Help How to love myself?

[soulkitty]

Hello. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I've heard that after losing everyone, the best thing you can do is start taking care of yourself. Living only for you, and becoming your own best friend. And treating yourself how you treat others. I want to do this so so badly, it's just hard when I feel like I'm a horrible person and there's so many things I deeply regret. I have a lot of self hatred. Before my best friend left me they told me to please stay strong and please take care of myself, which helps a bit

Trying to get close to anyone and form a bond isint possible for me right now because of my mental state, even talking to acquaintances is incredibly difficult. I just need to find a way to survive by myself and be happy and take care of myself until I'm able to connect with people again. I want to put all of the intense love I have for other people into myself. There's a saying I saw that I really want to come true

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
The love that others couldn't give me
I gave it to myself
I poured love into every part of me
And when love began to overflow
It reached my surroundings
And everything around me started to change
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I really don't want to waste any more years of my life. I've been mentally ill for so long, self sabotaging and destroying my life. I want to break the cycle and make myself proud, and pick up any little pieces I might have left. Any advice or words are very appreciated, and even if you have none, thank you for reading this <3

 

[nivis...]

Hello. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I've heard that after losing everyone, the best thing you can do is start taking care of yourself. Living only for you, and becoming your own best friend. And treating yourself how you treat others. I want to do this so so badly, it's just hard when I feel like I'm a horrible person and there's so many things I deeply regret. I have a lot of self hatred. Before my best friend left me they told me to please stay strong and please take care of myself, which helps a bit

Trying to get close to anyone and form a bond isint possible for me right now because of my mental state, even talking to acquaintances is incredibly difficult. I just need to find a way to survive by myself and be happy and take care of myself until I'm able to connect with people again. I want to put all of the intense love I have for other people into myself. There's a saying I saw that I really want to come true

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚
The love that others couldn't give me
I gave it to myself
I poured love into every part of me
And when love began to overflow
It reached my surroundings
And everything around me started to change
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I really don't want to waste any more years of my life. I've been mentally ill for so long, self sabotaging and destroying my life. I want to break the cycle and make myself proud, and pick up any little pieces I might have left. Any advice or words are very appreciated, and even if you have none, thank you for reading this <3

I'm not sure if I really have any advice.. but the quote surounded by stars, I think it's true. Learning to ignore all the small downsides, and fix the ones you really hate, in order to have confidence, since confidence in my opinion is important. It'll get better dont worry :)

 

[Life_and_Death]

maybe try something like roleplaying? pretend youre the one responding to the one in need. what would you say to them? then say it to yourself. really take your own advice.

another idea might be to write it down. then maybe do the same as above and counter it

i personally find a good thing to remember is that its ok to feel

i know you mentioned not being able to get close to anyone, im not sure if that included just someone to talk to but, ive also been putting a lot of work into loving myself recently, if you want to send me a message, youre always welcome too :)

 

[JaJu]

I really don't want to waste any more years of my life. I've been mentally ill for so long, self sabotaging and destroying my life. I want to break the cycle and make myself proud, and pick up any little pieces I might have left. Any advice or words are very appreciated, and even if you have none, thank you for reading this <3

Want to first off say that's a really beautiful quote, between the lines of stars. Reading the last part of your post really made me feel proud of you, because I didn't have the same desire to want to break the cycle and change my life when I was in the depths, so hearing that you want to make yourself proud and work on loving yourself more—it is very heartwarming to read.

There were a lot of things I hated about myself... but for one example: because I struggled with MDD throughout my life, it resulted in poor hygiene and that resulted in other people avoiding and ridiculing me, which made me hate myself even more—extinguishing whatever self-confidence I had left if any. When I decided to start practicing self-love-and-care, I invested in myself by purchasing quite a few quality hygiene and grooming products to boost my confidence or at least reduce the anxiety of having to be around people again when I started working. What I noticed was that as I interacted with people and had friendly exchanges, I thought to myself that I must not be as bad as I thought I was, and that greatly boosted my self-respect.

