I am ugly

[k75]

This is a very small percentage. Hollywood has really strict and high standards when looks are concerned. It is tough to suceed even if you are beautiful, and not to mention less beautiful, although it is true that charisma and talent are also sought for in a person. But more or less, more beautiful people will succeed.

But that, and the fact beautiful people also want to kill themselves- doesn't change the fact that someone somewhere feels like genetic trash and repulses over themselves and that that feeling is real and hard.

Just to clarify, my two questions were strictly addressing the later argument that beauty is necessary for any kind of success. That's an absolute, and this topic has too many variables. I was pointing out two of those, and I chose celebrities because pretty much everyone knows who they are. Anyway, even if there was just one ugly, successful actor, that disproves the theory that nothing can be accomplished if you aren't attractive.

I keep seeing Instagram being used as a reference, and I have to laugh. That's not representative of reality either. Instagram is full of beautiful people (or people who think they are) who want to show off. Obviously, the "real" people who feel badly about themselves aren't going on there posting selfies and shots of their supposedly perfect lives. Really, all those pretty people are a minority, too.

I would never say anyone's feelings aren't valid. If you feel a certain way, of course it means something. It's real to you, and it affects you. But feelings aren't fact, thoughts aren't automatically true. Nobody knows what other people really think, and it's not impossible that someone could think you're amazing and you have no idea because you're busy trying to disappear because you feel so inferior.

Another thing I was thinking is when you feel badly about yourself, you tend to hide from the world. And then you're alone and feel nobody can ever love you or want you. But if you're hiding away, how do you even know? Nobody can like you if they don't know you exist.

I really understand these feelings. It's something I struggle with, and in a way, it's one of the reasons I'm here. I kind of suffer on both sides. People tell me I'm attractive, and I finally got to the point where I can believe it even though I can't see it. But I suffered botched surgeries, and I feel mutilated and feel disgusting and can't allow people to get too close anymore. Even if people can't see the damage during casual interactions, it's HUGE in my mind all the time, and it taints everything. I feel like everyone should hate me too and think I'm hideous. But I also recognize that it's irrational and untrue.

 

[Amumu]

If good looks were necessary for a happy, successful life, then how do you explain ugly A-list actors and their fans?

See my previous post. It's necessary for most people. Good looks = Not bad looks
You're all giving counter-examples which can't be generalised to the average person.

"Hey, I dated an ugly person, Hey see the happy actors, Hey I've known one ugly person who was happy"

God guys will you please stop with Instagram? I get the impression to be retarded
Personally I don't use it at all and I still have severe DM Phobia

I don't know where you saw someone saying "beauty fixes everything" btw
Obviously it's false, and nobody said that.

Hugs for your surgery

The fact is that it's just your perception. You can be "beautiful" according to the imposed standards, yet "feeling like genetic trash" and be alone and feel miserable. That's it. But this doesn't mean that someone out there can't fall in love with you, that you'll be unable to find a job because of this, etc. It is you who are preventing that from happening.

Yes let's say to a deformed person that if they can't find a job or fall in love, that's their fault.
After all, "beauty is subjective", right. Jeez man. Invalidation x1000

 

[Nexuno]

Yes let's say to a deformed person that if they can't find a job or fall in love, that's their fault.

You're horribly wrong on this, sorry.

 

[k75]

I just honestly believe nobody looks as good or as bad as they believe they do. I don't think many humans are capable of looking at themselves objectively.

In my own experience, the things that bother me most about myself aren't as big of a deal to most others who see them. It doesn't make it ok for me, but it does tell me there's a big disconnect between perception and reality.

 

[whatever101]

I know people have it worse .

I hate my appearance so much. I dont want my picture taken and it turns in to massive argument when my mum or family wants to take my photo . i hate it when people complement me saying " i am pretty "

I dont like seeing my reflection

I am a black woman, I have black hair and brown eyes. Very dull features.

I hate looking in the mirror and wish i had another face.

Sometimes i wish had had a blonde hair and blue eyes because i will look for more interesting and men will want to date me.

