How to push myself to the last step

[lkjhgfdsa1]

My method is secure
I will die if I step off the chair
But I cannot kick it
I want to die so badly
Why can I not do it? How can I overcome this SI? I am so desperate

The other day I tried to overcome it with my sleeping medications but it just made me weak… and I was taken over by my unconsciousness and SI. I need to be strong and do this with full consciousness, but it is so difficult.

Please give me advice
it just started raining
it's as if the world is crying with me
for me

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

I thought you were using SN?

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I thought you were using SN?

I have no time nor patience nor will to wait for SN

 

[Begotten]

To be honest i don't think we can give any advice on how to overcome SI and kick that chair, otherwise we wouldn't be here anymore
We all in the same boat xD

Anyways, hope you manage to do what is better for you.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

To be honest i don't think we can give any advice on how to overcome SI and kick that chair, otherwise we wouldn't be here anymore
We all in the same boat xD

Anyways, hope you manage to do what is better for you.

My best thing would be to die

 

[neverLoved]

Do you have mixed thoughts or is it just SI now? It's a very hard thing to overcome, especially with something like hanging.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Do you have mixed thoughts or is it just SI now? It's a very hard thing to overcome, especially with something like hanging.

I need to die
I want to die
But I cannot overcome SI

 

[Linda]

My personality may be different than yours, so what would work for me might not work for you. But I would make a decision about what I was going to do. If that decision was to ctb, I would think it all through in my mind first, every step of it, and ask myself whether I could do it. If I reckoned I couldn't do it, I would either abandon the idea of catching the bus, or I would look for another method. If I was sure I could do it, I would then do it. If my decision was to give life another go, I would do that.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

My personality may be different than yours, so what would work for me might not work for you. But I would make a decision about what I was going to do. If that decision was to ctb, I would think it all through in my mind first, every step of it, and ask myself whether I could do it. If I reckoned I couldn't do it, I would either abandon the idea of catching the bus, or I would look for another method. If I was sure I could do it, I would then do it. If my decision was to give life another go, I would do that.

Ah you make a good poinT
Actually, I suffer from indecisiveness my entire life
I was never able to 100% say I want something, regarding choices from food or clothes to academic life and career goals, to now life and death

 

[Coconut blue]

Maybe you're not truly ready yet. There's no need to rush. I can't give you advice on how to overcome si bc I'm dealing with the same issue but I just wanna tell you I wish you the best

 

[cowboypants]

With SN it should be easier. You seem not ready yet mentally, personally I can only drink stuff to CTB

 

[Linda]

Ah you make a good poinT
Actually, I suffer from indecisiveness my entire life
I was never able to 100% say I want something, regarding choices from food or clothes to academic life and career goals, to now life and death

I know you suffer from indecisiveness. (My husband is the same, so I can spot the signs from a mile away.)
However, it seems that you must make a decision: ctb, or stay in the world, or put off the choice until later. If you don't make a decision, then effectively you are making a decision to put off the choice (which might not be a bad thing).
I suggest you think it all through carefully. There is no point saying you want something if you are not prepared to take whatever steps are necessary to achieve that goal.

 

[redviolet]

Ah you make a good poinT
Actually, I suffer from indecisiveness my entire life
I was never able to 100% say I want something, regarding choices from food or clothes to academic life and career goals, to now life and death

Im the same, I have never been able to decide on anything and I ended up screwing the only relationship I loved.
And I'm in the same position, I just want to end everything but I can not take that glass (I'm trying to take my depression pills with alcohol) what I'm trying now is to think all the time about what I hate about me and everything that I have screwed up in order to feel more depressed and I'm trying not to do anything that gives me pleasure so I don't prolong this, good luck with this and I hope you find the strength

 

[Unknown21]

As for myself, I think about my problems, my dark future, and what happened to me in the past in order to increase my state of despair. I will try to practice my own method and expose myself to it until my brain gets used to it and it becomes like a daily routine.

 

[Traveller12724]

My method is secure
I will die if I step off the chair
But I cannot kick it
I want to die so badly
Why can I not do it? How can I overcome this SI? I am so desperate

The other day I tried to overcome it with my sleeping medications but it just made me weak… and I was taken over by my unconsciousness and SI. I need to be strong and do this with full consciousness, but it is so difficult.

Please give me advice
it just started raining
it's as if the world is crying with me
for me

I think we shouldn't forget that different methods trigger different levels or amount of SI depending on the individual, for example most of us can't go through with jumping off a high building or standing in front of a train, but we could probably go through with N or SN or Inert gas. Just because you can't overcome SI with one method doesn't mean you can't overcome it with another method.

 

[howlercoaster]

I dunno about the meds you have, but maybe you can just stand there and wait to sleep with the rope on your neck?

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Ah you make a good poinT
Actually, I suffer from indecisiveness my entire life
I was never able to 100% say I want something, regarding choices from food or clothes to academic life and career goals, to now life and death

Avolition.

My personality may be different than yours, so what would work for me might not work for you. But I would make a decision about what I was going to do. If that decision was to ctb, I would think it all through in my mind first, every step of it, and ask myself whether I could do it. If I reckoned I couldn't do it, I would either abandon the idea of catching the bus, or I would look for another method. If I was sure I could do it, I would then do it. If my decision was to give life another go, I would do that.

So may I ask what is your plan of choice now?

I need to die
I want to die
But I cannot overcome SI

"Starlight, starbright,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the ultimate courage,
To overcome my SI tonight..."

Sorry, your rhyming inspired a certain kind of Tourette's

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm very indecisive about things too, might say it's one of my reasons to ctb actually as this turned my life into a mess. I understand your situation very well. I guess we have no choice but keep trying to find the strength to do it within ourselves