Even though I dislike my body size, I no longer think to myself that I'm only going to purchase nicely fitting clothes when I reach a certain body goal—my current body deserves nice clothes too! That coupled with exercise, that's not for the purpose of reaching my desired body size, but easy bodyweight exercises that gets the heart and other muscles going, along with eating reasonably healthy (with enjoyable treats from time to time)... that's how I'm currently practicing self-love. I'm basically just putting forth effort to take care of my health, hygiene, and appearance.

I think there's a whole other world of self-love practice that involves exploring and learning to accept yourself for who you are. I'm not sure I'm quite there yet.. though I do think as I'm getting older I'm just naturally accepting myself the way I am rather than constantly envisioning this person I want to become. Maybe that's because I've somewhat given up and don't care as much anymore? I'm not sure, but I guess the somewhat adventurous part of life is constantly learning new things about ourselves.

Rootin' for ya! I'm constantly reminding myself that I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else. Love yourself, you deserve it!

 

[slightoverlooked]

im happy to see that you want to work on yourself. tbh what helped me in a time where i shut down from everyone was going on walks alone, cooking for myself and making it into a hobby. i would visit the cinema a lot. i was nervous before i visited it alone for the first time but it felt amazing. i only cared about myself and my own needs at that moment. especially as a recovering people pleaser that felt so freeing. just valuing your boundaries and looking out for yourself is a great first step.
i tried to live in the present..not think about the past or the future. the past already happened and we cant change anything about it.
journaling rlly helped me self reflect and to get to know myself better.
i know these might be standardized responses but this genuinely helped me for a whole year before i went into social circles again. if you want to talk more abt this my pm r open !

 

[greebo6]

I can never love myself but perhaps I would if only I could.

 

[soulkitty]

im happy to see that you want to work on yourself. tbh what helped me in a time where i shut down from everyone was going on walks alone, cooking for myself and making it into a hobby. i would visit the cinema a lot. i was nervous before i visited it alone for the first time but it felt amazing. i only cared about myself and my own needs at that moment. especially as a recovering people pleaser that felt so freeing. just valuing your boundaries and looking out for yourself is a great first step.
i tried to live in the present..not think about the past or the future. the past already happened and we cant change anything about it.
journaling rlly helped me self reflect and to get to know myself better.
i know these might be standardized responses but this genuinely helped me for a whole year before i went into social circles again. if you want to talk more abt this my pm r open !

It sounds like you did an awesome job taking care of yourself <3 I'm so proud of you because I know it can be incredibly difficult to break through the self hatred. Those tips will help me a lot!!! Thank you very much I'm definitely a recovering people pleaser too lmao, but I really want to set boundaries in the future and stick to them~ since I've had pretty much 0 my entire life. I'm moving back to my old hometown soon and even though there's a lot of horrible memories there, the nature is beautiful and there's a path I can walk next to a river with lots of trees & wildlife. Im thinking of taking my instrument to the riverside and playing music since it's pretty secluded. The cooking is a good idea too!! I want to learn how to make Asian foods! I love what you said about the present, it's so hard not to focus on the past because of how many regrets I have, but like you said there's nothing that can be changed about it. Thank you again for the reply, this really motivated me I love the KAngel pfp btw!! My pms are open too if you ever need me <3 ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Want to first off say that's a really beautiful quote, between the lines of stars. Reading the last part of your post really made me feel proud of you, because I didn't have the same desire to want to break the cycle and change my life when I was in the depths, so hearing that you want to make yourself proud and work on loving yourself more—it is very heartwarming to read.

There were a lot of things I hated about myself... but for one example: because I struggled with MDD throughout my life, it resulted in poor hygiene and that resulted in other people avoiding and ridiculing me, which made me hate myself even more—extinguishing whatever self-confidence I had left if any. When I decided to start practicing self-love-and-care, I invested in myself by purchasing quite a few quality hygiene and grooming products to boost my confidence or at least reduce the anxiety of having to be around people again when I started working. What I noticed was that as I interacted with people and had friendly exchanges, I thought to myself that I must not be as bad as I thought I was, and that greatly boosted my self-respect.

