens, so there's no risk of missing the train. It'll come back someday.

Outside of a few situations like permanent stays in mental hospitals, imprisonment, or loss of mobility, you can put it off CTB for as long as you want, or forever.

There's no timer ticking down, take your time.