i just found out today that my mother lied about the abuse allegations made about my father when i was a toddler. i remember the memory so well. her calling the police, the police coming inside the house and taking my dad outside. i once took some type of drug (still dont know til this day what it was, i was spiked so if anyone has any idea what kind of drug alters your perception into thinking you're playing a pov as a sims 4 character with floating dialogue bubbles around a stranger's face, let me know) i went spiralling and i was transported back into my 4 year old body, watching the whole memory unfold.
i have so much trauma but no one knows.
now that im an adult, my mother absolutely despises me. she hates me because she thinks im evil. she really believes that - quite literally. she says i have evil within me. that she regrets having a child with my father because of who i am now.
she lied about everything. every single thing and i always looked at her as a victim. i protected her when she emotionally and verbally abused my father to extreme lengths. but it turns out it was my father who was the victim. he was the one who needed support, protection.
he has cancer for a year now which they both hid from me until I found out myself a few months ago where i found a leaflet about cancer which my dad forgot to hide on the table. very rocky film-esque, i know.
she has no sympathy for him even though he is sick. he has to stop working because he is sick. we're losing money. and my mother blames it all on him.
she's leaving us now. she says she wont ever see us again and although she is so heart stabbingly vile, i'm still distraught because she's my mother. she was everything to me. and now she's screaming, calling me and my dad worthless, pathetic, assholes, cunts, etc. says that we brought suffering in her life. and i don't know what to do. ive alwways tried so hard to help them both. ive tried so hard to ease their suffering and burdens by being there for them. but now i feel like all of this is my fault and all i want right now is to die.
i've not done anything to help. my heart hurts for the both of them.
i have so much trauma but no one knows.
now that im an adult, my mother absolutely despises me. she hates me because she thinks im evil. she really believes that - quite literally. she says i have evil within me. that she regrets having a child with my father because of who i am now.
she lied about everything. every single thing and i always looked at her as a victim. i protected her when she emotionally and verbally abused my father to extreme lengths. but it turns out it was my father who was the victim. he was the one who needed support, protection.
he has cancer for a year now which they both hid from me until I found out myself a few months ago where i found a leaflet about cancer which my dad forgot to hide on the table. very rocky film-esque, i know.
she has no sympathy for him even though he is sick. he has to stop working because he is sick. we're losing money. and my mother blames it all on him.
she's leaving us now. she says she wont ever see us again and although she is so heart stabbingly vile, i'm still distraught because she's my mother. she was everything to me. and now she's screaming, calling me and my dad worthless, pathetic, assholes, cunts, etc. says that we brought suffering in her life. and i don't know what to do. ive alwways tried so hard to help them both. ive tried so hard to ease their suffering and burdens by being there for them. but now i feel like all of this is my fault and all i want right now is to die.
i've not done anything to help. my heart hurts for the both of them.
