I am a zoophile

[yearsoflonliness]

Shit.

Well, here goes.

Yes, I am a zoophile. Yes, it's one of the reasons why I am going to kill myself. I love canines/dogs.

I do believe it's a real sexual orientation. A really fucking rare and unlucky one to have. If I could just be 'normal' I'd prefer that ofc. It's something I've struggled with for years now. You guys are free to ask me anything about it, or about myself. But this post is not really about that. I have a question.

Is that something I should tell my mom before I CTB?

On the one hand, if I omit that information, she'll be fucking sad as hell. But she'll have a relatively positive view on me. I won't be remembered as a sick fuck.

On the other hand, maybe if I talk with her and 'come out' before, she won't feel so bad about my death. Maybe she'll be glad I'm dead. Or, she'll be more understanding about why I've killed myself. That might help her get over me faster.

I know if I talked to her about it I'll be bawling my eyes out. My worst fear is she'll not hate me and want to 'help' me. But I don't want help, I want to die. You have no idea how hard it is to be a zoophile. You have to live a double life, filled with secrecy. You know that everyone hates you, you have such a terrible secret and you can't talk to anyone. It's incredibly lonely.

I want to add that from the outside I am a seemingly normal person. I have no criminal record. I've never even been pulled over by the police before. Never done drugs or anything like that. I don't drink. I've never been abused sexually nor have I abused anyone else. I'm quite a loner actually.

What do you think? Should I tell her? Or take it to the grave?

 

[Wolf-Alice]

Better not to. Revealing this doesn't seem like it would benefit you in any way whether you succeed or survive.
I have no understanding of what you're going through, but this doesn't seem like a perversion you can't recover from, therefore I don't think it should be a reason to ctb. There have been people before you that can let go of this.

 

[AnonymousL]

Don't tell her.

She will grief either way.

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

When furries be taking shit too far...

 

[AnonymousL]

When furries be taking shit too far...

ur not really helpful.
Better not to say anything then.

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

ur not really helpful.
Better not to say anything then.

You don't think wanting to have sex with dogs is taking it too far? Wow.
I think it is, and it's a forum, so I'm entitled to my opinion.
I'm not going to pretend there's a place in society for animal abuse just to spare someone's feelings. It's wrong.

 

[weakandscared]

Shit.

Well, here goes.

Yes, I am a zoophile. Yes, it's one of the reasons why I am going to kill myself. I love canines/dogs.

I do believe it's a real sexual orientation. A really fucking rare and unlucky one to have. If I could just be 'normal' I'd prefer that ofc. It's something I've struggled with for years now. You guys are free to ask me anything about it, or about myself. But this post is not really about that. I have a question.

Is that something I should tell my mom before I CTB?

On the one hand, if I omit that information, she'll be fucking sad as hell. But she'll have a relatively positive view on me. I won't be remembered as a sick fuck.

On the other hand, maybe if I talk with her and 'come out' before, she won't feel so bad about my death. Maybe she'll be glad I'm dead. Or, she'll be more understanding about why I've killed myself. That might help her get over me faster.

I know if I talked to her about it I'll be bawling my eyes out. My worst fear is she'll not hate me and want to 'help' me. But I don't want help, I want to die. You have no idea how hard it is to be a zoophile. You have to live a double life, filled with secrecy. You know that everyone hates you, you have such a terrible secret and you can't talk to anyone. It's incredibly lonely.

I want to add that from the outside I am a seemingly normal person. I have no criminal record. I've never even been pulled over by the police before. Never done drugs or anything like that. I don't drink. I've never been abused sexually nor have I abused anyone else. I'm quite a loner actually.

What do you think? Should I tell her? Or take it to the grave?

you could write about it in the note

 

[AnonymousL]

You don't think wanting to have sex with dogs is taking it too far? Wow.
I think it is, and it's a forum, so I'm entitled to my opinion.
I'm not going to pretend there's a place in society for animal abuse just to spare someone's feelings. It's wrong.

Obviously I think its too far?
Obviously I hope they didn't do any actions with these thoughts.

But this person sees that its wrong.
They hate themselves so much they want to kill themselves for this reason.

They're asking for advice.
And if u don''t have any helpful advice to give its better to be quiet.

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

Obviously I think its too far?
Obviously I hope they didn't do any actions with these thoughts.

But this person sees that its wrong.
They hate themselves so much they want to kill themselves for this reason.