Even though I dislike my body size, I no longer think to myself that I'm only going to purchase nicely fitting clothes when I reach a certain body goal—my current body deserves nice clothes too! That coupled with exercise, that's not for the purpose of reaching my desired body size, but easy bodyweight exercises that gets the heart and other muscles going, along with eating reasonably healthy (with enjoyable treats from time to time)... that's how I'm currently practicing self-love. I'm basically just putting forth effort to take care of my health, hygiene, and appearance.

I think there's a whole other world of self-love practice that involves exploring and learning to accept yourself for who you are. I'm not sure I'm quite there yet.. though I do think as I'm getting older I'm just naturally accepting myself the way I am rather than constantly envisioning this person I want to become. Maybe that's because I've somewhat given up and don't care as much anymore? I'm not sure, but I guess the somewhat adventurous part of life is constantly learning new things about ourselves.

Rootin' for ya! I'm constantly reminding myself that I need to learn to love myself before I can love anyone else. Love yourself, you deserve it!

Awehhhhh thank you so much! That truly means a lot to me. I'm proud of you as well for investing in yourself and feeling a bit better about yourself! It can be really hard to keep up with hygiene when you have depression, and just struggling to survive each day. You're definitely not as bad as you thought you were, in fact based on your posts/replies you seem like a very thoughtful and considerate person :) !! I'm so happy you were able to buy nice clothes for yourself even if you're not all too happy with your body size. I'm sure you'll get there with the exploring/accepting yourself aspect of self love, you're so strong and you've already made it this far ;] I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! Thanks for the kind words and cheering me on, I'm cheering you on too!

 

[slightoverlooked]

Thank you again for the reply, this really motivated me I love the KAngel pfp btw!! My pms are open too if you ever need me <3 ⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Aaaa this makes me so happy to hear <33 thank you!! and good good luck on your journey!!

 

[Jiyuurakka]

Start by questioning the desire to love yourself and what that even means. The moment you start entertaining the desire to love yourself, it also comes accompanied with a desire to hate yourself. At first glance, both desires seem to have a clear distinction from each other and you live life switching between both sides of the same coin simultaneously. I think it only takes a moment's recognition to see that there really is no difference between loving and hating yourself. Once you recognise that, you can freely choose to become concious of the fact that you love yourself maximally at any given moment.

The definition of 'loving yourself' is entirely dependent on what you perceive it to be. Basically, if you think you love yourself, you do. Once that conclusion is reached before you even do anything, things will start falling into place because you've already self determined the conclusion. The foundation of that conclusion will build itself, all you need to do is to run forward with the self justified belief that you do indeed love yourself. It starts from within you, and manifests into real life starting from small things such as taking care of your basic needs, recognising what is important to you and setting goals, and reaching out to the people closest to you and re-establishing lost connections.

The important thing to note is that this supposed 'foundation' that builds itself, such as long term friends and the pursuit of life goals are not necessary for you to love yourself. They happen because you love yourself and that desire flows from within you and does not hinge upon the foundation. You're free to love yourself.

There really is no difference between loving yourself and loving other people, once you do either of the above, the other will be automatically fulfilled. You love yourself, others will begin to love you. You love others, you'll begin to love yourself.

Tl;dr: You already love yourself maximally at the present, move forward with that self enveloping belief, and the rest will follow. Take care of yourself and the noises will take care of themselves.

I wish the best for you OP, I cannot begin to comprehend how hard it is to be on your side. Words do not have the power to reconcile your condition, and perhaps mine and what a lot of people have to say cannot really make an effect on your life. Nothing beats a real life connection and pure understanding of the other through the passage of time. I can understand how hard it is to be alone, I am sure most of us can. No amount of logical reasoning nor language can truly convey perfectly how to love others and most importantly yourself. I hope you find the right people to stay by your side and enjoy the rest of the fleeting moments of happiness that remain to be experienced by you. With much respect and well wishes.

 

[Softwind]

You mustn't judge yourself too harshly. This world is full of horrible people that don't mind improving themselves, so just the fact that you recognize your faults is a great step ahead. So instead of using your mental energy to hate yourself, use it to improve. Start appreciating more the things you do well, even if they seem meaningless.

It can be pretty hard tho, sometimes you will still doubt yourself and you might not progress as quickly as you wish, but you gotta keep trying! One day you'll look back and be proud of yourself.

I wish you good luck and happiness