I think its untrue many people age very badly particularly white Caucasian. However some can look more or less the same trump is a good example of this.
adam&eve
Student
- Dec 16, 2020
- 191
But when u loose that good looks because of age usually everyone around you your age looks old, so it doesn't matter anymore...
What you say is true but people who were beautiful to begin with have to deal with the sense of faded beauty. That is something ppl who never had good looks will have to deal with. There actually are some people in the world with bad looks who eventually found ways to cope with it and are very jovial and there are also a lot who lose good looks who will be pissed/cynical.
adam&eve
Student
- Dec 16, 2020
- 191
Well, better to cope with faded beauty in your old days than with ugliness the whole of your life...
Nexuno
Specialist
- Dec 9, 2020
- 301
So what? I never been "ugly", yet my life has never been "a lot easier" and I never "belonged to society". On the other hand I've seen many "ugly" friends find their way into life, being successful, and happy, etc. Being a "doll" means absolutely nothing, maybe just "something" when you are in your teenage years, but believe me: you're just a doll and nothing more if you have no other qualities. And if you are really beautiful it could happen that you are seen as a doll and nothing more EVEN if you have other qualities.
adam&eve
Student
- Dec 16, 2020
- 191
Well it's better to be a pretty social outcast than an ugly one ;)
Amumu
Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
- Aug 29, 2020
- 2,624
This. What people don't understand is that being good-looking when you're a teenager and a young adult is paramount.
Yes, of course, it is no guarantee that you'll have a happy life but it is necessary.
Personally I still find that there are good-looking people until 60 tbh.
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Nexuno
Specialist
- Dec 9, 2020
- 301
being a good looking outcast can be worst because you have feelings around if only you weren't such an autist/weird you might actually be able to do well. For example look at that GUY ER the one who shot up the university in 2014 in california - the guy was kind of a qt but he was too much of an autist/mentally ill to get laid. Someone who had bad looks will just be totally screwed. Sometimes i think being real far down in the dirt makes it easier to come than someone who could conceivably be happy but is just too weird
Nexuno
Specialist
- Dec 9, 2020
- 301
You don't need to be necessarily mentally ill/retarded to fail. My point is that beauty means literally nothing, in any case (unless you want to be a top model).
Amumu
Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
- Aug 29, 2020
- 2,624
Try to emphasise with OP. Just try. See my previous analogy btw.
I emphasise with people who are good-looking.
I've said many times that good-looking people can receive unwanted attention, suffer from jealousy, and eventually be rejected.
Now please try to emphasise with people who have already been considered ugly.
I'm fed up that people are invalidating other people's suicidal thoughts.
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adam&eve
Student
- Dec 16, 2020
- 191
But you could have a good personality and think also "If just I weren't ugly I would get further in life..."
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
Don't be so hard on yourself, I bet you have a beautiful soul and that's what it matters. Remember Macy Grey, everyone used to make fun of her looks. In my opinion she is one of the best looking woman in my eyes, same as Whoopi Goldberg. It's al about confidence. It might be low at the moment, but maybe if you work that part.... hope I helped a bit. Hugs Beautiful.
adam&eve
Student
- Dec 16, 2020
- 191
Nexuno
Specialist
- Dec 9, 2020
- 301
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
Nexuno
Specialist
- Dec 9, 2020
- 301
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Try to treat you nice if you can. I will not say you will find someone or someone will like you one day because it may not happen in your real life. I always think "Life is unfair and human nature is evil".
Nymph
he/him
- Jul 15, 2020
- 2,565
This is just not realistic, I know most ppl don't want to hear it but beauty does matter. It's the first thing someone sees when they meet you, looks matter. When you go to school, go to work, wanna get a job or something, at least here in Europe you have to put a photo on your CV.