They're asking for advice.
And if u don''t have any helpful advice to give its better to be quiet.

Doesn't really seem so obvious when you're sympathising with it tbh.

 

[diversifi]

Shit.

Well, here goes.

Yes, I am a zoophile. Yes, it's one of the reasons why I am going to kill myself. I love canines/dogs.

I do believe it's a real sexual orientation. A really fucking rare and unlucky one to have. If I could just be 'normal' I'd prefer that ofc. It's something I've struggled with for years now. You guys are free to ask me anything about it, or about myself. But this post is not really about that. I have a question.

Is that something I should tell my mom before I CTB?

On the one hand, if I omit that information, she'll be fucking sad as hell. But she'll have a relatively positive view on me. I won't be remembered as a sick fuck.

On the other hand, maybe if I talk with her and 'come out' before, she won't feel so bad about my death. Maybe she'll be glad I'm dead. Or, she'll be more understanding about why I've killed myself. That might help her get over me faster.

I know if I talked to her about it I'll be bawling my eyes out. My worst fear is she'll not hate me and want to 'help' me. But I don't want help, I want to die. You have no idea how hard it is to be a zoophile. You have to live a double life, filled with secrecy. You know that everyone hates you, you have such a terrible secret and you can't talk to anyone. It's incredibly lonely.

I want to add that from the outside I am a seemingly normal person. I have no criminal record. I've never even been pulled over by the police before. Never done drugs or anything like that. I don't drink. I've never been abused sexually nor have I abused anyone else. I'm quite a loner actually.

What do you think? Should I tell her? Or take it to the grave?

You probably shouldn't tell her

 

[AnonymousL]

Doesn't really seem so obvious when you're sympathising with it tbh.

I am giving advice just like they asked.
Nothing more

 

[xinino]

you are at least attract to something real, I am attracted to fucking girl's ghost who died decade ago, real sex and love is not satisfactory to me anymore.

 

[Ephemeron]

Sorry to hear that you're attracted to Fido. No idea how this kind of shit happens. As for advice, I guess that'd be what is considered a truth bomb, maybe? I wouldn't do it. If you have a good relationship with her, let your mom keep nice memories of you. Then again, maybe it'd be a good thing to let her know you felt this way. It's such a personal thing.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Tough issue, but dont tell her, it might only break her more. I give you my respect for knowing that it isnt ok and not to do anything with it. But isnt there any kinds of treatments for these kind of things?

 

[Agon321]

It's complicated.

I don't know if you should tell her.
Zoophilia is a very controversial issue, so I don't know how she might react.
We don't know your mother, so we can't say how your mother will behave.

If I were you, I'd probably keep this secret to myself.
But that's just my opinion and my perspective.
I just wouldn't want my mom to know things like that about me.
You have to decide for yourself.
Think through all the advantages and disadvantages.
Choose the decision that has fewer disadvantages.

I don't know if zoophilia is the reason for CTB.
From what you write, are you ashamed of it?
It means you don't want it, but it is stronger than you.
I have absolutely no idea if this can be cured or just stopped.
I have no idea what's going on in your head right now.
I am not pro-life or pro-death. I am pro-choice.
I love the magic of choice.
Do you really want CTB? Do you think there is no alternative for you? Can't you live with yourself? Have you exhausted all your options? Can't you stand suffering? Are you disgusted with yourself?
Answer these questions and make your decision.
No one here can or should make decisions for you.
I have no medical knowledge, so I cannot give a specific answer.

I don't want to criticize you because I am VERY far from a saint.
Personally, I don't like zoophiles, but that doesn't mean I'm going to insult you.
Good luck.

 

[xinino]

I believe you do not need to kill yourself for that reason, whether you act or not upon those feelings. I think you can still love them, but you can release sexual tension on something else, "not the real thing."

 

[softgirlluna]

I read a book recently about a family who's life was turned upside down because the teenage son was attracted to young girls. It ended with the mum helping him commit suicide because he didn't want to live like that. I guess it's a similar situation, but there are plenty of people with strange paraphilias that find ways to live with them that are within the law.

 

[arthurkuzechov]

Shit.

Well, here goes.

Yes, I am a zoophile. Yes, it's one of the reasons why I am going to kill myself. I love canines/dogs.

I do believe it's a real sexual orientation. A really fucking rare and unlucky one to have. If I could just be 'normal' I'd prefer that ofc. It's something I've struggled with for years now. You guys are free to ask me anything about it, or about myself. But this post is not really about that. I have a question.

