I can go to California and I am the only barrier

[trying ungracefully]

My aunt invited me to go to California to visit her which would be really nice because I don't get to see her often. She even offered to take me to the dispensary so I don't have to worry about anxiety or sleep there. My grandma and I would be staying her neighbors house because they will be out of town at the time we will be there and they were kind enough to offer up their house. I wouldn't have to pay for anything either except my weed and souvenirs if I want them. It is an amazing plan.

I am just so scared even though it seems exciting. I don't know how I would be in a different state, on a plane again, and how I would deal with my anxiety while there. I know I can get something that can be used as needed but what if it doesn't work? I don't want my aunt's money to go to waste with me just staying in the house while she is out doing things with my grandma. She is like me where she has trouble leaving the house (she is a lot better she just struggles sometimes) so I don't think she would really mind it is just the fact that I don't like wasting people's money. It's happened before with my anxiety and it makes everything 1000x worse.

I also don't want to go on the plane. It is a 4 1/2 hour plane ride to get there and it is just going to be a lot. First I am going to have to dehydrate myself so I don't have to pee at all which is going to suck and second I am going to need to spend that time in a cramped space where I can't really move. Also I have been seeing a lot of plane crashes in the news and it just seems like it's happening too frequently now and idk if they are just reporting more but it is scary.

It is the best plan with family who understands me and it's not a invite that is going to come around around all the time and I want to see my aunt and spend time with my grandma. They are my favorite family members. Also I went to California to visit her when I was 13 for my 8th grade graduation present from her and I loved it so much, I live by a beautiful Great Lake but it can not compare to the ocean waves.

How do you get yourself to do something so scary to you? How do you prepare to do it?

 

[doomedbynarrative]

For me, I try to provide myself with as many comforts and familiar things and distraction activities as I can.

Also idk where you're flying from but California is a beautiful state and in my past experience people there can be quite friendly and understanding to others.

If you're flying into LAX, be a little prepared for it to be busy. You also might see a celebrity. If flying into SAC ITL, hope you get to have fun using their people mover and don't be afraid to ask anyone for directions or help.

If you're missing lakes, I highly recommend going to Lake Tahoe if you can sometime. It's beautiful.

- I used to travel California a lot for college decades ago.

 

[trying ungracefully]

I just wanted to say that I decided I am going unless I really can't, the travel insurance is up to a day before for the refund so will have enough time for my anxiety.

But I want to push myself and try not to cancel because this is such a good opportunity to visit my aunt and just get out there again. It will be the biggest thing I have done in a while, I went on a camping trip with my boyfriend but that was easier because I view him as my safe person.

Now I just have to get my Real ID because you can't get on the plane without one. It's giving me anxiety because no one is taking me yet and it takes a bit to arrive in the mail, I can't use the temporary paper one for TSA.

I'm excited and nervous but it's amazing because the excitement is outweighing the negative feelings. My usual therapist is on maternity leave but when she comes back and hears I got my ID and went on a trip she'll be so proud I think. It makes me feel good because I feel like I disappoint her a lot with not doing things.