Also ppl here saying that someone's beautiful even though they have never seen them, cmon dude. I know someone's personality can be beautiful but that's not what this post is about. But some ppl are for real ugly and they do have it harder in life (like me:/) ofc you can be pretty and still have a tough life-obviously. But I do think you have a better chance in some aspects of life
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Nexuno
Specialist
- Dec 9, 2020
- 301
adam&eve
Student
- Dec 16, 2020
- 191
But then you can't understand when someone wants to CBT due to not feeling beautiful enough. :)
Or Instagram bounty?
Nexuno
Specialist
- Dec 9, 2020
- 301
I'm too old to know what "instagram bounty" is. I know Marilyn Monroe though... Princess Diana...
Oh, no. I don't like instagram, I think it's an empty space for empty brains. I really don't like the ostentation of the outward appearance. ^_^
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k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
Obviously, I have no idea if you're attractive or not, but I'd bet real money that you are not nearly as unattractive as you think you are. Few people are. I don't usually like throwing around terms like this, but it's a real cognitive distortion that many people suffer from. I definitely do.
But think about it. How many people do you see when you go out in public that really repulse you, based on looks? Do you think everyone around you is ugly and unlovable? I know I don't. At best, most people are just average to me, but that just means they don't have any qualities that immediately catch my eye. But I bet a majority of them think very poorly of themselves, too.
I totally get not wanting to have pictures taken and things like that. My family has almost no pictures of of me because I've always dodged them. But what about this? If you are so ugly, why would anyone want a picture or video or something to remember you by? Do you see ugly people and want their pictures to look back on?
You even said people don't see what you see. What if that means you don't look as bad as you feel? Maybe you're attractive to them? Compliments are hard to take if you don't believe them, but it's not really common to tell someone they're pretty if you don't think so. Maybe if they felt they had to, but if they volunteer it, it's probably at least somewhat true.
I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, because it is a fact that you feel awful. But that's how these distortions work. Just because you think it doesn't make it true. The hardest part is figuring out what to do with that.
Some of the most beautiful girls I've ever met thought they were ugly. But when I met them, I was so jealous I didn't look like them. It's so funny how that works. (By the way, I think blue eyes and blonde hair is pretty boring. Be unique! You can do that now.)
Based on my own experience, though, I don't think you'd feel much better if you looked a different way or whatever. It's easy to be jealous and think things like, 'if I were prettier, life wouldn't suck... if I had sex, things would be awesome... a relationship would fix everything!" But the truth is, none of that probably will. Even when I have those things, I'm just as sad and empty and depressed, and I still want to die. Maybe they even make me feel worse, because I get horrible guilt at having things other people want but not enjoying them. I often wish I could gift other people parts of my life, because it's wasted on me.
I can get things I lust after, and I feel just as bad or worse despite them. I'm not just saying stuff. When there's a hole inside you, you tell yourself all these other things will fill it, but nothing ever does. And a lot of things people think will fix them can create more problems. It's the same for material things. When I feel the worst, I tend to buy tons of stuff, hoping it'll make me feel better. I get things I've wanted for years, and then it's just... pointless. I feel bad again after getting them, and it's so disappointing. I'm always chasing the next thing, hoping that'll be the thing to make me happy. It's hard to find the resources to maintain anything for long if you're struggling with yourself too.
But think about it. How many people do you see when you go out in public that really repulse you, based on looks? Do you think everyone around you is ugly and unlovable? I know I don't. At best, most people are just average to me, but that just means they don't have any qualities that immediately catch my eye. But I bet a majority of them think very poorly of themselves, too.
I totally get not wanting to have pictures taken and things like that. My family has almost no pictures of of me because I've always dodged them. But what about this? If you are so ugly, why would anyone want a picture or video or something to remember you by? Do you see ugly people and want their pictures to look back on?
You even said people don't see what you see. What if that means you don't look as bad as you feel? Maybe you're attractive to them? Compliments are hard to take if you don't believe them, but it's not really common to tell someone they're pretty if you don't think so. Maybe if they felt they had to, but if they volunteer it, it's probably at least somewhat true.
I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, because it is a fact that you feel awful. But that's how these distortions work. Just because you think it doesn't make it true. The hardest part is figuring out what to do with that.