Is that something I should tell my mom before I CTB?

On the one hand, if I omit that information, she'll be fucking sad as hell. But she'll have a relatively positive view on me. I won't be remembered as a sick fuck.

On the other hand, maybe if I talk with her and 'come out' before, she won't feel so bad about my death. Maybe she'll be glad I'm dead. Or, she'll be more understanding about why I've killed myself. That might help her get over me faster.

I know if I talked to her about it I'll be bawling my eyes out. My worst fear is she'll not hate me and want to 'help' me. But I don't want help, I want to die. You have no idea how hard it is to be a zoophile. You have to live a double life, filled with secrecy. You know that everyone hates you, you have such a terrible secret and you can't talk to anyone. It's incredibly lonely.

I want to add that from the outside I am a seemingly normal person. I have no criminal record. I've never even been pulled over by the police before. Never done drugs or anything like that. I don't drink. I've never been abused sexually nor have I abused anyone else. I'm quite a loner actually.

What do you think? Should I tell her? Or take it to the grave?

Hello there! You had really hard life… Emotionally of course. And I think that you shouldn't talk to her about that. Because if she will understand you and accept - you may feel guilty about that, I mean the thoughts that she is so good and you are so bad person, if she won't accept it it may hurt you very much. I had a grandma… She was my best friend, and I'm bisexual. And I was thinking about to tell her about my orientation but… She has a really good opinion about me, and she was really conservative person… So I did decide that the better way is not to tell her… Because if she couldn't accept me, it would be really painful for me - it was 6 years ago, and even then I wanted to die, and if it did hurt me I don't know what would become with me. I think your mom should remember you as she knows you right now. Send you much love
and I think you shouldn't kill yourself 'cause of that reason. Reason who you are. But, of course you have a better idea and feelings about that. If it make you suffer and makes you fell deep soul's pain so ctb is the right way, but if you wanna kil yourself just 'cause of the shame - so just don't do it.

 

[divinemistress36]

This is really something you should seek therapy for

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

this is a first so i can't say much... if anything at all. but thanks for your honesty. i wish you well no matter what.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Some things are best taken to the grave.

With that said; this is obviously a sensitive topic we got here and comments are welcome.
But remember that people come to sasu for all sort of reasons, and it's supposed to be a non judgmental space.

thread is being watched, please be respectful or don't comment if it's too much for you.

 

[dogbreath]

On the other hand, maybe if I talk with her and 'come out' before, she won't feel so bad about my death. Maybe she'll be glad I'm dead. Or, she'll be more understanding about why I've killed myself. That might help her get over me faster.

I know if I talked to her about it I'll be bawling my eyes out. My worst fear is she'll not hate me and want to 'help' me. But I don't want help, I want to die.

I mean if ur really gonna go thru with it, can't you just write like...a letter? So that way u don't have to tell her exactly, but she'll still know???? Or maybe record a video and send it to her?? That way she'll understand the motive?
I just think being honest is important,, personally for me I wouldn't want someone to miss me or love me without rlly understanding who I actually was

 

[Dot]

Slf agree tht therpy mght b a gd idea b4 rsortng t/ CTB

 

[Forever Sleep]

You don't think wanting to have sex with dogs is taking it too far? Wow.
I think it is, and it's a forum, so I'm entitled to my opinion.
I'm not going to pretend there's a place in society for animal abuse just to spare someone's feelings. It's wrong.

I'm not sure that the OP actually has committed abuse. They are eaten up by thoughts and feelings of wanting to. Of course it isn't a good thing to even think about but they've already said they'd rather not have these thoughts. Are all your thoughts kind and pure? It can be hard to control every thought we have. We can of course control our actions and hopefully, the OP has succeeded in doing that so far.

I do actually feel bad for people who have these desires. There was a member here I chatted with who openly confessed to having sadistic thoughts. He ended up killing himself because he was so afraid he would act on them. I don't think the OP or that other member is trying to normalise this. In fact, both of them seem wracked with guilt over having these thoughts.

As for whether you should tell your Mum OP, I'd say- yes- if you intend to keep living. You likely would need treatment and her support could be helpful. If you're sure about CTB though, I think probably not. It's not exactly something I think would comfort her. I'm sorry you are struggling with this.

 

[SVEN]

In your place, I wouldn't. Better she remembers you as she has always imagined you.

