Venting The thought of leaving behind your loved ones is so damn painful

[cupcakesandmilk]

I'm gonna break my mum's heart, fuck man. She deserves a way better child; why did it have to be me? She did nothing to deserve someone as messed up as me. I was thinking about finally catching the bus sometime in the future, but today she talked to me about how little I was years ago and told me now that I'm finally going to be old enough to earn by myself that we'll go on treats, trips, and all that; I feel so damn horrible thinking about that, knowing that she'll probably never get to experience those moments, all just because I can't be a normal, functioning human being. I hope that if I accidentally die, it is in one of the worst ways possible, because that's what I prolly deserve.

I just want out now; my only wish is that if there is some truth to reincarnation, I hope I get a chance to be her son or daughter again and hopefully not end up being this worthless fucking piece of trash that I am now.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I'm sorry to hear that, I can empathise with being powerless yet still chained to existence due to causing grief to loved ones in death. I hope that you find peace, no matter what happens.