Some of the most beautiful girls I've ever met thought they were ugly. But when I met them, I was so jealous I didn't look like them. It's so funny how that works. (By the way, I think blue eyes and blonde hair is pretty boring. Be unique! You can do that now.)
Based on my own experience, though, I don't think you'd feel much better if you looked a different way or whatever. It's easy to be jealous and think things like, 'if I were prettier, life wouldn't suck... if I had sex, things would be awesome... a relationship would fix everything!" But the truth is, none of that probably will. Even when I have those things, I'm just as sad and empty and depressed, and I still want to die. Maybe they even make me feel worse, because I get horrible guilt at having things other people want but not enjoying them. I often wish I could gift other people parts of my life, because it's wasted on me.
I can get things I lust after, and I feel just as bad or worse despite them. I'm not just saying stuff. When there's a hole inside you, you tell yourself all these other things will fill it, but nothing ever does. And a lot of things people think will fix them can create more problems. It's the same for material things. When I feel the worst, I tend to buy tons of stuff, hoping it'll make me feel better. I get things I've wanted for years, and then it's just... pointless. I feel bad again after getting them, and it's so disappointing. I'm always chasing the next thing, hoping that'll be the thing to make me happy. It's hard to find the resources to maintain anything for long if you're struggling with yourself too.
Lady black
35 male, central Europe, German speaking
- Oct 22, 2018
- 1,192
I don't think you are really ugly, maybe you think so cause others bullied you
Antigonish
Mage
- Sep 19, 2020
- 593
I am 24. I am black, and am male. I am also ugly. At least to myself. Sometimes people tell me things like I'm cute, pretty, beautiful, handsome, etc. But I dont see it. They even call me conceited when I tell them I'm ugly. People will look at me seductively sometimes, or show interest/attraction based shallowly off my looks, i know this because they never speak or have spoken to me. All they ever really do is look, and I judge them because I know I am ugly. The way i look fuels my need to CTB. My body image and self esteem are sensitive subjects to me. I only weigh roughly 120lbs and I hate being called skinny. Or frowned upon because I am so small. It makes life so much tougher when nowadays people are taking vitamins to gain weight. I mean usef to be happy with my size and weight, I used to feel like i was proportionately average. Sometimes I dream of taking a razor blade to my face, so people can see what I see when I look in the mirror. I dont like crowded public places, because I become hyper aware of people's gazes. Life sucks severely.
Teal_Blue_Dreams
Arcanist
- Sep 15, 2020
- 401
black is beautiful! i understand the whole thinking you are ugly thing tho. i think that if you are good looking you probably know it deep down bc of how you are treated.
love this.
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I am very ugly and I know how much it hurts and how much it sucks.
I know it doesn't help much but just to let you know you are not alone in this struggle.
Its hard but people on here do understand.
I know it doesn't help much but just to let you know you are not alone in this struggle.
Its hard but people on here do understand.
Teal_Blue_Dreams
Arcanist
- Sep 15, 2020
- 401
What's funny is we are all probably extremely hot. lol
fixitinpost
Arriving Somewhere But Not Here
- Oct 20, 2020
- 161
That's definitely not true. I was 25 when I got into my first relationship, lost my virginity and all that. And I have plenty of friends that will tell you a similar story. You're a young woman in her prime!
I also don't think your skin, hair and eye color really matters. People have their preferences. I myself prefer a pair of deep, dark eyes you can really lose yourself in. I don't know if there's anything I can say to make you feel better about your appearance, but I can tell you that facial and body features are far from everything when it comes to physical attractiveness. Posture, body language, style, clothing, smell, the way you talk, move, react, and express yourself are also large parts of it. And I'm positive that when summed up, you're more attactive than you think you are - because our perception of how others see us usually doesn't line up with reality. The brain tells us it's the truth, but it's really just a thought.
We may have an idea of "conventional beauty", but it takes the right person to not idealize you as a concept, but actually appreciate you the way you deserve. And that's the kind of relationship you want.
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