Venting I am frustrated as fuck!

[worldexploder]

I had a discussion with my aunt this morning about a backup plan incase Dignitas doesn't work. She seemed more open to the idea when we talked about it on the phone yesterday.

She made it clear today that she is NOT willing to help me get nitrogen or a gun. "Out of question out of the question". She said "At least with Dignitas there would be people around who knows what they are doing".

She keeps asserting that a gun or nitrogen could "fail and leave me mangled". Well that's not untrue.

My point - what about the dangers of living! Have any idea how many people are mangled in car wrecks and other accidents each year? You think I'll be safe as long as I keep on fucking trucking? Safety is an illusion. Safety doesn't exist". I NEED to die! It's more than just a want.

If you KNOW what you're doing, these methods are pretty failsafe! There is always a risk of failure but failure is the end result of life anyway.

Then she said "plus its would be horrifying to take you to a gun shop knowing what you would do". I said "oh so helping to extinguish my suffering in the way I want horrifies you. That's it huh"?

Then she pulls out the "you need help" card! I got really pissed. I said "DONT EVER USE THOSE 3 WORDS AROUND ME AGAIN. ID RATHER YOU HIT ME ACROSS THE FACE WITH A PEICE OF REBAR. YOU KNOW MY SUFFERING YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THOUGH".

These arguments are not new. We been arguing about this shit for years.

She's far more lenient than most but she is still apart of the hivemind. She lets culture and her own biases determine what reality is.

I feel sick to my stomach. Maybe I was stupid for even thinking I could sway her into helping me get a gun or the tank. I guess maybe since she agreed to Dignitas I thought she was becoming more open minded about things.

 

[Threads]

=]

 

[Limbo]

Anything can fail. The point is to reduce that failure to a tiny tiny percentage. Being of a healthy state of mind is very important, especially when using more complicated methods like nitrogen.

 

[worldexploder]

Anything can fail. The point is to reduce that failure to a tiny tiny percentage. Being of a healthy state of mind is very important, especially when using more complicated methods like nitrogen.

I agree 100%. I wouldn't even do it without researching the complex processes behind it and followiing every instruction step by step. I would really take my time on this.

I know it's far more complicated than just tying a bag around your head and turning the tank on. Maybe my aunt thinks I'm stupid.

 

[Limbo]

I agree 100%. I wouldn't even do it without researching the complex processes behind it and followiing every instruction step by step. I would really take my time on this.

I know it's far more complicated than just tying a bag around your head and turning the tank on. Maybe my aunt thinks I'm stupid.

Its not that much more complicated, you just need to mitigate error. Using a solid hose, a good quality tank, a strong bag. Thats all you need. Trial and error will ensure you have the proper gas pressure running but you need to be calm and collected.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

My first thought is that she doesn't want to be complicit in your death. Through Dignitas she may feel like it's somewhat sanctioned, whereas going any other route may implicate her morally or legally.

 

[Virgo]

You shouldn't be involving your Aunt in your death...

 

[worldexploder]

You shouldn't be involving your Aunt in your death...

Maybe your right. My hands are tied when it comes to getting other supplies. I can't obtain things on my own like most adults can due to my financial situation.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about the arguments that you had with your aunt for many years. I have similar things whenever the topic of death/assisted suicide comes up and nowadays, I just don't talk about these things with people IRL (since I know how it is almost always going to end up - agreeing to disagree and everyone's mood is worse off).

As far as your methods, I don't know if this route might work, and I'm sorry if this was something that you have tried already, but would there be any possibility (even in the short term) for you to convince your aunt that you are going to enjoy shooting as a hobby and sport? This way, it's not saying that you will use it for suicide (at least not directly) but for something else. The idea is to have the tool at your disposal so you can check out anytime in the future.

In regards to the nitrogen tank, I can't really say much as I don't know how to acquire one myself either (others on here might though).

 

[BellaKAT]

Please be careful involving your aunt, she could be arrested and charged as being complicit after you die if she has any part of it.

 

[Goldie]

I couldnt agree more re involving somebody else. She could report you for trying and you could end up in a hospital where you would find it a lot more difficult to do it. Or she could be arrested as others have said,

 

[worldexploder]

I apologized to my aunt. Everyone is right. I shouldn't use her to get what I want like this. I guess I'm just desperate. I'll find my own way out. I don't want anyone to get into trouble. I love my aunt and would hate to see her get locked up because I want to CTB.