I am 23 and it is too late for me to meet someone. Everyone has their first boyfriend in their teens . I was always builled for how i look at school.

I am ugly people dont see what i see.

I am a nice person but it is not enough in this world. My Grandmother says i need to wear more Make up and men will want me.
I dont mind wearing make up but i need a style that suits me.

We live in a world where beauty is absolutely everything.
I cant compete in this world.

If i was attractive my life would be a lot easier i would have a boyfriend and i would belong in society.

Trust me it's better not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. When they break your heart is going to be more painful.

 

[Starseedchip]

Your feelings are valid as appearances play a vital role in our lives. I am also a black woman around your age. I've been on both sides. I was once considered very attractive and treated badly. Now I'm considered unattractive and treated badly. There are some genuine individuals who truly don't care about appearances. Your self image can be skewed by many things including societal standards that usually exclude women like us. We are our own worst critics.

 

[adam&eve]

You all sound like beauty is all perception and that there couldn't be a person that is ugly.

Standards exist for a reason, not because they are ultimatively true but because they serve to describe the opposite of ugly.

Nobody ever replied to my example of a woman (can be a man, too) who has set chriterias on beauty for example just to have to deal with herself not looking that way in the mirror. It's not about finding a job or love, but about being trapped in something you alone find repulsive and disgusting and that doesn't fit your chriteria or the beauty standards (or both in most cases).

As I've said, beauty standards exist for a reason. There is a reason crooked teeth are not considered "beautiful", and so on and so forth.
You can be ugly and be OK with that but you can surely feel worst of disgust about it because of having to be trapped in something repulsive to you.

 

[TattiQueen]

I know people have it worse .

I hate my appearance so much. I dont want my picture taken and it turns in to massive argument when my mum or family wants to take my photo . i hate it when people complement me saying " i am pretty "

I dont like seeing my reflection

I am a black woman, I have black hair and brown eyes. Very dull features.

I hate looking in the mirror and wish i had another face.

Sometimes i wish had had a blonde hair and blue eyes because i will look for more interesting and men will want to date me.

I am 23 and it is too late for me to meet someone. Everyone has their first boyfriend in their teens . I was always builled for how i look at school.

I am ugly people dont see what i see.

I am a nice person but it is not enough in this world. My Grandmother says i need to wear more Make up and men will want me.
I dont mind wearing make up but i need a style that suits me.

We live in a world where beauty is absolutely everything.
I cant compete in this world.

If i was attractive my life would be a lot easier i would have a boyfriend and i would belong in society.

Oh no, I absolutely hate to hear this! I can honestly relate to you so much, and know exactly where you are coming from. It took me a while to get out from the place you're in. I am so sorry for where you are right now and how you feel dear, I truly am. I hated my appearance, specific things mainly, for so long. Eventually I found things in myself I loved, and found a way into a mindset that didn't give a shit anymore about what others thought. Most of the time though, people suck, absolutely! It seems like the shitty people were all in one place for you, and frankly fuck them. I really wish I could do something to make any of it better for you darling. If you want someone to listen while you vent, or actually talk to feel free to reach out. Always willing to help out where I can. In the meantime I'll send positivity, gigantic warm and fuzzy bear hugs, and all the love I can muster. Xoxo

 

[death137]

I'm sorry you hate your appearance. I'm also 23 and ugly (deformed). Plus I'm short so I'm in deep trouble. I don't have any talent. I've nothing to offer to this world. Its all meaningless suffering so I'm planning to ctb. I wish you the best whether in life or suicide.

 

[adam&eve]

I'm sorry you hate your appearance. I'm also 23 and ugly (deformed). Plus I'm short so I'm in deep trouble. I don't have any talent. I've nothing to offer to this world. Its all meaningless suffering so I'm planning to ctb. I wish you the best whether in life or suicide.

I'm sure you have talent. Just your existence can make someone happy... because of your personality.

 

[death137]

I'm sure you have talent. Just your existence can make someone happy... because of your personality.

