Venting I can’t believe I’m still here

[JustSomeoneOnline]

I'm still alive and kicking. It scares me. If I followed my original plan then I wouldn't be alive. I wouldn't feel this terrible. I'm on edge all the time and scared my family is gonna send me to the hospital 24/7. Recently my family has been acting more creepy, like how they act when they know you want to ctb. If yk, yk. It's been setting me off and I can feel myself losing more and more of my self control. The cutting is getting bad, so is the vomiting. Every time I leave my room someone secretly searches through it. I'm scared to leave my room now. I'm scared they might find everything I've hidden in there. I'm hopeless. Everything is crumbling down and yet I'm still here standing amidst the rubble. I'm still here. Why? I'm seriously crumbling down inside and yet my body is still alive. It hurts pretty bad haha. I wish I could die already.

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm sorry there are so many things preventing you from ctb and how your family doesn't provide you any privacy and ready to send you to the hospital if you do anything that'd show signs that you'll ctb very soon. It's regrettable that this has to be the case fo you but I hope you manage to find some peace and relief from all this pressure on you, soon. I send you my best regards and lots of strength.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful being trapped in that situation, I find it so cruel how people cannot just leave this world in peace whenever they wish to. But anyway best wishes.