 

[rozeske]

Like others have already said i also don't think you should kill yourself over it. Am not sure if this is something that can be treated with therapy or some other thing. Am not sure if you have already tried to get help on how to get rid of it or live with it without a danger to yourself or the animals.

A lot of things am not sure about but am sure you are not the first human to have this (they already have named it) so don't feel like killing yourself over it is the only solution out there.

If you are going to go through with a ctb plan though, it's best to let your mom be left with her good memories. Grief and losing a loved one is hard enough but losing the good memories you have of them is worse.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Slf agree tht therpy mght b a gd idea b4 rsortng t/ CTB

I think the same, I think you may be able to get improvements if you seek therapy. Your life doesn't have to be this and it doesn't have to be the cause of your death. You haven't acted upon these desires, that's incredibly good, you may just need the help of a professional to control the rest.

 

[LunarLight]

First of all, I hope you've never taken action. Animals cannot consent.
I'm not a saint either, there are some things I'm gonna take to my grave and I hope people are never gonna discover, because my life would be even more fucked up than it's already.

I feel how much you suffer. Have you ever sought therapy? Try everything you can before CTBing. It's really a last resort solution.
And don't tell your mom. She's gonna feel even more guilty.

 

[recat]

Shit.

Well, here goes.

Yes, I am a zoophile. Yes, it's one of the reasons why I am going to kill myself. I love canines/dogs.

I do believe it's a real sexual orientation. A really fucking rare and unlucky one to have. If I could just be 'normal' I'd prefer that ofc. It's something I've struggled with for years now. You guys are free to ask me anything about it, or about myself. But this post is not really about that. I have a question.

Is that something I should tell my mom before I CTB?

On the one hand, if I omit that information, she'll be fucking sad as hell. But she'll have a relatively positive view on me. I won't be remembered as a sick fuck.

On the other hand, maybe if I talk with her and 'come out' before, she won't feel so bad about my death. Maybe she'll be glad I'm dead. Or, she'll be more understanding about why I've killed myself. That might help her get over me faster.

I know if I talked to her about it I'll be bawling my eyes out. My worst fear is she'll not hate me and want to 'help' me. But I don't want help, I want to die. You have no idea how hard it is to be a zoophile. You have to live a double life, filled with secrecy. You know that everyone hates you, you have such a terrible secret and you can't talk to anyone. It's incredibly lonely.

I want to add that from the outside I am a seemingly normal person. I have no criminal record. I've never even been pulled over by the police before. Never done drugs or anything like that. I don't drink. I've never been abused sexually nor have I abused anyone else. I'm quite a loner actually.

What do you think? Should I tell her? Or take it to the grave?

OP, if this is the only reason you want to CTB, you are really feeling far too guilty. I am not one to judge as I have had these thoughts myself, as long as an animal is not harmed, as is defined by the laws of my country, then who has the right to care? I can only hope this message reaches you and that you haven't CTB.

About your mother, you absolutely shouldn't tell her. It is for her own sake. Just like with my own mother, she doesn't know i'm gay, I don't tell her because I know she will be less stressed out not knowing, for her own sake.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

I had made a lengthy reply but a moderator deemed it inappropriate despite there being no listed rules on such topics.
I'll try my best to be very careful with my words to heed their instructions. I did want to answer some questions you guys have.

Yes, I currently have dogs.
Yes, I have done things with them and others.
Yes, I do hate myself for some of the things I've done.
I don't think therapy is the right solution, because I consider it a sexual orientation. I also can't afford therapy at the moment. And I won't be able to before I ctb so it doesn't matter.
No, this is not the only reason I want to ctb. It's for sure near the top of my list, but I have other reasons. I'll probably post about those other reasons later if I don't get banned.
My mom is kinda open minded and generally thinks good of people, but when she saw a bit about bestiality in a tv show, she commented on how it was disgusting. So she probably thinks along the same lines as you guys. As I currently have 2 dogs and have to live with her, telling her would immediately make things very, very, uncomfortable.

The consensus here seems to be to just take it with me to the grave. A lonely, misunderstood ending. But I can accept that. We all want to be accepted and validated. And admittedly, one of the reasons why I'd want to tell her is in the hopes that she'd be understanding. I have to be realistic. The response I got here proves it. I'll never be accepted.

I wish I could PM the moderator back. It seems that I don't have permissions. I don't know if that is intentional or if I haven't met the requirements yet.