Thank you for the positivity but I don't think making someone happy is a talent. People irl have said I've good personally but it doesn't matter much when you are short and ugly. I don't feel safe going outside because of how ppl like me are viewed by society. It makes life hard to enjoy.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

That's definitely not true. I was 25 when I got into my first relationship, lost my virginity and all that. And I have plenty of friends that will tell you a similar story. You're a young woman in her prime!

I also don't think your skin, hair and eye color really matters. People have their preferences. I myself prefer a pair of deep, dark eyes you can really lose yourself in. I don't know if there's anything I can say to make you feel better about your appearance, but I can tell you that facial and body features are far from everything when it comes to physical attractiveness. Posture, body language, style, clothing, smell, the way you talk, move, react, and express yourself are also large parts of it. And I'm positive that when summed up, you're more attactive than you think you are - because our perception of how others see us usually doesn't line up with reality. The brain tells us it's the truth, but it's really just a thought.

We may have an idea of "conventional beauty", but it takes the right person to not idealize you as a concept, but actually appreciate you the way you deserve. And that's the kind of relationship you want.

Awesome response!

Being black doesn't automatically mean being ugly.
I think it is true that society values the looks of a person too much, but it is not true that ugly people don't get into relationships. A somewhat friend of mine is extremely ugly. At the age of 22 he was halfway bald already. Pig nose, tiny eyes, huge chin, hamster cheeks and slightly crooked teeth. One of the most ugly people I have ever seen and I feel bad for thinking like that. But he found a girlfriend and they have been a couple for 2-3 years now, he found someone he is happy with and I am happy for him.

It's not too late to meet someone with 23 years :) I've never been in a relationship at the age of 25, but now I might go on a date with a guy after the lockdown. To be fair we are both kinda ugly lol, but I asked him out because I like his personality and he said yes so apparently he doesn't mind my looks too much either.

Maybe you could give dating apps etc. a try. You can go out with guys and will see that others don't perceive you as ugly as you think you are.


This doesn't mean anything. I was always bullied for being dumb but I am now doing my Master's at university. Don't care about what others say!

did someone say that being black means being ugly?

Your feelings are valid as appearances play a vital role in our lives. I am also a black woman around your age. I've been on both sides. I was once considered very attractive and treated badly. Now I'm considered unattractive and treated badly. There are some genuine individuals who truly don't care about appearances. Your self image can be skewed by many things including societal standards that usually exclude women like us. We are our own worst critics.

love this!

Yeah people usually don't understand how important being handsome or pretty is when they've not experienced being ugly.

Even in this thread I see some people who are almost invalidating stuff. Say to a homeless person that money doesn't matter, please.

The simple fact that I was an ugly teenager makes me feel I shouldn't have been born.



That's well-intentioned, but saying banalities isn't going to help anyone, especially not OP.



I couldn't have put it better myself. Thanks.

Now I didn't find the treatment for DM Phobia, I only know it ruined my life and I try to emphasise with you, OP.
Even if you have it, it doesn't mean that people consider you ugly, though.

That's well-intentioned, but saying banalities isn't going to help anyone, especially not OP.

Maybe @Tragedy thinks all black women are beautiful. How is that a banality?

 

[adam&eve]

Thank you for the positivity but I don't think making someone happy is a talent. People irl have said I've good personally but it doesn't matter much when you are short and ugly. I don't feel safe going outside because of how ppl like me are viewed by society. It makes life hard to enjoy.

Well it is indeed a talent if you can make someone happy, that means you're a cool person and that you have a certain charisma around you so this is not something to take for granted. If you don't mind me asking, you think you are deformed because ugly or have a real condition? Try checking out https://m.facebook.com/ChangingFacesUK/ and also .

But I feel you. I myself was an ugly teenager and I was disgusted by myself, I to this day hate myself although when I grew up I was able to slightly feel how it was to be like on the other side, when men approach you "in awe" because my body changed (but I am still nothing special) but no one can f***ing say to me that there isn't a difference being ugly and being kinda accepting to society. I felt a huuge difference. I still think I'm ugly, though but it's kind of a situation that @k75 is going through...so I understand very much what people are going through here, including me.

 

[Symbiote]

Social media always shows the best qualities of that person on that day, doesn't show the hardships or the ugly tears of pressure.

On a bad day, I look like Sid from Ice Age, on a good day, I still look like Sid from Ice Age. At the end of the day, I'm still Symbiote.

 

[adam&eve]

You look cute then! Beware that someone doesn't kindnapp you then just to cuddle with you!!!

 

[woknows]

I know people have it worse .

I hate my appearance so much. I dont want my picture taken and it turns in to massive argument when my mum or family wants to take my photo . i hate it when people complement me saying " i am pretty "

I dont like seeing my reflection

I am a black woman, I have black hair and brown eyes. Very dull features.

I hate looking in the mirror and wish i had another face.

Sometimes i wish had had a blonde hair and blue eyes because i will look for more interesting and men will want to date me.

I am 23 and it is too late for me to meet someone. Everyone has their first boyfriend in their teens . I was always builled for how i look at school.

I am ugly people dont see what i see.

I am a nice person but it is not enough in this world. My Grandmother says i need to wear more Make up and men will want me.
I dont mind wearing make up but i need a style that suits me.

We live in a world where beauty is absolutely everything.
I cant compete in this world.

If i was attractive my life would be a lot easier i would have a boyfriend and i would belong in society.

Black women are attractive. Personally, I like dark hair best. Dark eyes are great too. I cannot say anything about your features. But I doubt it is as bad as you think. As for age, you are still young. I am just not sure you will let anyone approach you. Men need encouragement too.

 

[Nexuno]

We need more humanity and less fake social media stuff. Really. Sending hugs to all of you.

 

[Readytoenditall]

I know people have it worse .

I hate my appearance so much. I dont want my picture taken and it turns in to massive argument when my mum or family wants to take my photo . i hate it when people complement me saying " i am pretty "

I dont like seeing my reflection

I am a black woman, I have black hair and brown eyes. Very dull features.

I hate looking in the mirror and wish i had another face.

Sometimes i wish had had a blonde hair and blue eyes because i will look for more interesting and men will want to date me.

I am 23 and it is too late for me to meet someone. Everyone has their first boyfriend in their teens . I was always builled for how i look at school.

I am ugly people dont see what i see.

I am a nice person but it is not enough in this world. My Grandmother says i need to wear more Make up and men will want me.
I dont mind wearing make up but i need a style that suits me.

We live in a world where beauty is absolutely everything.
I cant compete in this world.

If i was attractive my life would be a lot easier i would have a boyfriend and i would belong in society.

Ok ik Idk what you look like but by the way you described you don't sound ugly at all and I think your putting too much weight into men finding you attractive. But besides the point, it's very normal for people to not have dated by the age of 23????? That's still insanely young and Ik people close to 30 who's never been on a date who objectively aren't ugly at all(it was their personality for all of them). The main contributor to dating is really putting yourself out there and flirting not as much on your looks as you'd think. And guys are better at hiding their attraction than you'd think but when they see your interested they usually hop on it. I didn't date for a while and always thought it was because of my looks, but after I got my first boyfriend I realized that wasn't the case. All my insecurities other women had as well. The saggy tits, stretch marks, stubble, and the rolls are normal and when you have sex your partner won't notice any of it like you'd think they do. People always love confidence, not arrogance but being unashamed and not constantly focusing on insecurities. It's actually surprised me because I've always used confidence as a defense to hide insecurities but every guy I've been with has told me he loved that about me and I actually became genuinely confident from it. And they weren't like submissive guys(well one of them was lol) but they were very dominant men who found confidence attractive.

 

[UterEntonaur]

I am a nice person

So.... you are beautiful then....

i hate it when people complement me saying " i am pretty "

....but you just don't see it?

 

[death137]

Well it is indeed a talent if you can make someone happy, that means you're a cool person and that you have a certain charisma around you so this is not something to take for granted. If you don't mind me asking, you think you are deformed because ugly or have a real condition? Try checking out https://m.facebook.com/ChangingFacesUK/ and also .

But I feel you. I myself was an ugly teenager and I was disgusted by myself, I to this day hate myself although when I grew up I was able to slightly feel how it was to be like on the other side, when men approach you "in awe" because my body changed (but I am still nothing special) but no one can f***ing say to me that there isn't a difference being ugly and being kinda accepting to society. I felt a huuge difference. I still think I'm ugly, though but it's kind of a situation that @k75 is going through...so I understand very much what people are going through here, including me.

I've a real condition. My skull is deformed and it seems to have affected all my facial structure. None of my family or relatives look disgusted like me. I'm also short and have low metabolism so I'm just a genetic mess.

Thanks for the link but I'm at peace with my situation because I'm planning to ctb soon so I don't need it. Also thanks for the video it was brave of them to speak in a public video.

I'm happy that you feel a little better about yourself now than in the past although you still feel ugly. Your personality seems great so overall I think you are ok. In one of your comment you said "It's not about finding a job or love, but about being trapped in something you alone find repulsive and disgusting and that doesn't fit your chriteria or the beauty standards (or both in most cases)." My feeling is also this. I wish you good, friend.

 

[Amumu]

You're horribly wrong on this, sorry.

I was being sarcastic, you probably know that.

Maybe @Tragedy thinks all black women are beautiful. How is that a banality?

Maybe he thinks that, but maybe he wanted to flatter for no reason and I'm not sure that's what she wants.

We need more humanity and less fake social media stuff. Really. Sending hugs to all of you.

View attachment 56308

Even with less fake social media stuff, human beings remain animals. And animals don't like ugliness. Hugs.

 

[adam&eve]

I've a real condition. My skull is deformed and it seems to have affected all my facial structure. None of my family or relatives look disgusted like me. I'm also short and have low metabolism so I'm just a genetic mess.

Thanks for the link but I'm at peace with my situation because I'm planning to ctb soon so I don't need it. Also thanks for the video it was brave of them to speak in a public video.

I'm happy that you feel a little better about yourself now than in the past although you still feel ugly. Your personality seems great so overall I think you are ok. In one of your comment you said "It's not about finding a job or love, but about being trapped in something you alone find repulsive and disgusting and that doesn't fit your chriteria or the beauty standards (or both in most cases)." My feeling is also this. I wish you good, friend.

I don't find those deformed people in the video repulsive, though.
I think people are harder on themselves really.
I know what you're feeling though.
I am sorry to hear there is no other way but to CTB. Those people in the video are really funny and sympa.
I don't feel a bit better as you think just because the response of other people has changed over time...I am just being honest and saying it does make a diffrence for sure, but look at those brave people from the video - they still are strong and live and manage. That being said, I hate the unfairness of life, and the fact that if there is a God he deals suffering to people. It's like he doesn't even give them a chance at all. I am so sorry you suffer. You can find strenghth in people that go through simmilar things as you do and that are still alive. I am sure you have things in life that you enjoy, it is just a matter of finding good friends and forgetting pains.

 

[Amumu]

We'll suppose that is the case. What would you say is the ratio of attractive to unattractive? With that would you argue that there isn't at least one unattractive person who is happy? Just so we understand each other, your original claim was that being attractive is necessary for a happy life.

Being attractive is necessary for a happy life for most people. Period.
I've added "for most people", will you forgive me ?
Jeez can't you see that with all the people talking about that in this thread?

Sometimes people dig their heads in the sand in order to avoid the truth, it's amazing.

 

[Mercury6737]

Jeez can't you see that with all the people talking about that in this thread?

What? There aren't even 50 unique posters in this thread (on a forum that has many members with a pessimistic mindset), some of whom don't even agree with you. Why do I even bother lol?

 

[lonerclown666]

Sadly in this corrupt world looks affect every aspect of life its like if you are normal or ugly you shouldnt able to have emotions

 

[Canon1]

I understand you. What is your body like?